


Bucket List

by ChiefDoctor



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: AO3 1 Million, F/M, Possible Character Death, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-12 12:54:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 86,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1186436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiefDoctor/pseuds/ChiefDoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its been four years since Matt has left his role as the Doctor.  His life has had much professional success but not his personal life.  He is soon faced with a difficult reality that causes him to decide what...or who is really important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Returns to the Mother Land

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a while but wasn't quite ready to start posting yet. However how could I resist being a part of the 1 million fanworks celebration? I am sure your comments will inspire me when the days are long to write more for our favorite couple. Not to worry it is all plotted out and much written...just a few tricky spots! *Spoilers*

He steps off the plane and breathes in English air for the first time in six months.  It feels good to be back in the Mother Land.  He’s enjoyed the past six months filming in New Zealand, with none other than Peter Jackson directing but it feels good to be home.  The endless days of make-up and filming had taken their toll and Matt is absolutely knackered.  He has to admit he can’t remember feeling this tired in his life.  ‘I must be getting old’, he thinks to himself.

 

He’s also forgotten how recognizable he is here in the UK.  Months of being sequestered in a remote filming location will do that to you.  It begins at Customs where the agent welcomes him back by saying, “Good to see you again Doctor.”  He smiles brightly at that.  He hasn’t been called that in quite a while but it always brings a smile to his face.  It doesn’t matter how many projects he has done since Who, the Doctor will always hold a special place in his heart.

 

Since leaving Who four years ago he has done films and stage, seemingly one right after another.  Most were well received and the one film even reached blockbuster status.  The number of awards he has been nominated for was almost embarrassing but thankfully he had won a few of them so that made it worthwhile.  All of this however caused him to be recognized even more and negotiating Heathrow became near impossible.  Thankfully a security guard and his trusted chariot rescued him from a gaggle of girls or he might still be stuck in the terminal area.  “Thank you mate.  I’m not sure how I would have escaped on my own.”

 

“No problem.  I’m sure you would have found a way, the Doctor is always good at getting out of difficult situations.”  He smiled over to him.  Ah, another Who fan.  They are the best.

 

“Perhaps but the Doctor always did have a difficult time when it was women!”  They both laughed. 

 

“Speaking of women, how is the wife?  How is River Song?”  He asked casually.

 

Matt was struck silent for a moment.  He was out of practice thinking of Alex as his wife, not that he minded when he did, but it had been awhile.  “I’m afraid I haven’t been a very good husband.  I’ve been down under in New Zealand for the past six months.  It’s hell to communicate with the real world from there.”  He chuckled and his new friend chuckled with him.

 

“So what you working on down there?”  He knew the man was just making conversation as they negotiated around the throngs of people on their way to baggage claim but Peter Jackson was even more secretive than Moffat.  He would have his head if he breathed a word.

 

He smirk and said, “Um what’s the wife always say, oh yeah ‘Spoilers Sweetie!’” The last part in his best impression of River Song.

 

The man beside him let out a full laugh.  “Good one!  You know my wife, Lilly is going to be so jealous when I tell her I met the Doctor today.  You were always her favorite.” 

 

“But not yours?”  He said teasingly.

 

The man’s face turned red.  “Well, actually yes but don’t tell the wife.  I always tell her that David was my Doctor just to wind her up.  She’s so pretty when her eyes go wild.”  Matt laughs.  They arrive at baggage claim.  Instead of dropping him off Thomas shows him to a small room with unclaimed baggage.  He asks for his claim tickets and a description of his bags before heading off to the baggage carousel.  Matt protests but he claims he is just keeping another disturbance from breaking out.

 

While waiting around in the tiny room he searches through his bag for pen and paper.  Thinking carefully he pens a note to Thomas’ wife.

 

_Dear Lilly,_

_Your husband Thomas most admirably rescued me today and provided me transport since my TARDIS has gone off somewhere.  I really should stop messing with the HADS.  He told me of your affection for my regeneration despite his affection for my previous one.  It was very nice of him.  Well I am off to find the wife, not sure what River has gotten up to in my absence but it is certain to be trouble!_

_With regards,_

_The Doctor_

**_Matt Smith_ **

 

He managed to also find an envelope in his carry-on and sealed it just as Thomas returned with his two suitcases in hand.  He insisted on carrying them out to the taxi stands before bidding him goodbye.  Matt pressed the envelope and a twenty pound note into his hands.  “No, no, I can’t take that.”  He insisted.

 

“But you absolutely must.  The envelope is for your wife and the other for you.  You didn’t have to do all this and I really appreciate it.”  Curious as to what the envelope might contain he nods and takes both.

 

“Welcome home Mr. Smith!”  He says as he shakes his hand good-bye.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When he finally crossed the threshold of his London flat it had been 36 hours since he had begun his journey.  All he could think of is sleeping in his own bed.  Luckily he had his cleaning lady continue each week in his absence.  There’s no telling what shape his flat might have been in had he not.  For a moment he could picture piles of dust on things with large cobwebs connecting the objects to the walls.  He shook his head; he needed sleep.  Dragging his bags behind him he dropped them right inside the doorway to his bedroom.  He kicked off his shoes, stopped for a short trip to the loo, and then flopped on his bed.  It felt good, not quite home but as close as he had felt in awhile.  It wasn’t long before he was sound asleep.

 

When he woke he felt stiff like he hadn’t moved the entire time he was asleep.  This was entirely possible but not usual.  A bit disoriented he wasn’t even sure where he was.  It was nearly dusk and the room was cloaked in shadows.  Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes remembering his trip from New Zealand and his arrival back into his flat.  He was home.  Looking at his watch he calculated that he had slept for about 12 hours.  That wasn’t surprising.  Traveling from the world down under is a grueling undertaking even with modern transportation.

 

Stretching, he finally rose from the bed needing to quell the rumble of his stomach.  Automatically he went to the kitchen realizing on the way there wouldn’t be anything there edible.  He hadn’t been here for six months, anything still here couldn’t be worth eating.  He was surprised when he opened the fridge to find milk, bread, deli meats, and fruit.  Next to it was a note _:  “Welcome back home, Mr. Matt.  From Esyra”_  His wonderful cleaning lady had taken care of him.  He thought he could kiss her in this moment.  As hungry as he was he didn’t want to have to go pick something up.

 

He of course still had tea so he started the kettle while he made himself a sandwich and sliced an apple next to it on the plate.  He managed to balance it all in his hands to sit in the lounge.  After a ridiculous search for the remote (who puts it in a basket full of magazines?), he flips to a football match while tucking into his sandwich.  Finishing it almost immediately, he decides on another.  After two sandwiches, two apples, and a handful of grapes he was finally feeling sated.  The proper English tea was working its magic as well. 

 

It had been a while since he had been able to watch an English football match.  With the time zone differences it wasn’t easy to catch a game in the past six months.  Australian football is different and besides they seem to be more interested in rugby.  What a rubbish sport!  He could never see the point, even when there was nothing else to watch.  Watching the match he thought about what he wanted to do next, besides sleep.  God, he was tired.

 

He was going to head up to Northampton in a couple of days to spend some time with his folks.  Mum said even Lor was going to make in for a few days.  They hadn’t all been together since the Christmas holidays over six months ago.  There hadn’t been any real time off to come back for a visit.  He had rarely been lucky enough to have gotten two days off in a row, not enough time for a trip that took a day and a half one way.  He had invited his family to New Zealand but his mum thought it might be too much of a journey for them.

 

Even though communication had been spotty and not all that easy he still tried his best to keep in touch with family and close friends.  He knew Arthur was in London doing a play in the West End.  He wondered if he had some time to hang out, or at the very least he could see him in the production with maybe drinks after.  He sent off a text: 

_Hey mate, back in town.  Are you available for pub food?_

 

He shoved his phone back into his pocket knowing that he would be on stage at this time and wouldn’t get back to him for hours.  Karen was in New York at the moment, and Alex was back in California.  It made him sad how they always seemed to be so spread apart these days, his little Pond family.  Adjusting his watch to London time he realized that Steven should be at home by now.

 

“Hey Moff!”  He announced cheerfully when Steven answered the phone.

 

“Matt?  Well how is it going there mate?  It seems an age since I have heard from you.”

 

“Well, it’s not that easy communicating from the land down under, even in today’s world.  The time zones alone made that impossible but the mobile service, especially where we were, was spotty at best.  It about drove me mad!”

 

Steven remembered how Matt always seemed surgically attached to his phone and had to chuckle at his loss of technology.  “So what were you working on down there anyways?”

 

Matt sat upright and puffed out his chest before spouting with great glee, “Oh sorry Steven, Spoilers!”

 

Steven laughed heartedly at that.  “Ok, I guess I deserved that!”  They continued to chat for close to an hour about current Who, the crew, and other BBC gossip as well as friends and families.  When they finally said their good-byes Matt felt good.  He felt connected to his real world again.  Being in New Zealand was like being on another planet.  He never realized how cut off it was from the rest of civilization.  It was a beautiful place and the people there were just absolutely lovely but it was hard to keep connected to home.

 

It was late enough in the evening that going back to bed would put him on a regular London routine.  Anything else could wait until morning.  Before sleep he rooted around in his bag until he found his charger for his mobile.  Actually removing his clothes this time, he crawled under the covers and was dreaming in no time.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	2. Catching up with Arthur

When he woke the next morning there was a text from Arthur.

 

_Hey glad that you are back in the mother land.  I can meet you at your place about noon.  Your choice of pub._

 

He looks over to the clock.  It is a bit after ten.

 

_Can’t wait!  I need some proper fish and chips!!!!!!_

 

He drags his suitcases to the bed and unpacks a bit before getting his shower.  He is standing in his kitchen with a cuppa tea when the doorbell rings.

 

“Darvill!!  How you doing there mate?”  Arthur gives him a one armed hug as Matt does the same.

 

“Hey there Matt.  It’s been a long time.”  Arthur seems to be looking him over for any obvious changes.  “Gotta say man, you look like hell!”

 

Laughing, “Oh thank you, just what I was hoping to hear you say.”  When Arthur continues to stare he adds.  “Yeah, I’m a bit knackered from six straight months of filming 14-18 hours a day.  I am actually looking forward to me mum fussing over me for the next week.”

 

“Boy, you must be tired!”  He says with a chuckle.

 

They walk down to the pub not three blocks from Matt’s place.  It is a local place, small, family run with the best fish and chips.  Upon entering he immediately orders two lagers and two orders of fish and chips before they are even seated.

 

“You know if you do that on dates man, that might explain the lack of second dates.”  Arthur teases him as they sit at a small table on the other side of the bar.  It’s near the dart board but there aren’t usually too many games in the middle of the day.

 

“Funny Darvill!  Sorry but I am starving and I have been really missing English pub food.  New Zealand was great but their food was…”  He made a face.  “..different.” 

 

“So what was it like being there…..and filming for Peter ‘bloody’ Jackson?”  Matt told him loads about the country and the filming, constantly throwing out ‘These are Spoilers so don’t tell anyone.’ and ‘Jackson would kill me if he knew I told you.’   Matt continued on until the food came.  Then it was like he took a vow of silence diving into his fish and chips as if they were his last meal.

 

About halfway through his meal, he looked up at Arthur, “So what’s happening with you?”

 

Arthur raised an eyebrow.  “Oh you still remember I’m here?  Didn’t want to get between you and your food there.”  He teased.  Matt stuck his tongue out at him and then for added measure stole one of Arthur’s chips.  Arthur pointedly ignored him.  “Well I’ve been doing the play for about five weeks now.  We still have another three to go.  I didn’t know if you were up for it.  I brought one of my guest passes in case you’d like to go tonight.”

 

“Yeah, that would be great!  I’ve only gotten to see you that one other time on stage.  We always seem to be in different places, usually different countries when we are performing.”

 

“That we do!  You know Karen’s over in New York at the moment?”  Matt nodded as he continued to devour his pub food.  “They seem to love her in America.  I guess it’s the ginger hair cause god knows how any of them understand her with that Scottish accent!”  They both laugh.

 

“Yeah, it’s probably easier for her to get jobs now that her hair is somewhat back to normal.  I still can’t believe she completely shaved her head!!  I mean it was bad enough when I did it but I’m a bloke.  It wasn’t going to take that long for mine to grow back.  It’s taken her nearly four years to get it back to the length it used to be.  Whatever was she thinking?”

 

Arthur laughed.  “True but that little stunt caused her quite a bit of buzz and caught the eye of more than one casting director.  Our little ginge knows what she is doing, even when it appears she is being completely insane.”

 

“Really?”  He says before wiping his hands on the napkin, then the tablecloth.

 

“Oh yeah!  She’s told me that it comes up in nearly every casting interview.  They think she’s fearless or something so there more willing to take a chance on her.  It seems to be working.  She’s doing a big action detective movie right now.”

 

“Well good on her.”  He leans back from the table his food devoured taking a long pull on his lager.  “What do you hear from Alex?”  He says casually.

 

“And there it is!  I’m impressed you held out for….” He looks at his watch.  “..forty-two minutes before you asked about her.  What are you slipping?  Fallen out of love with her?”  Arthur seemed to be enjoying needling him and watching him squirm.  Matt opened his mouth to say something but chose to take another drink instead.

 

“Well to answer your question about the person you have no real interest in….Alex is fine.”  Matt gave him a glare.  “She’s back in California with Salome.  She had a play lined up in London but it fell through so she doesn’t have much going on at the moment.  She was more than a bit upset about blocking off all that time for the play when the financing fell through.  I think she’s done a few guest spots on American TV though.”

 

“But I’m sure she’s glad to have the time with Salome.”  He offers.

 

“Yeah she is.  So you haven’t talked with her?”  Arthur is more than curious.

 

“Well I have, a bit but its ridiculous trying to get the times to match up between New Zealand and California.  It’s not that I minded talking to her in the middle of the night, for me, but honestly I got to the point where I couldn’t stay awake.  So we have been relegated to occasional text messages that we answer in like 12 hour intervals.  It’s a hell of a way to have a conversation.”

 

Arthur nodded as he sipped his lager.  When the waitress came by they ordered another round of drinks and Matt ordered another fish and chips.  When she left the table Arthur just stared at him.  “What?  I’m hungry.  You take 36 hours to get back from down under with nothing but airplane food and see if you’re not starving.”  Arthur wisely said nothing further on the subject.

 

After Matt had polished off another order of fish and chips along with another lager they paid their bill and started walking back to Matt’s place.  Arthur handed him the guest pass.  “That gets you into the play and backstage if you like.  Do you need a second one?”

 

“Why?”  He looked confused.

 

“Well in case you wanted to invite someone, maybe even a girl!?!”  He looked at Matt like are you even of the same species as me.

 

“Oh sorry, I am still really jet lagged.  No, just the one.  You and Moff are the only ones around who even know I am back in the country.  I don’t have the energy to rustle up a date.  Is that going to be a problem?”

 

“No, not at all.  Maybe I could introduce you to one of the cast backstage.”

 

“I don’t think I’m up for that at the moment but thanks for the offer.”  Arthur nodded knowingly.  He knew why Matt wasn’t interested even if Matt hadn’t worked all that out yet.

 

“See you tonight then.”  Arthur said as they parted on the sidewalk outside his flat.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Arthur was spectacular in his role.  It amazed him how such a calm, sedate man could come alive in a role especially on a theatre stage.  He would immerse himself into the role so that no trace of Arthur was showing bringing alive a completely new character and the fact that he could sing too wasn’t lost on him.  His one venture into musical theatre reminded him why he didn’t always do musicals.  Although he had a passable singing voice it was not spectacular, certainly not good enough to sing night after night for weeks on end.  By the end of American Psycho he could barely speak. 

 

He made his way backstage.  So far he had managed to go unnoticed by fans in the audience.  He had waited to almost show time before sneaking into the theatre hoping no one would recognize him.  Its not that he minded fans but he didn’t want anything to detract from his friend’s play.  That wasn’t the kind of notice anyone wanted. 

 

Once backstage he sought out Arthur.  He spotted him across the room chatting with a couple of ladies.  One he recognized from the performance, the other looked like a member of the crew based on the casual clothes she was wearing.  Coming up behind him he hit him on the back as he said, “Hell of a performance there Darvill!”  Arthur practically choked on his lager. 

 

Not to be outdone he swung around to hit his friend on the shoulder.  “Yeah glad you could crawl out from under your rock to see how the thespians do it!”  They both laughed.  Turning to the ladies, “Matt this is LeMaria, she played Patrice and this is Jolene who makes us all look beautiful with her make-up artistry.  Ladies this is my friend Matt.”  Arthur gets him a lager as well as they chat for a bit.  Although both ladies seem interested in him he really isn’t even noticing the signs of attraction. 

 

Later as they are walking out of the theatre Arthur says to him, “You don’t even realize it do you?”

 

“Realize what?”  Matt has no idea what he is talking about.

 

“Realize that you don’t even look at another woman?”  He says incredulously.

 

“What are you talking about Darvill?  I look plenty. What do you call what I was doing tonight?”

 

“Not looking!”  He deadpanned.  Matt shot him a glare.  “Does she even realize that you only have eyes for her?”

 

Matt started to protest but really who was he kidding.  He shook his head.  “Not even a clue, man!”

 

“Don’t you think it’s about time you gave her one?”  He shot back.  Matt only looked at him continuing to walk on in silence. 

 

There was never a day that passed that he didn’t think of Alex, what she was doing, what she would think about what he was doing, how he so wanted to be with her every second of every day of his life.  He missed the closeness that they had when they worked together and practically lived on top of each other at the Cardiff flats.  Since then he only gets to see her a few times a year.  This passed year had been even worse.  It has been nearly a year since he has seen her and that was only for a few days while he was in LA.  Maybe with my time off I can go see her.  It sounds like she might have some time available as well.  He smiles at that thought as he and Arthur walk down the street.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	3. Family Time

The next morning he drags himself out of bed at almost noon.  The jet lag is even worse today probably the lagers from yesterday and last night hadn’t helped.  He hasn’t been drinking much these past months.  Most of the crew of the movie were older than him and weren’t much for drinking.  There certainly wasn’t any clubs in the remote part of New Zealand where they were shooting.  Besides with the grueling hours, the hours in prosthetics, and the stunt work he was too wrung out at the end of day for much else than sleep anyways. 

 

His head seemed to be reminding him that he was not in his best drinking form after what should have been a light drinking night.  After a shower and tea he packs a small bag for his trip to his parents.  He’s looking forward to seeing them again but not that up for the drive.  It kinda surprises him.  He hasn’t had much opportunity for driving and thought he would look forward to taking the Audi out for a long stretch.  Honestly he was feeling rather tired to be behind the wheel for the next three hours. 

 

Apparently the universe agreed with him since the car wouldn’t start.  He shouldn’t have been surprised.  It hadn’t been out of the garage in six months.  Although it was probably just the battery he decided against calling the auto service and decided to just take the train to Northampton.  Calling a taxi he set off to the train station.  On the way he texted his mum.

 

_Car won’t start.  I’m just going to take the train instead.  Can you pick me up at the station?_

 

His mum immediately texted back:

 

_Of course dear.  Just let us know what time you train comes in._

_I will._

 

After getting himself sorted onto the train, his luggage stowed, he sends off a text to his mum:

 

_I should arrive at 5:30.  Will that be alright or should I get a taxi?_

_You will do no such thing.  Your father will be there to get you.  See you tonight.  Love Mum_

_Looking forward to it.  Love Matt_

 

He actually managed to sleep on the train.  Lately he seemed to be able to sleep anywhere.  He decided that was probably a good thing with his schedule.  When he stepped off the train he immediately saw his dad waving to him.  His long legs got him quickly to his dad who he embraced fully.  The Smith family were huggers, even the men.

 

When they pulled back, his dad looked him over.  “Sorry Matt, but you look like hell!”

 

“Geez thanks Dad, although that seems to be the consensus lately.”  They both turn heading towards the car park.

 

“Well your mum is going to want to fuss over you something fierce when she catches sight of you.”  He warns.

 

Smiling he says, “You know, I’m actually looking forward to it.”

 

His dad stops in his tracks and stares at him.  “Boy, you must feel as bad as you look.  You haven’t wanted your mum to fuss over you since you turned 7.”

 

Matt throws his arm around his dad.  “Yeah, well maybe being away so long has reminded me how much I missed you all.”

 

As soon as they set foot into the house his mum appeared out of no where grabbing him into her arms hugging the stuffing out of him.  “Mum, Mum, I can’t breathe.”  He joked.

 

She loosened her hold on him swatting at his chest for his cheekiness.  It was at that moment that she really looked at him.  “Matthew, what the hell is wrong with you?”  Her face drained of color as her eyes took in the bags under his eyes, the lackluster color of his eyes, the way his skin seemed too big for his bones.

 

“I’m just tired mum.  It’s been a really long six months.”  His shoulders seemed to droop as the initial adrenaline of seeing his folks faded away.

 

“More like a long eight years if you asked me.”  His father muttered as he carried Matt’s bag up to his room.

 

His mum insisted he go park himself in the lounge while she made him a cuppa tea. 

 

His mum took her role seriously constantly plying him with tea, food, and sending him off to rest at regular intervals.  He almost regretted confessing to his dad that he wanted to be fussed over.  He was sure that he had told her.  Truthfully though he was loving it.  It felt good to sit back and let someone else be in charge for awhile.

 

He was ensconced on the sofa surrounded by tea, food, and tucked in with blankets.  The remote in his hand he lazily flipped channels not even registering the front door opening.  “Well there dear brother I see mum is giving you the full treatment!”

 

Clicking off the TV he looked over to Laura leaning into the doorframe taking in the sight of him.  “Hey there Lor!”  He started to get up.

 

“No, no don’t get up on my account.  Mum would have my head if I disturbed the prodigal son when she has you right where she wants you.”  She sauntered over to the sofa and plopped on top of his bony legs.  He immediately grabbed her to give her a hug which quickly turned into him tickling her senseless.

 

Her screams caused their mum to come in from the kitchen.  “Laura, what on earth are you doing to your brother?”  They both stopped and looked at her incredulously.

 

“What am I doing to him??  He’s the one tickling me to within an inch of my life!”  She turns and swats him hard across the chest.  “You were always her favorite!”  She moves down to the other end of the sofa pretending to be upset.

 

“Oh Laura, you know that’s not true.  I don’t have favorites.  I love you both, honestly.”  Laura winked at Matt revealing to him that she was putting on an act for their mum.  His face broke into a smirk.

 

“Well maybe if I got tea and biscuits too I’d believe you.”  She used her best pouty voice.

 

Their mum turned on her heels heading back to the kitchen.  “Honestly are all my children babies again?”

 

As soon as she was out of earshot they both burst into laughter.  “Oh Lor – you are terrible!”

 

“Who? Me?”  She tried acting innocent.  He was so not buying it.  Looking over to Matt she asked, “So are you sick?  You look like hell!”

 

“God!  Why does everyone keep saying that?  Do I really look that bad?”  He seems really annoyed at how others think he looks.

 

“Well to be honest brother dear, yeah!  You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.”

 

“I’m just knackered from the long shooting schedule.  I used to think the Who schedule was demanding but these past six months have been non-stop.  That and there wasn’t really any outlet.  I mean everyone was great but we worked such long days no one wanted to party and even if we did there was no place to go.  We were in the middle of nowhere.  I’m actually glad I don’t have anything lined up for awhile.”

 

She stared at him.  “You must feel worse than I thought.”

 

“Why do you say that?”  He looked at her oddly.

 

“Cause I haven’t heard you not want do something either football, school, or acting except when you were really sick.” 

 

At that moment they heard their mum return with a tray containing more tea and biscuits.  Her mum had even gone up to her room and brought down her favorite duvet to tuck around her.  “There now are my babies all snug in a rug?” 

 

Lor looks over to Matt who stares back at her.  “Oh no, we may have created a monster!”  They laugh over their tea.

 

As their mum leaves the room she says over her shoulder.  “Don’t get too comfy I’ll need someone to peel potatoes in about an hour, and the roast will need slicing.”

 

“Ah, well apparently we aren’t full fledged invalids yet!”  He said and Lor grinned back at him in agreement.

 

He spent a good bit of the week doing exactly that enjoying being fussed over by his mum, sitting and talking with Laura, and puttering around in the shed with his dad.  By the time he was ready to head back to London he was feeling better, not great, but better.  His mum still wasn’t happy.  She made him promise to see a doctor when he got home.  He easily agreed since he honestly wasn’t sure why he was still so tired.

 

They both saw him off at the train station.  He couldn’t help but to feel happy at the sight of them waving to him from the platform.  He was a pretty lucky guy to have the family he had.  He knew it and reminded himself to never take them for granted.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	4. His Universe Shifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, so so sorry.

When he gets back to London he sets up an appointment with his doctor hoping maybe he just needed some vitamins or something. After the initial exam, the doctor orders some blood tests. A few days later he sends him to the hospital for additional tests. More than a week since his first appointment he is sitting in the doctors nicely appointed office to go over the test results. The fact that they are in his office and not an exam room doesn’t go unnoticed by him. This is probably not going to be good news.

“Mr. Smith, I have gone over your test results extensively. After consulting with a blood specialists we have a diagnosis.” Matt sits up straighter in his chair bracing himself for the results. “It seems your blood has developed a problem. It is a blood disorder that is causing the extreme fatigue that you are feeling. It’s actually quite rare which was why we ran so many tests.” He stopped to let Matt process before continuing.

“So how do we fix it?” Matt asked.

The fact that the doctor looked really sad scared the hell out of him. “As I said this is quite rare. We don’t know much about it yet and so far there is no treatment.”

“So what does that mean? I’ll just be really tired all the time?”

The doctor was fidgeting with his patient folder. “Mr. Smith this disorder will make you really tired, so tired that eventually your heart will give out. I am sorry and there is no easy way of saying this but this disease is terminal.”

Matt fell back against the chair as if the man had hit him. His mind was racing. ‘Terminal? No, it can’t be terminal. I’m only 35 years old!” He sat there staring into nothing trying to wrap his mind around his impending death. Somehow a part of his brain was still functioning and he heard himself ask the question that he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear the answer to. “How long do I have?”

“Based on the progression we have charted it looks like about 6 months.”

Another blow. He’s really not sure he can hear any more. His mind is reeling and he just wants to run. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hears himself say ‘Rule 7’ but he’s not sure if he cares anymore.

Somewhere in the distance he hears the doctor’s voice, he is talking to him, what is he saying? “Mr. Smith is there someone we can call for you? Someone who can drive you home?”

“Alex” He hears himself utter the name of the only person who has a chance of making this alright but then even she can’t change this.

“What was that? Who?” The doctor was speaking again.

Matt shakes his head. “No one.” He finally whispers.

“I know you need time to process all of this. I have more to go over with you but I don’t think you are ready to hear it right now. Let me call you a taxi to take you home.”

“Have my car…” He says distracted from his current thoughts.

“Yes, I’m sure you do but I don’t think you should drive at this time. Your car will be perfectly fine in our parking garage. When you feel up to it we can continue with your options.” Matt was nodding his head numbly. The doctor slipped out to have his nurse call him a taxi. When he returned he slipped his card in Matt’s jacket pocket. “Call me when you ready to talk more.” He then personally led him down to the lobby making sure he got safely into the taxi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matt barely remembers the ride to his flat but now he was sitting in the taxi in front of it. He managed to locate his wallet and pay the driver. Fumbling with his keys he made it up the stairs and into his flat. Closing the door he leaned against it trying to wrap his mind around what he had just been told. It became too much and he just slid down the door to the floor lying there sobbing.

He wasn’t a crier. There was a part of his brain that was saying that to him in that moment. It didn’t matter this was something that warranted crying. ‘He was going to die……in 6 months.” He thought he had so much more time. He still had so much more to do. “It couldn’t be over now! Not yet!”

He couldn’t be sure how long he laid there trying to make sense of this before he decided to get up. He needed…….alcohol and plenty of it. He went to the kitchen looking through the cupboard where he kept his liquor. Pushing the half empty ones aside he pulls out the full bottle of scotch whiskey he had bought for Steven. For whatever reason he never gave it to him.

Grabbing a tumbler from the shelf above the liquor he opened the bottle and poured. Initially it was a small portion but when he downed it in one gulp he decided to be more generous with the next. With the glass in one hand and bottle in the other he began to walk around his flat. “So this is it, this is your life! Well not much to show for it is there?” He walks past the near empty walls. He’s never gotten around to putting up paintings or pictures. He’d always been too busy on his way to somewhere else. 

Hastily he pours more into his glass and then nearly chugs all of it. “You got no wife….hell not even a girlfriend. Jesus, when was the last time you were even with a girl?” He stops in the middle of the floor to determine when that was exactly. Shaking his head he downs the last bit in the glass before hurling it across the room. He decides drinking from the bottle is less work anyways. Stopping at one end of the lounge he surveys his place. It looks so much like a bachelor pad, and even then one that no one actually lives in. 

“I’m 35 years old. I thought I would be married, have a few kids. But I have none of that instead I have raced around the globe pretending to be someone else.” He stops to look out the window seeing couples walking down the street, mums with their children or pushing a pram. “I have missed out on all of it. I thought I still had time.” He fought back the tears. He’s had enough of those for today. He just wants to stop feeling, stop thinking, stop everything. Making his way to the sofa he flops down and takes a long swig from the whiskey bottle. He continues until he runs out and passes out.

Every time he wakes up and remembers he seeks out more alcohol to make it go away. He wants to be drunk…blinding drunk…and he is for about three days. It’s not until he runs out of liquor and his body screams for food does he begin to sober up. With the pizza box beside him on the sofa and a beer in his hand he munches on slice after slice. It occurs to him that he needs to figure out what to do next. He can’t possibly stay drunk for the next six months.

He contemplates on his life up to this point. ‘What have I accomplished? How will people remember me?’ He thinks of his family….they were his rock. They were always there to support him no matter what he chose to do. Mum and dad drove me all over at ungodly hours for football matches, and when I got hurt, they took me to therapy every single day. They put up with me, them and Lor, while I was so pissy when I realized I would never be a professional footballer. They loved me through it. He remembers how proud his mum, dad, and granddad were when he got the role of the Doctor. He was glad he could give them that, something to be proud of. His granddad would tell anyone within shouting distance that his grandson was the Doctor. They would love him through this too, if he told them, but he didn’t want to do that to them. He wasn’t sure if he could bear the sadness on their faces.

He’s made some amazing friends along the way. Harry had been his best mate since primary school and despite their different life paths were still good friends. Karen and Arthur, their friendship forged in a love for work that transported them to unknown places both on and off the screen. Steven who believed in him even when he didn’t. He knew that even the Peter Jackson movie was thanks to Who and Steven’s constant praise of him. Then of course there was Alex who both gave his heart a reason to beat everyday and at the same time made it heavy in agony. It wasn’t really her fault. He never told her how he felt. She couldn’t know that every interaction with her in the past seven years was both joyous and tortuous. And now it was too late.

He thought about the awards he had received and the accolades bestowed upon him. ‘But that’s all Matt Smith, the actor. What about Matt Smith the person? Is there anything there I can be happy about?’

The pizza gone, he is sitting there with his beer contemplating what he should do with the rest of his life…..his infinitely short life. He remembers years back at Comic-Con someone asking him about things he would want to do before he died. At the time he thought it a bit macabre. “They had a special name for the American’s did….what was that? Oh yes, a bucket list. Something about things you want to do before you ‘kick the bucket’. Americans are so strange with their sayings.”

He decides that is what he should do so he goes in search of paper and pencil. Apparently it’s not that easy to find paper and pencil when you are in a place you haven’t lived for six months. “Six months?” The irony is not lost on him. He has left in his life the same exact amount of time it took him to shoot a movie in a far away land. Even though the shoot had seemed long, six months doesn’t seem that long when it’s all the future you have left.

Locating some paper and a pen he sits back down on the sofa to make his list. He stares at the blank sheet trying to decide what would be most important that would be doable in half a year or less. Remembering back to Comic-Con, “What did I answer that day? Oh yeah, Jennifer Lawrence. Right!?!” Even that day he knew that wasn’t his real answer but he couldn’t say his real answer certainly not out loud to thousands of fans. Back then he couldn’t even say it out loud to himself. A smile comes to his face for the first time in days as he thinks of the most important thing he wants to do before he has to leave this earth.

Under the words: Bucket List  
He scrawled in large letters: Tell Alex that I love her

He sat there for hours contemplating how he should go about this. He didn’t bother adding anything else to his list. If he had her to love he didn’t need anything else. Arthur said she was still in California and would be for a while since her play fell through. “So the first thing I need to do is get to California then.” Having a purpose for the first time in weeks he jumps from the sofa to get his laptop to book a flight.

His body isn’t fully sober yet so when the room begins to spin he immediately sits down again. “Ok, maybe take this one step at a time. Probably should get sober first, and possibly take a shower.” catching a whiff of himself. He rises more cautiously this time and makes his way down the hall to his bedroom. Instead of going to the shower as intended the sight of his bed pulls him in. Other than his drunk passing out he hadn’t actually had proper sleep in over three days. “Maybe I should start with a nap.” He tells himself, kicking off his shoes, dropping his jeans to the floor, and crawling into bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rule 7 refers to the Doctor's rule 7 - "Don't run when your scared."
> 
> Ok, I'm going to go hide now.......don't hurt me.


	5. Making a Life Plan

He sleeps for fifteen straight hours. When his eyes finally open his first thoughts aren’t of his impending death but of Alex. ‘I need to get to Alex.” It was like a mantra inside his head. It wasn’t that he was ignoring the other part, ok maybe a little, but focusing on this made him happy and there was something he could do about it. There didn’t seem to be much he could do to change the other outcome.

He showered and made tea. The cupboards were still bare and he needed greasy breakfast food like he, Arthur, and Kaz would get after a night out. He considered calling Arthur to join him but he wasn’t sure if he could keep the truth off his face and he wasn’t ready for others to know yet. 

Gathering his phone, his keys, he puts on his jacket before heading out. When he puts the phone in the inside phone it catches on something. He pulls out the doctor’s card. Vaguely he remembers him putting it into his pocket; he also remembers that he took a taxi home. “Shit! That means my car is still in their parking garage.” First things first…..he needed food. 

He hailed a taxi taking it to his favorite greasy spoon that served breakfast all day. On the way there he called the doctor’s office. As soon as they heard who he was they immediately put him through to the doctor himself. Dr. Raven said he could meet with him at the end of his day which would be in an hour and a half. Matt let him know that he would see him then.

 

Dr. Raven ushered him into his private office. After they had settled in their seats the doctor asked him, “So how are you doing?”

“Well I guess a little better than the other day. This still just doesn’t seem possible. I’m only 35.” He was trying hard not to let his prognosis drag him back down into the darkness. If he had only six months to live he wasn’t going to spend it all feeling sorry for himself.

“I can only imagine how difficult this has all been for you. I would guess now that things have settled that you have questions. I will do my best to answer them for you.”

“Um, yeah….ah…how did I get this?” This one had circled around in his brain during his drunken haze. He was barely ever sick, and except for this last filming shoot he had been able to keep on going pretty well. It just didn’t make any sense.

“Well we’re not sure. This is one of the reasons this is a rare disorder. It doesn’t fit into any of the other blood disorders. Little is known as to how it is contracted. It could have been a virus, or a contaminate. There really isn’t any way of knowing for sure.”

“Ok.” Well this guy was real helpful. “So you said I had options. What are those?”

“Well there is no treatment, no cure. I want to be clear on that. Any blood disorder treatments tried on this in the past did not work, and in some cases accelerated the disease.”

“Ok, so not wanting to go that route. What can I do?”

“As I told you your disorder will make you very tired as your blood thickens. This will cause pain in your extremities, headaches, and as time passes in your major organs.” Matt tried listening to the doctor as an interested party and not the person that all of this was going to happen to but, that was a bit difficult when he was the person this was all going to happen to!!

“There is a medication that has been beneficial to patients suffering from your disorder. It helps to keep the blood from thickening too quickly and masks some of the symptoms. Most patients tolerate it well but it must be administered following strict dosage requirements.”

“What are those?”

“It must be taken in 12 hour intervals, being off by even an hour usually results in extreme symptoms.”

“Extreme symptoms? Like what?”

“Initially it is usually a severe headache that will worsen the longer you go between dosages. Since it is masking symptoms they will become noticeable. Since they were there but previously masked they may seem intense when first experienced.”

“Ok, so got it. 12 hour intervals, don’t miss a dose. Anything else?”

“Let me know if your symptoms change or become more intense. We may need to adjust your dosage.” Matt nods. “Are you doing ok with this?”

“No! But then I don’t really have a choice now do I?”

“No, I suppose not.” The doctor rises from his chair and comes around to where Matt is seated. “Do let me know if there is anything that I can do for you.” He puts out his hand to shake Matt’s.

‘Well I guess that’s that then.” He thinks to himself. As he’s leaving the doctor lets him know that the nurse has his prescription and can validate his parking. He almost laughs at that because yes getting my parking validated will make up for dying!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On his way back to his flat he drops off the prescription at the chemist. He immediately pulls a beer from the fridge not because he wants to get drunk this time but just to take the edge off. He flops onto the sofa trying hard not to think about his shortened lifespan. 

“So what now?” He says out loud. Looking around him he sees pizza boxes, empty liquor bottles, empty beer bottles and the place is starting to smell atrocious. “I suppose I should probably clean this up. I don’t want Esyra to have to do it whenever cleaning day is.” He pulls himself off the sofa getting a trash bin liner. He fills it full with the bottles taking it directly to the trash collecting bins out back. After filling another liner he hoovers the carpet and sprays some air freshener. He is reminded of his mum who always says “a clean house is ready for anything.” ‘So what am I ready for?’ he wonders.

He realizes that before he leaves for California there are a few things he should take care of. He makes a list figuring he can complete them in two days time. He then gets out his laptop booking a roundtrip ticket to LA. Just knowing that in a little over two days he will be in the same country as Alex makes him smile.

The next day he sees his solicitor about drafting his will. The man assures him it is a simple matter and that he can have it ready for his signature before he is leaving the country. He then contacted the movie’s production company to let them know that he definitely wouldn’t be available for the promotion circuit. They understood since it was always contingent on him being available.

Although he doesn’t want to tell his mum about his condition he knows better than to leave the country and not tell her. Besides he thinks she might actually like this one. He rings her mobile number since she is probably at the shop. “Hello baby how are you feeling?”

“Hi mum! Um I’m feeling better.” He didn’t want to tell her but he didn’t want to lie either. Somehow she could always tell.

“Did you go to the doctor like I said?”

“Yes, mum. I did, happy now?” Why is a grown man sounding like a 6 year old?

“What’d he say?” Oh shit, now what?

“He said my blood’s tired.” That was not a lie and fairly close to the actual words.

“You’re blood’s tired? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Did he give you vitamins or something?”

“Yeah mum, he gave me some pills. They seem to be helping.” Also not a lie.

“Well that’s good. I worry about you, you know?”

“Yes, I do know. That’s one of the reasons I called.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I am going to the States for awhile. I just wanted you to know.”

“The States? As in America?”

He had to laugh. “Yes mum, as in America.”

“But why? I thought you had some time off. Haven’t they worked you enough already?” She really sounded concerned for him. Thank goodness she did not how bad it really was.

“It’s not for work….more a vacation.” He wasn’t sure how to reveal his plan to his mum. She had always liked Alex the few times they had met, and she had figured out how he felt about her some time ago. He still couldn’t be exactly sure how she would react to his news.

“A vacation? In America? Where are you going?”

“California…. LA actually.” He could hear a chuckle on the other end of the phone.

“Oh LA as in Alex lives in LA?” She teased him.

“Maybe.”

“Matt! What are you doing? Are you going there to see her or aren’t you?”

“I am …..I just haven’t told her I’m coming.” He quickly pulled the phone from his ear, apparently just in the nick of time.

“What!?! Are you crazy?” She yelled at him.

Bringing the phone back to talk, “Possibly but if I ask to come she will probably say no.”

“You don’t know that!” His mum cautions.

“You’re right I don’t but I don’t want to take the chance. I’m going to tell her how I feel.”

“Oh Matty! I don’t know what’s gotten you motivated to do this now but I think it’s about time.”

“Really mum?”

“Really son! She’s lovely and you always seem so happy when she’s around. I don’t know it’s like there is a light around you or something. I’ve even seen it when you talk to her on the phone. Last Christmas you were on the phone pacing back and forth in the back garden. I told your father that you were going to catch your death in that cold but he pointed to you and said, “Look at that boy he is warm from his head to his toes. He must be talking to Alex.” and you were – it was like you glowed.”

There were actual tears rolling down his cheeks. He was glad his mum couldn’t see him and hoped his acting skills could keep it out of his voice. “Thanks mum.”

“When are you leaving?”

“I’m booked on the midnight flight tomorrow night.”

“Do you know when you’ll be back?”

“I suppose that’s going to depend on Alex.

 

The next day he swings by his solicitor’s office to sign his will. It seems so final when he does that. He is really planning for his death and not just in a this is something you do kinda thing but because it is really going to happen kinda thing. He tries to shake the thoughts from his mind. After packing one bag, he gets into a taxi heading to the airport. He may only have 6 months left on this earth but that didn’t mean he should spend it alone. He has wanted to be with Alex since the moment they met. It seems time is nearly up on that dream and before he goes he wants to see it fulfilled. At least if she breaks his heart he won’t have to live with it too long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	6. Tell Alex That I Love Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be careful what you wished for................................keep the tissues on standby.

The taxi pulls up to Alex’s house. It’s been nearly a year since he’s been here. He has no idea whether or not she’s even home. This is the only place he wanted to be…..to be with Alex. Surely the universe wouldn’t deny a dying man a last request.

He walks up her front stairs and sits his bag down. Rocking back and forth on his feet he finally pushes the doorbell. He can hear someone making their way to the door. Opening the door she sees him standing there. “Matt!” He registers her surprised look that he is on her doorstep.

She looks so beautiful. Her hair is pulled into an elastic with small tendrils framing her face. She is wearing an ordinary light blue blouse with tan pants and yet to him she looks like an angel. Without thinking he pulls her into a kiss pushing her against the open door. The tea cup falls from her hand as she goes to lace her fingers around the nape of his neck. She is kissing him back! 

When it finally becomes necessary he comes up for breathe keeping his cheek next to hers. He can feel her ragged breath against his own cheek. Leaning back he looks in her eyes, “Hello”.

“Hello” She is smiling back at him.

“God, I’ve missed you!” His voice is almost breathless. He’s staring at her trying to remember all that he had forgotten about her face. His fingertips graze her cheek, tracing the outline of her lips, the back of his hand caressing the other cheek. He is mesmerized by her and a little giddy to be holding her in his arms. He hasn’t forgotten that he kissed her, nor the fact that she kissed him back, and not slapped him silly.

She is staring at him a bit in shock. He just kissed her, practically the minute she opened the door. Wait, she kissed him back. ‘Yeah, I caught that.’ Now he is looking at her like she is his long lost lover. ‘Could he really have feelings for me?’ ‘What other reason could there be? And what does she do about it, want to do about it, should do about it?’ Her mind is spinning.

He reaches up tugging on one of her curls; it makes him smile. “I’ve always loved your hair. You know that don’t you?” His eyes are intense as if he really is talking about more than her hair. His hand slides to her chin lifting it in his direction as he leans down kissing her again. She should stop him, she really should but god he feels so wonderful as she always knew he would. Who is she kidding? This is what she always dreamed of, why would she want to stop it? The feel of his lips on hers, the movement of their tongues together at last, the taste of him was enough to drive out all of the reasons she always told herself as to why she never should. 

His lips leave her mouth, kissing her cheek, then her nose, her other cheek, finally resting on her forehead. “Darling, what’s going on?” The question hangs in the air as he holds her not wanting to end this moment in time between them.

Stepping back he cups her face in his hands, “I’ve missed you and I wanted you to know how very much.”

A little confused she also realizes that all of this is taking place with the front door open. “Um….well let’s go sit down in the lounge.” Looking down she sees the broken tea cup and spilled tea in the entrance way. “Oh I forgot I had that in my hand. Let me go get some towels to clean it up.” She scurries off to the kitchen to find towels. He picks up his bag from outside and closes the door, tucking it near the console table in the entrance.

When she returns he is picking up the shards from the broken teacup. “Darling, I’ll get it.” She fusses.

“Alex trust me I have plenty of experience picking up broken glassware.” She laughed at him.

“Yes darling, I imagine you do.” He took the broken pieces to the bin in the kitchen while she cleaned up the tea. When she came back into the kitchen she was surprised to see him preparing tea. “Hey isn’t that my job?”

“What I can’t make tea? I thought it the polite thing to do since it was my fault you dropped your last one.” He prepared hers with a half teaspoon of sugar and a dollop of milk while in his he put an obscene amount of sugar. She was convinced that all that sugar is what kept him bouncing around all the time. But he wasn’t bouncing now. Something seemed off? Certainly his greeting wasn’t usual, even for them. Studying him she could see the dark bags beneath his eyes, his eyes didn’t quite shine the way they usually did, he stooped over like he did when he was tired. He just didn’t look right. It unnerved her.

Handing her her tea she headed into the lounge. He followed her sitting on the sofa next to her. “So what brings you to California darling?” She began casually.

After taking a sip he holds his cup in his lap both hands keeping it steady. Looking over to her with a smile on his lips he says softly, “You.”

“Me? You came to California for me?” She was not expecting that as an answer and isn’t really sure …..well, really sure about anything at this point.

“Yes. I was sitting around my flat with time on my hands for the first time in….. forever and I thought ‘What would I like to do?’ You were the first person I thought of. Arthur said your play had fallen through and so I knew you had some time on your hands as well. I thought we could spend it together.”

She almost starts to laugh at him. “And what you just jumped on a plane and came here? What if I wasn’t here?”

“Well then I would have had to sit on your doorstep like a sad puppy until you turned up.” He was slowly sipping his tea just enjoying being in her presence again. It had been way too long.

Shaking her head she is laughing at him now, “You’re ridiculous, you know that don’t you?”

“Yes, but you love me!” He said playfully.

“Well it’s a tough job but somebody’s got to do it.” She teases back.

He places his cup on the table in front of them, moving closer to her. He reaches behind her head to remove the elastic that had been holding her hair in place. He runs his fingers through her curls letting them roam free. “There that’s better.”

“You know darling I think you might be a bit obsessed with my hair.” Her tone is playful. 

“Actually Alex I think I’m a bit obsessed with everything about you.” His tone is sexual. He leans against her letting his lips barely touch hers leaving it to her to make the next move.

“Is that so darling?” Her breathing has become more rapid as she can feel his lips ghost over hers.

There is not a force on earth that could have made her resist him in that moment. Her hands thread through his hair as she pulls him into her. The kiss is very mutual. She is having a hard time breathing but she doesn’t want to break the kiss. He can’t stop the grin that has taken over his face. Not only has she not sent him packing but seems to want the same thing from him. In need of breath he moves from her lips kissing her cheek, down her jaw, to her neck. The sensations his lips are creating throughout her body are overwhelming and ‘Where the hell is this coming from?’

“Matt…..Matt” Her hands are on his chest trying to slow him down without rejecting him. “Matt, we ….need …to talk.” She says between ragged breaths. 

He leans back far enough to look in her eyes, his eyes dark with want. “Do you really want to talk right now, Alex? He says while fingering a curl around his finger.

Creating more space between them by moving farther down the couch she says, “I think we must.” Her hands had slid down his chest as she pulled back finding his hand with hers she let their fingers intertwine. “Matt, tell me what you’re thinking. I mean this isn’t who we were with each other before.”

“Weren’t we?” There was no anger or malice in his voice, only love. “I think we have always been this Alex. We’ve just been too afraid to show each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that since the first day our hands met…” He looks down at their two hands never stopping in their need to feel each other, caressing the other with their fingers. “…I have been connected to you. Every time my hand would brush against yours when I handed you a tea, or passed you a script I could feel, I don’t know, it was like electricity linking me to you. Tell me that you felt it to?”

Her eyes go wide, her free hand has come to her lips tracing them as she reflects. Softly she utters, “I thought it was only me.” 

Moving a little closer, “No Alex it wasn’t just you and it wasn’t just me…..it was us.”

She shakes her head, “But Matt, this is crazy. I’m too old for you.”

“No Alex, what is crazy is that you think that matters to me at all. When I look at you I don’t see a number. I see this beautiful…..no gorgeous woman who is strong and funny, and doesn’t let me get away with anything and who makes my heart beat faster just being near me.” He brings her fingers to his lips and grazes them with his lips before bringing them back between them.

She blushes. “Oh Matt, I wish…..”

“Granted!” His face lights up in a smile.

She’s not following, “Um….. what?”

“You made a wish. I’m granting it.” He moves closer their legs touching as the hand not occupied with her hand begins to stroke slowly up and down her arm.

“It’s not that easy. The media would have a field day, and your career, what about your parents, and Matt you deserve a family, a family you can’t have with me.”

He pulls her into him close enough that they are touching but they can still look into each other’s eyes. “Alex, do you think I haven’t considered those things? I have but in the end, after eight years of longing for you, none of that matters. What matters is that you are the only woman I want. The only woman I even think about or look at. You’re it for me Alex. You’re the one!”

Tears are trickling down her cheeks. He quickly cups her face rubbing them away with his thumbs. “Oh Alex, please don’t cry. Cause if you get me started I might not ever stop.”

She laughs at him pulling him into an embrace. “Oh you ridiculous man.” She breathes into his ear. He holds onto her tighter letting his emotions wash over him. He wasn’t kidding about crying. His feelings are raw. His love for her kept getting mingled with his thoughts about his shortened future and the ecstasy of holding her in his arms and he lost any control he had been maintaining. 

He feels the first tears burning at his eyes. Hoping to hide them from her, he buries his face into her shoulder. Breathing in her scent of jasmine and cinnamon, it feels like home. He at last feels like he has come home….home to Alex………and that breaks him. He can’t stop the tears as they flow violently from his eyes, a guttural cry escapes from his lips as he desperately tries to bring her closer to him.

Alex is confused and to be honest a little scared. Matt’s desperate cries are breaking her heart. Holding him tighter and tighter, she instinctively begins to rock him, trying to soothe him with soft words. There doesn’t seem to be anything she can say or do take his pain away. And it is pain, she can feel it. It is radiating off of him, screaming to be let out. She does the only thing she can do; she holds him and hopes he feels her love for him.

Completely broken in her arms he cries himself out. When the tears finally slow he begins to drift off to sleep. This past week has been hell. That on top of already being knackered, and flying halfway around the world to get to her he is done in. 

She wants to know what this is about but now is not the time for answers. She pulls him to his feet and pretty much sleepwalks him to her bed. Sitting him down, she takes off his shoes and socks, and nudges him under the covers. He seems to fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Watching him sleep she has to wonder what is going on with him? The night had been so unexpected from him showing up, to kissing her, to declaring his love for her…… to breaking down in her arms?? ‘Something is wrong.’ She worries. She prepares herself for bed and slides in next to him. Wrapping her arms around him she cradles him next to her. Soon she joins him in sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	7. Confessions He Never Intended

When he woke he felt hot and the pounding in his head threatened to split it open. About to get up he realized he wasn’t alone. He could feel her arms around him, looking down he recognized the red fingernail polish from yesterday….Alex. Slowly he turned to see her curled into his back, holding him, allowing him to sleep next to her. Looking first at her and then himself he realized that they were both still fully clothed. Memories were returning from last night….’Oh god, did I break down and cry in Alex’s arms like a baby? Yeah that is attractive!’

Disgusted with himself along with his head needing relief he eased out of the blanket, her bed, and her comfort. After stopping at the loo, he made his way back down to the foyer where he had dropped his bag. Digging around he found the meds, heading directly to the kitchen so he could take them. The cool water chased one then the other pill down his throat. His head pounding he tried to refocus his thoughts by admiring Alex’s garden of flowers. His hands rested heavy on the counter, bending with his body ever so often as another twinge passed through him. Each time he shut his eyes to the pain, then tried refocusing on the colors of the flowers or which way the wind moved the petals. He found that if he could concentrate on something else the pain would dull and eventually move on.

She felt him leave the bed watching as he left the bedroom. He still didn’t seem like himself. Lying against her pillows she replayed last night in her head. It seemed a whirlwind to have opened her door to Matt, then to have him kiss her. Her fingers trace her lips still feeling the tingle on them. As if that wasn’t enough he proclaimed his love for her…..and not as a friend. Then…..then what? He cried himself to sleep?? Something is wrong…..terribly wrong.

She needed to find out. Getting out of bed she pulled her flowery satin dressing gown around her. Taking care of her morning routine in the washroom; she headed downstairs to find him. Seeing him pushing against the counter she stopped in the doorway to the kitchen. She watched as he was obviously trying to will away pain…in his head? She pulled her arms around herself. Her right hand holding her mouth shut afraid to step forth into this truth. 

His hands were clenched in fists pushing down hard against the countertop obviously trying to ride out or will away the pain. She could be silent no more. “Matt, are you ok?”

His body became rigid, head remained down, his hands continued to hold him up. He shook his head. His voice faint, almost a whisper. “No, Alex, I’m not.”

Her body had only inched its way into the kitchen. Gently she asked, “You’re sick aren’t you?” 

Straightening up he returned to staring at the flowers in the back garden. “Yes.” His voice seemed tired as if it was an effort to speak even this one word.

Inching further, “How sick?”

He blew out a breath, pushing his weight forward to rest on his clenched fists. “Very.”

She quickly closed the distance to him. Reaching down she takes his clenched fist in her hands. Slowly she uncurls his fingers while he allows hers to take their place wrapped around his. She turns slowly to him holding his hand in hers as she wraps her body around his, her head resting on his chest listening for his very vibrant heartbeat. She doesn’t speak, neither does he. He wraps his long arms around her back pressing her close to him. There are no tears this time, just a quiet moment in time hanging on tenuously before the storm rips it apart.

It seems like forever they stand there in each others arms. Neither of them wanting to start this conversation. Finally when he begins to move she looks up at him from her position on his chest. He leans down placing a sweet gentle kiss on her lips, then rests his forehead against hers. “Tell me, Matt.” Her voice careful, measured.

“Not right now….head hurts.” He manages with obvious pain in his voice.

“Oh darling, go lie back down. Do you want to rest? Or I can make you tea? Or breakfast?” She doesn’t usually ramble unless she is really anxious. This apparently qualifies.

“Rest…for a little while. Then maybe breakfast, if it’s not too much trouble.” Even in pain, Matt remembers his manners. This is something she has always admired about him. 

She kisses his cheek. “Sleep as long as you like darling. I’ll set things out for you in the washroom so you can shower when you get up. That will help you feel better. Then we can have breakfast together.”

He nods giving her another hug before turning to head back to bed. Standing in the middle of the kitchen watching him walk back up the stairs she feels more alone than she has ever felt in her life. Matt wasn’t saying but that made it that much worse. Whatever was wrong …..it was terribly wrong. On autopilot she walked to the counter and turned on the kettle. Getting out her mug and the tea her eyes drifted to the back garden. Looking over the flowers there she wondered what Matt saw when he had looked there. ‘What was he thinking about?’ The whistle of the kettle woke her from her thoughts as she continued with the process of tea.

Sipping her tea she opened the French doors to the patio. She left them open to breath new air into the house and so she could listen for Matt stirring from his rest. Sitting on the chaise she sipped her tea while trying to lose her thoughts in the colors of the garden. The oh not so subtle gnawing feeling inside her kept pushing through. Only halfway through her tea she couldn’t sit any longer….the thoughts were too frightening.

Heading back in she picked up his bag in the entrance and carried it to her ensuite bath. She laid out towels on the counter before stepping back into the bedroom. He seemed to have fallen back to sleep. She was relieved that he had found respite from the obvious pain from earlier. 

Back downstairs she decided to make scones to go with breakfast. Truthfully she was looking for a distraction and this fit the bill. The fact that Matt loved her scones was an added bonus. An hour later when she was taking them from the oven, she heard the shower turn on. She smiled hoping that meant he was feeling better. Before he made it downstairs she had cooked the bacon (American style), and had started a pan of fried potatoes.

“Kingston, what are all those glorious smells?” He bounces into the kitchen as if before never happened. She chose to pretend too.

“Oh you inspired me darling. I decided to make scones….just for you.” She leans over kissing him hello and good morning and I’m glad you’re here. 

“Oh you did?” He waggles his eyebrows at her. “and where have you hidden those delectable beauties?” He begins a search of the counter.

“Not so fast. Set the table first and then we can get to breakfast. How would you like your eggs?”

“Um, over easy if that’s not too much trouble.” She has to chuckle at how shy he looked in that moment.

“No trouble at all. The silverware is in that drawer over there, the napkins one drawer over, and if you wouldn’t mind could you refresh my tea?”

“Gee Kingston, these better be damn good scones for all these chores!” He teased her.

Giving him a naughty look, “Oh baby you have no idea!” He practically swallowed his tongue.

Breakfast was fun and flirty. They had fallen back into their old rhythms of banter and it felt comforting when they were both avoiding the ominous news ahead. With breakfast completed and the dishes taken care of; they took their tea to the lounge. Sitting on the sofa they both allowed the silence to envelope them. “Matt, I think it’s time you tell me what is going on with you.” He stared over to her, not ever wanting to start this conversation. Unable to speak just yet, he only nodded in reluctant agreement. 

“Yes, I suppose I owe you that.” His voice was thick, resistant, strained even. He leaned forward on the sofa leaning his elbows on his knees, his hands rubbing his face up and down as he stared at the carpet. He looked scared and that only terrified her more. “When I got back from New Zealand I was completely knackered.” He began continuing to speak to the floor, not able to look her way. “I wasn’t really surprised we had been going non-stop for six straight months. I figured I needed a long rest. Well even after a week of me mum fussing over me, feeding me, and making me rest I wasn’t feeling any better. She made me promise that I would go see a doctor when I got back to London.” He paused holding his hands against his face as if deciding how to continue.

His tone was monotone as he relayed how the doctors ran him through test after test, seeming to need a never ending supply of his blood. “Then they finally had an answer.” He willed himself not to cry or fall apart as he remembered the doctor’s words in his head from that day. Shaking his head he wrung his hands before gathering his courage to tilt his head to look at her. “Alex, I have a blood disorder. Apparently it’s a pretty rare one at that.” He stopped letting her process this before continuing.

“What does that mean a blood disorder?” She tried to remain calm.

“They don’t really know much about this particular one which also means they don’t really know what to do with me.” He nearly broke on those last words but steadied himself. 

“But there’s a treatment, right?” She tried to remain hopeful holding the panic at bay for as long as possible.

He pulled back to his side of the sofa, resting his head in his hands, once more staring at the carpet. He shook his head. “No, there’s not.” He continued to stare blankly at nothing at all.

She moved herself closer to him. “But the pills you were taking this morning….aren’t they a treatment?”

He hangs his head in defeat shaking it from side to side. “No, that’s just to help with the symptoms. There is no cure.”

He hears a gasp from her as her hand clutches around his bicep. He can feel her moving closer to him wrapping the other arm around his back with her head resting against his shoulder blade. She knows but she doesn’t want to know. She has to ask but she doesn’t want to ask. Once it is said there is no unsaying it. “How long?”

There had never been such a silence. He leaned back against her. She adjusted herself so that her head rested on his shoulder where he could rest his head against hers. Her hand tightened around his arm bracing herself for when he finally spoke. After what seemed like endless minutes he finally croaked out, “six months”. 

The low guttural cry from the back of her throat almost broke him. He turned to gather her in his arms; she scrambling to hold as much of him as possible. There was no possible way to stop herself from crying. Her whole being hurt for him. ‘This can’t be right.’ Her mind seemed to be screaming. ‘He was the young one. He was supposed to outlive her.’ The tears continued to flow as the reality of his words slowly sunk in. 

He rocked her in his arms trying to provide some comfort despite knowing it was him causing her such pain. As her sobs began to slow he laid back on the sofa keeping her close to him. His left hand stroked her hair and her cheek, while his other rubbed small circles on her back. All the while he kissed her forehead whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ again and again.

It was hard to know how much time had passed before the sobs ebbed and her breathing began to return to normal. Lifting her head he looked down at her. She kissed his lips softly before resting her head on his chest again. He tightened his hold on her to somehow convey that he was sorry and that he loved her.

Breaking the silence her voice sounded gentle, “How are your mum and dad doing with all this?” 

He gave her a squeeze. “They don’t know.”

She gasped, “Matt! Why not?”

“What would be the point? There going to be sad enough later why do I have to make them sad now?”

“Why does that sound like something the Doctor said?”

He chuckled. “Cause it kinda is, well the concept anyways but the point is still valid. Why tell them? They can’t change anything and they will just be sad longer.”

She sits up on his chest to look him in the eye. “Then why tell me?”

He caresses her cheek with his fingertips. “Well to be honest love, I had no intention of telling you either.”

“They why did you?” 

“Because you caught me off guard this morning when my head was pounding and I suppose I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.” He scooted down on the sofa so they were face to face. “The truth is you would have seen through me eventually. You always do.” He kissed her, then pressed his cheek next to hers. Whispering into her ear, “I’m sorry Alex. I’m sorry for telling you. I’m sorry for making you sad. I’m sorry I was too much of a coward to tell you how I really felt until now. I love you. I will always love you even….”

She pressed her finger to his lips to stop whatever he was going to say next. 

She replaced her finger with her own lips as she slowly kissed him. She then begins to talk softly in his ear, “I’m sorry this is happening to you Matt. This is wrong. It is so so wrong. I am sad but I’m honored that you would share this with me.” She strokes his face. “You’re no more a coward than I. I’ve known how I felt about you for awhile now.” He turns to look her in the eyes as she speaks. “I thought I was all wrong for you. I didn’t want to hold you back.”

“You never would, love.” He whispered.

She’s trying not to cry, “Matt I love you. I think I have loved you since those first days when we met.” His face lights up hearing her say those words for the first time. “There was always something about you. I was drawn to you even when I knew it was wrong.”

His hand rubs against her cheek, “It was never wrong. There was nothing ever wrong in loving me or in me loving you.”

“I thought I was too old for you and that I shouldn’t have the type of feelings for you that I did.” She brushes away the tears that have escaped down her cheek.

“That hardly matters anymore.” Her eyes went wide then full of tears as she wept on his chest. Pulling her closer to him, “I’m sorry Alex I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to make you cry again.”

“It’s not your fault. I think you’re going to have to get used to ‘Weepy Alex’ for awhile.”

Wrapping himself tighter around her. “As long as I get to spend time with you I will take any version of Alex that you have.”

“You might regret that statement. Ask Salome – there are a number of versions of me she would most definitely like to not see again.”

“Speaking of the poppet, when is she due back?”

“Not till next week. Since I’m been here so much lately we have been doing one week at her dad’s and one week here.”

He waggles his eyebrows at her, “So does that mean I can have some alone time with you?”

“You can always have alone time with me but I’m not sure how much I am ready for right now. This is still a lot to process.”

“Alex no I didn’t mean ….well, maybe I did but I just want to spend time with you, to be able to hold you, kiss you, watch a little crap telly, go to the grocer, just be a part of your life.”

She leans up giving him a chaste kiss. “I want that too darling.”

They spend the rest of the day “puttering around the house” as Alex calls it. They took a walk in the garden, made a quick trip to the grocer for ingredients when she mentioned biscuits and he prettily begged her to make some, had a late lunch, and watched several films before just giving in to a nap on the sofa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	8. Alex’s Sacred Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so blessed at the number of you willing to take this journey with me. Your comments, encouragement, and praise are more than any writer could ask for. There have been tears and our hearts are heavy with what the future brings.  
> Along with Matt and Alex we all need a respite from the angst. Enjoy the next few chapters as they make peace with their new revelations in their lives.

He wakes to the feel of her hands stroking his hair. “Hey there!” He croaks groggily while trying to stretch a bit on the way too small sofa for the two of them.

“Hey there yourself!” She returns playfully. He’s feeling a little uneasy with the way she is looking at him. He can’t remember ever seeing that look on her face before and he was sure he remembered every look she ever given him.

“Alex, what’s up?” His tone sounds concerned.

“What do you mean?”

“Well….you’re looking at me…..I don’t know…..odd.” 

She leans down kissing him softly. “I’m sorry darling. I didn’t mean to unnerve you. It’s just….well…would you consider…..letting me….paint you?”

“Paint me? Like body paint me?” 

“No, you idiot!” She swats his chest. “I mean like a portrait.”

His eyes go wide. “A portrait of me? Whoever would want to look at a portrait of me?”

Her eyes rake over his body and back to his face before she answers, “Well I for one!” 

He swallows hard. “So would this be like some of the classics……a nude?”

Sounding perhaps a bit more professional than he was hoping for in this moment, “No, not a nude but something revealing but tasteful.”

Now he was looking at her….odd. “You’re serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. You know that I paint. I would very much like to paint you.” Her fingers haven’t stopped caressing his face, now his body throughout this entire conversation.

“Well I know you have talked about painting but I’ve never seen anything you’ve done. Why is that?”

“Private I guess. I don’t really show it to anyone. It’s, I suppose, just for me.” She doesn’t look at him but is drawing small circles through his shirt on his chest.

His hand cups her chin raising it so he can see her eyes. “Would you …..show it to me?”

She blushes, an honest to god blush. ‘Alex Kingston who could parade around in nothing at all in front of cast and crew is blushing because I asked to see her paintings!’ “Well with that response now you HAVE to show me!” He teases her. 

She hides her face into his chest, shaking her head. He slides down the sofa pulling her up to him. “Why so shy Kingston? It’s only me.”

“It’s not that. Its just I haven’t shown anyone for a very long time. I’m a bit….”

“What? A bit what?” He prods.

“A bit afraid of what you’ll think of them.” She tried to hide her face from him again.

“Hey, hey look at me.” She turned back towards him. “Alex there isn’t anything about you that I wouldn’t love.” She smiles. “Also I know that there isn’t anything that you do that you don’t do brilliantly so honestly woman I don’t know what your worried about!”

Her lips crash onto his sucking on his lower lip pushing to taste all of him. Her body is pressed into his as his hands explore along her back teasing at the beginnings of her backside. He does things to her and she wants him to know it and he does, more than does. 

When he starts getting dizzy from the lack of air she pulls back getting off the sofa. “What? Where you going?’

She is pulling him up, “If you still want to see them; I’d like to show you.” It takes him a moment for his lust addled brain to register that she is talking about her paintings. 

“Yes, yes I do!” He gets off the sofa and follows her. She takes them through the garden to a small outbuilding at the end of the property. He had noticed it earlier but assumed it was a garden shed. Along the side of it lay various clay pots in a variety of sizes and shapes. 

“I mostly use this for my studio.” She explains as they approach. “But there’s also some storage for my gardening supplies as well. I guess you could call it my hobby house.” She giggles.

Hearing Alex giggle for the first time since he arrived made his heart sing. She was about to share something very personal to her. This might possibly be more revealing than if she was standing naked before him. This was a peek into who she was inside; the Alex that she keeps well guarded.

The doors to the studio are French doors that open outward. He imagines she leaves them open to let the air in. She opens them then steps back letting him go in ahead of her. It’s one large room with the ceiling open to the rafters. The inside wood has been whitewash stained. It looks to be an old structure even though he knows the main house is no more than fifty years old.

“It used to be a barn in Ohio for a small farm. When they tore it down they brought it out here and put it back together piece by piece.” She was leaning against the doorframe watching him as he looked about her sacred space.

There were large windows on either side of the structure that let in plenty of natural light. The opposite wall from the doors was a full expanse of wall. Hanging from it were a varied assortment of paintings. There didn’t seem to be any pattern to the subjects or the styles – each uniquely different. He smiled to himself. ‘Just like Alex.’ Along the edges of the walls were more canvases leaning against each other. Walking over to them he looked in her direction, “Would it be ok if I….” he gestured towards the paintings.

“Yes, yes of course.” Slowly she walked over to where he was looking through the canvases. Most of these were in progress. She didn’t always have the time to complete them before a new inspiration would overtake her and she had moved on. Sometimes she went back to finish them when the mood struck, sometimes not.

He seemed intent to view every piece she had. While he continued to look through stack after stack she gathered her sketch pad and charcoal pencil sitting on the futon under the window. She’s not sure how much time had passed but when she looked up he was no longer looking at canvases but looking at her. “My god you are amazing! These are amazing Alex!” His arms are sweeping around the room to mean the paintings surrounding them.

And there she is blushing again! He comes closer to her, “Alex how is it that you can take all of your clothes off and not blush once in from of a crew of hundreds but me giving you a compliment about your paintings turns you all red?

She closes the sketch pad and tucks it under the futon, the pencil she absently slides into her hair where it is captured by her ringlets. He smiles at that as he sits down beside her. “Matt, it is completely different. My body is just skin. I’ve never thought much of it. I suppose those summers of being a nude model for art students changed my view on that. It never seemed like a big deal for others to see me naked.”

“But your paintings?” 

“My paintings…….my paintings are like seeing what’s under my skin. It’s like I have truly been stripped bare and whoever sees them will know me…..I know this sounds silly …..but know me intimately.”

He slides closer to her on the futon pulling her into an embrace. Her head lays on his chest while his chin rests on top of her head. “Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me.” He holds her close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After dinner they watch a bit of telly until she sees him drifting off. Nudging him, “I think it’s time for bed.”

He looks around the room realizing that he has nodded off. “Yeah, I guess it is.” His voice tired and sleepy.

“Did you take your medication tonight?” She doesn’t want a repeat of this morning.

“What time is it?” He asks.

“Half nine.”

“No, I better go take it now.” He seems a bit disoriented as he looks around the lounge. “Do you know where I put my bag?”

“Well I took it up to my washroom before you showered. Is it still up there?”

“Must be. I’ll just get a glass of water to take up.”

When he enters the washroom Alex is slathering moisturizer on her face. “Oh is that how you keep looking so young there Kingston?”

“Behave you!” As she swats his shoulder. 

He locates his bag on the floor and takes it into the bedroom. Placing it on the bed he rifles through it until he finds his pills. Taking them out he takes one, then the other. He is finishing off the water when Alex comes back into the room. Placing her dressing gown on the chair by the bed she slides under the covers.

He’s not sure what to do next. Yes, he slept here last night but they also didn’t get out of their clothes. He looks over to Alex, “Um Alex where did you want me to sleep tonight?”

Her eyes go wide before she looks over to him. “You don’t want to sleep here?” Her voice is barely audible.

“No, I do. I just didn’t want to presume.” His arms actually flail. He is so cute when he is flustered.

“Darling, of course I want you to stay here but only if you feel comfortable with that.”

“I am.” He pulled off his shirt and dropped his jeans to the floor. Clad in only his boxers he crawled under the covers. “Is this ok? I can put on a pair of joggers?”

She curled up next to him, her head against his chest, her arm around his waist. “I am very ok with this.” She leaned up giving him a quick kiss goodnight. “Goodnight Matt.”

He had curled his arm around her holding her close, his other arm resting on top of hers. “Goodnight Kingston.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	9. At the Beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have all been so lovely and you deserve some fun times with Matt and Alex after all that I have put you through so far. Enjoy a little time at the beach.............

“Matt….Matt.” He could hear someone quietly calling his name. At first they seemed so far away but now they were closer. He feels warm kisses on his cheek, now there on my lips, oh I could kiss her forever. His eyes open wide to a lot of curly hair near his face. She was pulling away….its Alex…….of course, it’s Alex.

“Good morning sleepyhead!” She leaned down for a more proper good morning kiss. Sitting back up, her hands were occupied fondling his hair. It felt so good he hoped she would never stop. “I didn’t want to wake you but its half nine. I thought you would want to take your pills.” He was immediately brought out of his dream state and cruelly back into a reality where this doesn’t get to last too long. 

“Um, yeah…..I best do that.” He started to get up.

“You don’t have to get up if you’re not ready. Here’s a glass of water and I brought your pill bottle. Why don’t you just take them and then go back to sleep for a little while longer.” He nods taking the pill bottle shaking out two. She takes it back in exchange for the water glass. 

He swallows them down then falls back against the pillows. “Just a little while longer if that’s ok?”

Leaning down she kisses his cheek, “Sleep as long as you like. I’ll be here when you wake up.” She allows her fingers to run through his hair. He smiles a little smile and settles in more into the bedding. Within moments he has drifted off again. For several long moments she watches him sleep while her fingers intermingle with his hair.

Placing the water glass and the pills on the night stand she heads downstairs. A few minutes later she returns with her sketch pad and charcoal pencil. Sitting in the chaise across from him she watches him sleep making sketches of his beautiful peaceful face. In that moment she can almost forget what he told her yesterday…..almost forget of his shortened future…..almost.

It’s over an hour later before his eyes begin to flutter open. He hears faint scratching close by. Curious of the sound he opens his eyes further. Not far away Alex is seated on the brightly floral chaise lounge. Her feet are drawn up with a sketch pad leaning against them. Her hand moves swiftly across the page, ever so often slowing making smaller more detailed etchings. She is focused so fully on what she is drawing she hasn’t notice that he is awake. Her tongue curls in the corner of her mouth as she makes each stroke. As he notices her head tilt in his direction he quickly closes his eyes. He wants to enjoy his private view into her personal world for just a little longer. 

The third time he closes his eyes she catches him. She smiles at him. “Hey I can see you pretending to be sleeping!”

Busted, he opens his eyes and smiles back at her. “Morning!”

“Morning yourself.” She closes her sketch pad and slides it under the chaise leaving the pencil on top of it. Walking over to the bed she sits on the edge draping her arm over his form. “How are you feeling?”

“Good….actually feel rested for the first time in I don’t know when.” He adjusts himself to wrap his arms around her waist. “Must have been having you cuddled up next to me all night.” He pulls her down to him so he can continue cuddling her. His lips meet hers in a good morning kiss. He doesn’t intend to take it further but having Alex so close, both now and all night, is stirring him for more. He deepens the kiss exploring her mouth as his hands pull her closer to him. 

She is startled by the feel of his erection against her thigh. It was one thing for him to say that he loved her but yet another to feel his desire for her….for her. She was still trying to wrap her head around Matt wanting her. Her wanting him…..that she could understand. He was young, handsome, and in the last few years muscular. What could he see in her? Her old insecurities still nagged at her despite all that he said. Why would he lie? Especially now? This train of thought brought the reality of his condition back to her and she nearly broke down again. Instead she pulled away from his lips and laid on his chest hoping he wouldn’t see the sorrow in her eyes.

He didn’t say anything but held her tight. He knew she didn’t want him to see the sadness on her face. He didn’t want to see it either. Lying there he wonders if he did the right thing coming here. Maybe he was just being selfish. Of course, this is what he wanted ……to spend all the time he had left with her…loving her. Was he being fair to her though? She would have been sad when she heard of his passing but that would be of her friend, Matt Smith. He is asking her to let him be so much more to her. And that is so much more that she will need to say goodbye to. ‘God, I am such a prick. This might even be worse that what Fiennes did to her! How could I be so selfish?’

Looking down on her face he falls in love all over again, and he knows this is how. Because living without her was like dying and being with her feels like he will live forever….even if he doesn’t.

A few minutes later she perks up looking at him while resting against his chest, “I was thinking would you like to go to the beach?”

“The beach? What made you think of that?” He looks at her with curiosity.

“I don’t know. You never get to go and the weather is beautiful today. It seemed like a good day for the beach.” Even if he had any intention of saying no, the look on her face would have convinced him otherwise.

Leaning down he gives her a sweet, slow kiss. “I think I’d like that. Does this mean I finally get to see you in a bikini, Kingston?”

She swatted his chest as she rose from the bed. “I don’t think anyone wants to see that!”

He quickly got out of the bed and had his arms around her before she turned. “Ms. Kingston, I think you do not realize your effect on the rest of us, especially me. I would most definitely like to see you sporting a bikini.” He waggles his eyebrows at her for emphasis. “I promise to fight off all the guys….and possibly girls who may drop at your feet begging you to give them a chance.”

She has to smile. How does he always know what to say to make her feel so ridiculously special? “I don’t think you will be too busy on my account.”

“On the contrary Kingston, I may not have a moment’s peace fending them off. On second thought maybe you shouldn’t wear a bikini afterall…do you have a potato sack?”

“Oh you….you are impossibly sweet, you know that?” She holds his face in her hands before giving his lips a peck and turning towards her closet.

“That’s why you love me!” He hollers after her.

Turning she looks at him with an intensity he hadn’t expected, “Yeah, that is why I love you.” She continues on to get ready for the beach.

In his years of traveling he has always thrown a swim suit in his travel bag. Often it was just to do laps in the hotel pool but at this moment he was glad he did. Alex had slipped downstairs while he was in the shower so he hurried to get dressed to join her. She was in the kitchen packing up a cooler and a wicker basket. “What’s all this?” He said as he entered.

“Oh just a little lunch and drinks. I always get so famished at the beach.” On the table there was a beach bag, a pile of towels and what looked like a large blanket. “So I got most of the stuff ready, we just need to dig out the umbrella somewhere in the garage.”

“An umbrella? What do you need an umbrella at the beach for? Expecting rain?”

“Oh you poor daft English boy. California has sun, lots of it. Us non-natives need a little respite from it once in a while. You’ll see.”

Poking through the beach bag he pouts, “What no sand toys?”

Chuckling at him, “Oh Doctor, your little boy is showing again!” He stuck his tongue out at her. In a teasing tone, “If you really want some there might be some in the garage. We can look.”

His eyes brightened. “I think that would be brilliant, Kingston!” She had to laugh. Sometimes he was such a child and she loved him for it more everyday.

All packed up complete with umbrella (and sand toys!), they even found a couple of beach chairs as they headed to the beach. Having lived here for a while Alex knew not to go to the public beaches. Both of them wouldn’t have a moment to themselves. She had a special place in mind. After about a half hour she pulled into the driveway of a fairly posh home in Malibu. “Uh Alex, I thought we were going to the beach?”

“Yeah of course we are.” She got out of the car and moved around to the boot and began to empty it.

“But Alex, this is someone’s house.” 

“Yes, someone’s house on the beach!” She continued to gather their beach items.

“Um not that I would mind locked in a jail cell with you for trespassing but do you at least know these people?”

She gave him a very naughty look and purred, “What would be the fun in that?”

He shook his head and started to gather the beach apparel following her lead as she lifted the lock on the gate and closing it behind them. Following her down the path he could smell the ocean and the air tasted of salt and sand. When he finally saw the blue of the ocean laid out before him he had to stop for a moment to take it in. Beaches never looked like this back home. They were usually rocky and seemed to constantly have a fog hanging over them. Here it was sunny, bright and the water was so incredibly blue. ‘Almost TARDIS blue’, he thought.

She bumped into him pushing him further towards the water. Since it was someone’s home there wasn’t anyone else on this expanse of beach. As he got closer to the water he could see folks further down the shore on both sides. It didn’t take long to get the umbrella up, lay out the blanket, and set up the chairs. They positioned the cooler and basket in the shade beneath the umbrella. “So what do you say Kingston want to get wet?”

“Not so fast there you. We need to get some sunscreen on you.” She said then started rooting around in the bag for the tube of sunblock.

“What? Really?” He pouted at her.

“Yes really you pasty Brit. You’ll be a blazing lobster by the end of the day if we don’t. Now take your shirt off and come here.”

He pulls the shirt over his head and throws it on the blanket. “Oh Ms. Kingston, I like when you get all ……commanding.” He teased.

She slaps his shoulder as he kneels down in front of her so she can put lotion on his back. “I’ll show you commanding….”

He turns his face to catch her eye, “Really? I don’t think I’d mind that.” His look is absolutely filthy.

“If you don’t behave I don’t think I’m going to let you see what I am wearing under this sundress.” Her voice is taunting and haughty.

Swallowing hard he asks without turning back around. “Does this mean your wearing a bikini?”

Bringing her mouth very close to his ear she whispers, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” At that moment he was grateful that they were on a private beach because surely everyone would be able to see the tightness of his swim shorts. He was just hoping he could get into the cold water before Alex noticed.

She was sitting in the low beach chair rubbing suntan lotion on his back. It was difficult being this close to him, touching him in this way, and it not affect her. He always affected her…just a touch of his hand on set would cause her heart to race. This was like electricity coursing from his body connecting through her fingertips throughout hers. An undeniable connection. “Turn around Sweetie.” When he did she continued to slather the white liquid across his chest and down his arms. Picking up a small tube she put a small amount in each hand then raised them to his face. The deep look of love on his face caused her to pause before her fingers smoothed the lotion into his features. “There I think you’re good. Might need to apply it again, especially if you get wet. Would you mind putting lotion on me?”

“Thought you’d never ask.” His voice was huskier that either of them expected it to be. She blushed. 

She started to unfasten the buttons on the strap of her sundress but her hands were covered in lotion. “Would you mind taking off my sundress? I don’t want to get lotion all over it.”

His mouth went dry and he seemed unable to speak so he just nodded. He undid the buttons on the straps and let them fall behind her. She stood in front of him and tried to wiggle out of the dress. Reaching up he slowly tugged it down revealing beneath a bikini clad Alex…..a very tiny red bikini. Unable to take his eyes off of her he stayed kneeled before her gaping at her. 

She stepped out of the sundress and walked behind him. “Would you mind folding it and putting it on the blanket; then you can sit in the chair.” He did as she asked. His body seemed to be moving without his input which was good since his mind was tripping out on the possibility of running his hands over her body.

When he turned back around she was kneeling where he had been her back to the chair. Slowly he put lotion in his hands and began to smooth it over her skin. He was not prepared for the gasp from her when his hands touched her. He could feel his shorts becoming uncomfortable again. His hands moved slowly covering each centimeter of skin again and again. His hand tucked under the string of her bikini top making sure no surface area was missed. His fingertips teased at the edge of her bikini bottoms brushing slightly inside them feeling the curve of her arse. Her body instinctively arched into him making him wish they weren’t on a beach.

She turned so he could apply lotion to the front of her. He couldn’t help notice how dark her eyes had become and when she placed her hands on top of his legs to steady herself he wasn’t sure if he could keep himself from taking her right here. As his fingers moved across her skin he was committing it to memory, every curve, the position of a freckle, the place where her neck meets her body. Touching Alex in this way, up to this moment had only been a dream. He hoped he never had to wake up from it if it was. Reluctantly his hands left her to pick up the smaller tube of face sunblock that she had used on him. 

She watched as he applied the face lotion only to his fingertips. She couldn’t wait for the feel of his hands on her cheeks, her lips, her nose. She knew, he knew, they both knew there was so much more going on here that applying sunscreen. They left it unsaid….it didn’t need to be said.

When he was finished her eyes were shut and he could resist no longer. Bending down he captured her lips in his. At first she gasped in surprise then took his in hers as well. Their arms pulled on each other sliding on the lotion. Giggling a bit, they continued to map out each other with their tongue stopping only when air became absolutely necessary.

They only separated when they heard the sound of footsteps near them. Both looking in the direction of the sound they saw a jogger race past them on his way down the beach. Looking back at each other they both are smiling rather sheepish grins. Upon sight of each other they both burst out laughing. Getting to his feet he pulls her up as well. “Care to accompany me to the ocean, Ms. Kingston.”

Raising herself up on her tiptoes she gives him a small peck. “Don’t mind if I do Mr. Smith.” They walk down to the waters edge hand in hand. He can’t help but notice how much freer she seems with him in public, more so than she ever has been before. 

Before he can think about that much longer a wave comes to shore covering their feet with the cold Pacific Ocean. He lets out a very unmanly yelp causing her to start laughing at him uncontrollably. This may have been a bad idea because the next thing she knew he had her picked up in his arms and was wading into the water. “Matthew don’t you dare. Put me down.”

“As you wish milady.” He says as he drops her in thigh deep water. Where his body had been slowly adjusting to the cold temperature hers had to adjust all at once. First she screamed, then went under the water, then was sputtering as she quickly tried jumping out of the water. He stood there laughing at her.

“Oh you! I hate you!” She began splashing his remaining dry body with the cold ocean water as he tried running from her. Of course he didn’t make it far before his gangly limbs caused him to trip and fall into the water. He too immediately jumped out of the freezing water sputtering just as she had moments before. “Ha, serves you right!” She points at him before sinking to her neck in the water. Now that the initial chill was over the water didn’t feel so cold.

Wading over to her he sunk down in the water too reaching for her immediately. She brought her hands around his neck as his wrapped around her waist. A smile between them and a quick kiss said that all was forgiven. “I didn’t think the water would be this cold here in California.” 

“What this can’t be your first time in the Pacific Ocean can it?” She seems surprised.

“Well no. I have been when I was in Bali, and in South America but never here in the States.” They are holding on to each other as they let themselves bob to the waves.

“All the times you have been out here you never went to the beach?” She asks incredulously.

“There never seemed to be time. It was rush to this, go to that. The closest I had gotten to the ocean here before today was driving by in a car.” He pulled at a wet ringlet dangling in her face tucking in behind her ear.

“Well then I’m glad we came. You haven’t lived until you have experienced beach life.” Relinquishing her arms around his neck she laid back in the water allowing herself to float on top of it. She looked so free and open with her arms stretched at her sides, her eyes closed to the sun, and a smile on her face. Her position in front of him gave him a rather spectacular view of her form in the very tiny, now very wet and clingy red bikini. He was glad he was mostly out of sight in the cold water, although he did need to adjust himself to ease the strain.

Dropping her legs she turned to him “Your turn. It’s very freeing.”

Shaking his head, “I don’t think these limbs can be that graceful.”

“Come on. I’ll help you.” Going behind him she instructed him to lean his head back on her, then raise his legs. When that actually worked he braved putting his arms out at his side as she had. His head rested on her shoulder while her arms seemed to hold him up down his back. He did feel free, and safe in Alex’s arms.

He looked so happy stretched before her. She was glad she could put a smile on his face and when her eyes followed down his body she realized she put a smile somewhere else too. Getting a wicked gleam in her eye she slowly lets her hands travel down his body until she cups his arse in her hand. Without hesitation she allows the other hand to travel under the hem of his shorts brushing against his firm member. He immediately reacts by falling down in the water. “What are you doing?” He hisses.

Not letting his change in position stop her she reaches down past the waistband of his shorts reaching for him again. “You looked uncomfortable. I want you to be all…..relaxed.” Her mouth was just millimeters from his ear as her hand encased his length.

“Alex?” He didn’t seem upset just perhaps a little confused.

“Let me.” She purred in his ear. He moved his head to find her lips kissing her with passion and lust and love. As his lips explored and tasted her; her hand pulled him free of his shorts. She deftly stroked him up and down rubbing her finger across his head causing him to emit a hiss. His lips traveled from her lips to her neck where he nibbled, nipped, and sucked while her hand made him infinitely harder. Her leg rose between his legs thrusting against his balls causing light flashes around his eyes. He had to seek out her lips to hide his groans inside her mouth. She continued to stroke his length as he chose to explore the neglected side of her neck with his lips. She could feel his cock twitch, feel his breath become more ragged against her throat. She knew he was close. Bringing her lips close to his ear she breathed into him, “Let go darling, I’ve got you.” He immediately turned to plunder her mouth as his body writhed with his release. She continued to stroke him softly until he seemed to fall against her body spent.

She reached around cupping his arse in her hands while pulling him close to her. His lips were on hers again this time with languid kisses of contentment. When he pulls back his smile lights up his face. “You always surprise me Alex. That’s one of the things I love about you. I never know what to expect.” He kisses her deeply once more.

Her arms back around his neck she asks, “Are you ready for lunch, cause I’m famished?” He nods kissing her once more before reaching into the water to pull his swim trunks back up. Making sure all is properly contained he takes her hand leading them out of the water. 

They enjoyed lunch under the shade of the umbrella. Matt began to understand why Alex felt they needed it. Although the sun felt good you needed some respite from its constant beating against their skin. After their appetites were satisfied he stretched out on the blanket face in the shade but the rest of him absorbing the rays. It wasn’t long before he had nodded off to sleep and she sat quietly observing him. 

After a few minutes she carefully removed his sunglasses so she could take in his whole face. Poking into her bag she pulled out a smaller sketchpad and charcoal pencil. Sitting in her chair her feet buried in the cool sand she did sketch after sketch of him. Sometimes it was just his face, or just his hand. God his hands were elegant. She had long since admired his hands. Drawing them she couldn’t help to wonder how they would feel within her. 

She was attempting a full body sketch when he started to stir. Looking over to her he noticed she seemed to again have a sketchbook in her hand. “So how come in all these years I have known you I have never seen you with a sketchbook, now you never seem to be without one?”

Quickly tucking it back in the bag along with the pencil she answers thoughtfully. “I suppose it was because we were always working.” She walked over to the blanket plopping down next to him.

“So you don’t sketch when you work?” He reaches out to take her hand in his playing with her fingers.

“No, not really. Sketching and painting is a creative outlet that I do in my downtime between acting. I suppose it’s where I put all that artistic energy that I normally would put into acting.” She’s moved closer leaning against his side enjoying the play of their hands.

He brings her hand to his mouth kissing them ever so softly with his lips. “Like I said, you never stop surprising me.”

She moves up holding herself above him with the hand he is not holding, her face hovering just slightly above his. “Glad to know I still have a few surprises left in me.” Leaning down her lips meet his letting him know how glad she is that he is here with her. She then wraps herself around him enjoying the feel of his arms wrapped around her. They lay there for awhile before sitting up watching the waves crash into the shore. The constant movement and sound mixed in with the occasional squawk of a seagull is all they can hear as they lean on one another heads resting together.

“Do you think we should head back?” He finally asks breaking the spell.

“I was hoping we could watch the sunset together before we go.” His arm pulled her closer. 

“Don’t you think we should get out of here before whoever owns this place comes home?” She had to laugh at him.

“Where is your sense of adventure?” He raised his hands in surrender.

“I bow to your sense of adventure River Song but I reserve the right to be quite cross with you if I have to share a jail cell with a large burly man.” He teased.

“Don’t worry Sweetie, you know I will always save you.” She leans over to kiss him.

‘If only she could.’ He thinks to himself before banishing the unhappy thoughts from this perfect day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	10. Matt meets George

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As their day at the beach turns into night.........................

As the sun sets lower in the sky it began to cool. She put her sundress back on and he his shirt. She sat between his legs with his arms around her their towels covering their legs. The sight of the sun dipping below the horizon was breathtaking especially when viewed through Alex’s eyes. He was holding her from behind breathing in the scent of her hair when he heard footsteps come up behind them.

“Well I see you’ve made yourself at home.” A man’s voice boomed behind them. Matt froze around Alex not sure how best to react when caught trespassing.

“Yes, well it seemed a shame to waste a perfectly good beach when you weren’t using it.” She responded cheekily not even bothering to look back at the man she was talking to.

To Matt’s surprise the man dropped down on the blanket next to them. He seemed to be wearing a business suit but his feet were bare. “So how are you doing Alex?” The man asked. Matt’s hold on Alex relaxed slightly when it appeared they might know each other.

“I’m doing pretty well. Still chasing after all the Hollywood starlets?”

“I do what I can.” 

Turning to Matt, Alex said, “Matt this is George. George this is Matt.” 

A little flustered but glad they wouldn’t be going to jail he put out his hand to greet the man named George. George shook his hand enthusiastically. “Well Matt, I’m glad to finally meet you. Of course, I have heard about you from Alex and I’ve seen your work. I didn’t think this day would happen though.”

“Um, sorry…what?” He wasn’t sure if this guy was a fan or what was going on. “What day would come?”

“Why the day Alex finally let you into her life!” If he could see Matt’s face in the darkness he would have seen the complete shock on it. ‘So this guy knows how Alex feels about him. Who the hell is this guy?’

Alex had buried her face in her hands and was shaking it back and forth. “George fucking Clooney, I’m going to kill you!”

Now Matt really was registering shock. “Wait, your George Clooney? THE George Clooney?”

George looked over to Alex. “I see you neglected to tell him whose house you were invading.”

“Didn’t invade your house, only your beach you sod. God, I can’t tell you anything!” George was chuckling at her. 

Looking back and forth between Alex and Matt in the darkness he finally said, “I can see it. You two fit together.”

“Um, thanks.” Matt mumbled. “Um, I suppose we should get out of your way.”

“Nonsense! How about I help you put your stuff in the car and then we can have some wine on the deck?”

“Ok, but only if you promise to keep your mouth closed …you.” She pokes his chest with her finger.

“I promise nothing.” Matt looks at Alex then George in complete bewilderment. They collect up all of the gear walking back up the path they had come down. After stowing it in the boot of the car Alex pulls her handbag from the inside of the car before they head back in. Walking inside George directs them to the back of the house. “Alex you know where everything is. Pick out something you like. I’ll just go change into something more casual.”

Matt follows Alex as they enter a family room that takes up the entire back end of the house with large windows looking out into the ocean. Right inside the room is a fully stocked bar. She ducks behind the bar surveying the choice of wines currently in the cooler. She pulls out one red and one white. Matt just watches in disbelief as she seems so at home here (in George Clooney’s house!) 

Pulling the ridiculously elaborate wine opener towards her she starts opening the red first. “Darling, why don’t you get us the glasses? They are in the far right cupboard back there.” She points behind her. “We’ll need two large glasses for red and one smaller one for white.” 

He follows her directions bringing them to her as she completes opening the white. “Um Alex, you seem awful comfortable here.” He knows how that sounds and he hates himself for saying it but Christ it is George Clooney. 

She looks over to him with her patented eye roll. “Honestly? Really? Not everyone succumbs to the Clooney charm.”

“Not that I didn’t try!” George says as he walks in the room. Gone is his suit, replaced with a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts. The look Alex gave him would have wilted a lesser man but George took it in stride. “You have nothing to worry about Matt, that was decades ago and she shut me down before I even had a chance.”

The wine poured she passes one of the reds to Matt and the other to George, keeping the white for herself. George raised his glass for a toast. “To good friends, both new and old, glad I can share my home and wine with you. Salute!”

“Salute!” They all say before taking a drink.

“Would you like to sit on the back deck?” He offers.

“Yes, that would be lovely.” Alex responds.

“Ok, well you guys grab the wine and I’ll open up the doors.” He opens the glass door pushing it all the way to the side of the room; he then turns and does the same with the other side. Practically the entire back end of the house is open to the ocean.

They take the wine onto the deck placing it on the table. He motions them to the sitting area that has been positioned for viewing the beach and the ocean. “God, it is beautiful here.” Matt finally says.

“Yeah, I like it. Lucky for me I bought this place when I first started on ER. That was before real estate went through the roof. I’m not sure if I could afford it now.” 

Alex scoffs at him. “Oh come on. You make like a blockbuster movie a year. Don’t act like your poor.”

He laughs at her. “Ok, maybe I could still buy it but I’m not sure I would now. I’m in a different place in my life. This house is more of a party lifestyle. I’m not about that all the time anymore.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” She says. “A beach house is a great place for contemplation. Sure you can still have gatherings here but sitting here or on the beach just you and the ocean. It reminds you of how small a part you play in the universe. He helps center you bringing forth what is really important in your life.” Matt reaches over taking her hand in his squeezing it in agreement. He thinks he understands why Alex wanted to bring him here today. 

They move onto lighter subjects delighting in getting George to reveal stories about Alex in her ER days. He is especially moved about when she was pregnant with Salome. She seems surprised that he has such an interest in that part of her life. They end up moving the party inside where George and Alex take over the kitchen while Matt watches in amusement. 

Sitting back from the table they are all properly stuffed. George has quite the culinary skills and along side Alex they created a lovely feast. George seems to be distracted by something and excuses himself from the table. When he returns he has Alex’s bag with him. “Alex something is beeping in your bag. I thought it might be important.”

The smile falls from her face. “Oh yes, it must be half nine is it?”

George looks at his watch, “Yeah a little past, why?”

“Oh nothing. Just something I have to take care of.” Turning to Matt. “Um Matt, could you help me with something?” He nods and follows her out of the room. In the next room she pulls his pills from her purse tapping out two into his hand. “You can get some water behind the bar.” He presses a kiss to her lips before heading to the bar area. Shoving them back into her purse she sits it on the floor before heading back to the kitchen area.

George is sipping his wine looking out at the water. When she sits down he turns to look at her. “What was that about?”

“Nothing.” 

“That was hardly nothing, Alex. You turned white as a sheet when you realized what time it was. What’s really going on?” He pressed.

She leaned into him. “Not something I want to talk about right now.” Her tone was serious and yet he could see that the matter was upsetting to her. He decided to let it drop….for now.

Matt returned and they finished off the wine. It was time for them to head home. He was glad he had taken a nap earlier in the day as this had turned into a long evening. George walked them to the door. “Well Matt it was wonderful to finally get to know you. I see why Alex cares about you so much.” George shook his hand as he stepped out to the driveway. He waited by the car giving Alex a moment alone to say her good-bye.

When he was sure Matt couldn’t hear. He said, “Alex whatever it is you know you can count on me, right?”

“Yes, I do. Thank you for that and thank you for today. It helped us more than you will ever know.” 

Eyeing her strangely, “You’ll tell me if I can help won’t you?”

“I will but I think this might even be out of your hands my friend.” She hugs him before kissing him on his cheek then heading to the car.

On the car ride home he chides her. “I can’t believe you let me spend the entire day worrying about getting caught at somebody’s house when you knew whose house it was all along.”

She chuckles. “I can’t let you in on all my secrets.”

His head is resting on the back of the seat while he looks over at her, “I wish you would.” He says wistfully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	11. Who Are We To Each Other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a ridiculously long chapter. Every time I tried to break it up into smaller ones it just didn't seem right. This is a day in their life and it just all flows together so grab a lovely cuppa tea and enjoy!

He wakes the next morning to a hideous beeping sound. Opening his eyes he searches for the offending noise. On the nightstand he sees a note from Alex. Good morning Sweetie! Next to the note are his pills, a glass of water, and her phone making that awful sound. He shuts off the phone before swinging his legs around to sit on the edge of the bed. Shaking out two pills he takes them one at a time with generous amounts of water.

Since it is already half nine and he doesn’t feel that tired he decides to get up to see what Alex is doing. He digs out a pair of joggers, then pulls on a tshirt before picking up her phone to head downstairs. He’s surprised when he doesn’t see her in the lounge or the kitchen. Placing her phone on the kitchen counter he notices a mug with a note leaning against it. Have some tea ~ I’m out back xo 

He hears odd music coming from the back garden. After preparing his tea he goes to the open French doors. Standing in the doorway he sips his tea as Alex moves from one yoga pose to another. She seems to be listening to some New Age music. He thinks to himself, ‘I really need to educate her on music.’

She is wearing a sports bra and a pair of very tight yoga pants. From his spot he has a spectacular view of her arse. Smiling as he watches her he sips his tea.

“Stop staring at my arse!” She admonishes while continuing with her movements.

Pushing himself off the doorframe, he sits his tea on the patio table as he walks towards her. “That’s never going to happen, Ms. Kingston. Your arse is much too spectacular not to be admired as frequently as possible.” He comes up behind her laying his hands against her arse and placing a kiss in the middle of her shoulder blades.

“Matt, I’m in the middle of my sequence. I need to finish or my muscles will hurt.” She shoots him a look over her shoulder. “Feel free to join me if you like.”

He’s laughing now. “Right Kingston, cause these limbs could be controlled to do what you are doing.” He has taken a step back to admire her form and is gathering a new respect for the athleticism of yoga.

“Here stand next to me and do what I do.” She motions for him next to her. He shakes his head but does as she asks. “Ok first start by standing with your legs together and raise both arms above you head. Good, keep your core straight. Now bring your left leg forward bending at the knee like I’m doing. Your doing great. Now stretch your right leg back. Hold that pose for a count of 10. Come back to center. That wasn’t so hard was it?”

“Actually no.”

“Now let’s try that again only when you stretch your leg back raise both arms like before. Keep your core straight. Excellent! I thought you said you couldn’t do this? This is called the Warrior I pose.” He smiled. He liked the idea of him being a warrior. She showed him several other poses before completing her routine.

He was surprised that such simple movements could cause him to perspire so quickly. His athletic body was something he had always been proud of now it seemed to be letting him down. Picking up his tea he sat in the patio chair admiring her form as she completed her routine.

Finished she picked up her towel to join him at the table. He handed her the bottled water that had been sitting there. “So what did you think of yoga?” She asked after taking a long drink.

“It was ….different, different than I expected it to be.” His look said that he hadn’t quite made up his mind about this topic yet.

“I do it each morning. You can always join me if you like.”

He thought for a moment. “So how come I have never seen you do it before?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. This is going to sound strange but I kinda associate it with my California life.” He gives her a perplexed look. “I like to do it outside, in the garden, with the sun on my face. That’s rather unlikely to happen in Cardiff.” He laughs cause that is so true.

“So you only do it here?”

“Mostly, although I have been known to need a yoga fix breaking down and attending a class or gym.” He smirks at her continuing to sip at his rapidly cooling tea. She delights in having him there while slowly drinking her water. It always amazes her that they can be comfortable in each other’s company while doing basically nothing at all.

“Well I need a shower. Do you think it’s possible for you to start breakfast without burning down my kitchen?”

“Kingston! I am deeply offended by your lack of faith in me.” He feigns a wounded heart.

Getting up she places a hand on his shoulder, “Actually it is just the opposite. I am putting my faith in you that you won’t burn down the kitchen while I’m taking a shower.” She leans down giving him a kiss. “By the way, good morning.”

He kisses her back. “Good morning. So bacon and eggs?”

“Sounds good. There might be a few scones left in the bread drawer.”

He gets up following her into the house. “No worries, I’ll manage something.” He wraps an arm around her waist pulling her into him for a quick kiss while his hand slides down over her bottom. She gives him a look and he responds by waggling his eyebrows at her. Giggling at him she heads upstairs for her shower.

He managed to cook the bacon without anything getting burned (including him). He had set the table, the scones warming in the oven where he added the bacon to keep warm as well. He was pouring orange juice when she came back into the kitchen. She was wearing a sunny sundress that gave him a nice view of her cleavage, her hair was still in wet ringlets. It was mostly down with a small amount pulled up in a clip. 

When she enters the kitchen he says, “Perfect timing, how would you like your eggs?” as he hands her a fresh cup of tea already prepared for her.

“I feel very decadent today. How about fried? Do you still have the bacon grease in a pan?”

“Kingston! That sounds so unlike you.”

“Yeah, well I don’t have much in the way of work lined up for a while. A little splurge won’t hurt.”

“Ok, but maybe you should cook the eggs. If this is your splurge I want to be sure it is the way you like it.”

She laughs at him. “Ok, you can make the toast. How do you want your eggs?”

“The same.” She looks at him. “What I can’t splurge too?” She laughs again. She always seems to be doing that when he is around, laughing.

The meal prepared they sit at the table and tuck into breakfast. His eyes shut each time he takes a bite of a scone savory it. She smiles that something so simple can give him such pleasure. She makes a mental note to make more.

“So yesterday was interesting.” He says breaking the quiet.

“Hm-mm. Anything in particular?” 

“Well I have to say meeting George Clooney was interesting.” She raises an eyebrow at him. “I mean of course I knew you worked with him on ER but it just seems other worldly that we were eating at his table in his house last night.”

“A little star struck, dear?” She chuckles at him as she nics the last piece of toast.

“I guess. I mean he’s George Clooney! Like you said he makes a blockbuster a year. It just doesn’t seem real that he would even talk to me, let alone make me dinner.”

Chuckling at him, “You know underneath we are all just people trying to make our way.”

He thought about her words leading him to other thoughts, “So it sounds like the cast of ER were pretty close like we were on Who.”

Finally finished with breakfast she moves the plate to the side so she can concentrate on her tea. “Oh, I don’t know. Yeah we were close but not the same as Who. Who was special.”

“Why, because I was there?” He looked over to her playfully.

“Well that was certainly part of it.” She gave him a coy smile. “but we were all so much closer at Who and I wasn’t even there all the time. On ER we were a big cast and we did spend a great deal of time at the studio. Mostly everyone got on quite well and I suppose after eight years we were close but at the end of the day everyone went their separate ways. We all had homes and lives that we went back to each night. Except for George’s parties and few of the cast I would lunch with we didn’t do much outside of the studio.”

He listened thoughtfully. “So no one barged into your place before dawn demanding tea and to be fed?”

She laughed remembering when he had done just that. “No, and no one insisting we play some stupid games that was just going to get us drunk off our arse till all hours in the morning.” They both remembered the many, many times Karen convinced them to “live a little.”

“Or how about the time Arthur insisted we should barbecue.”

“And since I was the only one with an outside balcony we had to do it at my place.”

“And he nearly burned down the entire building!” They were talking over each other reliving the memory. They both shook their heads. “I have to say that I will forever remember the look on Darvill’s face when the fireman came crashing in.”

She is laughing so hard her face hurts. “See what I mean? Only on Who could something like that have happened.”

“I suppose it was cause we were all forced to kinda live together their in the BBC flats in Cardiff.”

“Forced?” She questions him.

“Well not forced as in a bad way. I rather loved it. It was the hardest part when Karen and Arthur left, us not all living together. And you were hardly around after that too. It felt like I had lost my family.” He fiddles with his tea cup probably remembering that time period.

She reaches across the table putting her hand over his. “Our little Pond family.” She says rather wistfully.

Taking her hand in his he looks up, “Yeah.”

“You know I suppose that is why this doesn’t seem strange at all, you being here. It’s like we always lived like this. We just went back to separate bedrooms for the night.”

“Except that time we didn’t!”

She looks confused. “What??”

“Oh come on Kingston, don’t act like you don’t remember the time we woke up in the same bed together!” 

She sits trying to remember when it hits her. “Oh do you mean when we woke up in Karen’s bed after one of her ‘game nights’?”

“Oh so you do remember?” He clucks at her.

“Yes, I do. I also remember that Arthur was passed out on the floor at the foot of the bed and that we were completely clothed.”

He turns his head as if ignoring her. “Well I choose to remember it differently, thank you very much.”

“Oh really, and how do you remember it?”

His face turns red all the way to his ears. “Well….um…in my version there is definitely no Darvill and we are wearing significantly less clothes. 

Covering her mouth with her hand she is trying not to laugh at him but is failing miserably. “Oh darling, I’m sorry.” He looks over to her sticking his tongue out in defiance.

Trying to change the subject, “So what should we do today, darling?”

Looking a bit sheepish, “Well if you wouldn’t mind, could I use your laundry? I seem to have run out of clean clothes.”

“Oh course sweetie. You don’t even have to ask. But can I ask why you only brought such a small bag to begin with?”

His face has gone red again. “Well….um..wasn’t sure if I was stayin.” He mumbled.

Her face scrunched up at him, “What do you mean?”

“Well, I had no idea how you would react when I showed up. You could have sent me packin as soon as I got here.”

Now it was her turn. She came around the table and surprised him by sitting in his lap. “Now Mr. Smith that was never going to happen.” Poking his chest for emphasis. She then captures his lips in hers letting him know how very glad she is that he is here with her.

Leaning back she kisses his nose. “So why don’t you gather your things and I will throw them in the wash while you get your shower.”

“You don’t have to. I can wash them myself.”

“Nonsense I have some wash to do anyways. It’s no big deal.

After he is in the shower she sneaks in the washroom to gather the last of his dirty laundry. She tries to be quick but who could resist sneaking a peak at him in the shower. He had his back towards her and she watch as the water made its way down his amazing body. She couldn’t help imagining her hands in place of those water drops. Closing the door to the washroom she rested against it struggling to get her breathing under control.

“Alex! What did you do with my clothes?” He yelled from the bedroom. When he finished his shower the clothes he had taken off weren’t there anymore. Walking into the bedroom with a towel slung around his waist and his hair dripping into his eyes he is trying to find something to wear.

“What is that dar….?” She said as she entered the room stopping short at the sight of him before her.

“I can’t find my clothes. Did you take the ones from the washroom too?”

“Yes…yes, I did.”

“Um…..” He is looking at her to confirm she had been in there while he was naked in the shower. A redness seems to be showing in her cheeks. Sauntering over to her he wraps his arms around her waist. “Well you could’ve joined me. I wouldn’t have minded.” He says while playfully pecking her lips.

Her fingers moving the water droplets around on his chest she purrs, “Maybe next time darling.”

“Now don’t say something you don’t mean Kingston. It’s not fair to get a man’s hopes up.” She can hear the pouting in his voice.

“Who says I didn’t mean it?” Her sultry tone caused his throat to go dry. She heads over to her wardrobe looking through the piles at the bottom of it. “I think I have something here you can wear.” She looks back at him. “I think there are still some clean pants in your bag. He manages to find them and put them on before she turns around with her prize. “Here you go. This should fit.” She hands him a tshirt.

Opening it up he can’t help but notice it has his favorite band on the front. “Hey this is a Radiohead tshirt.” Looking closer he exclaims, “Wait a minute, this is MY Radiohead tshirt! How did you end up with it?” He looks in her direction as he puts it over his head.

“It was one of those times we were at your flat and you had spilled a drink on me. You didn’t want me to go back to my place so you gave me this shirt to change into. I suppose I never gave it back.”

He is standing there in his pants and a tshirt. “So how long before I can have trousers? Or did you nic a pair of those too?”

“No sorry darling, no trousers, only shirts. They should be done drying in less than an hour. For now you could sling a dry towel back around you. It would give you a rather fetching Egyptian look.”

About an hour later she handed him his denims to change into. She had to admit she rather liked the Egyptian look on him, next time she’ll have him ditch the shirt. “So I was thinking maybe we should do a little shopping today.”

“Wait! Whoa, what? Alex Kingston wants to go shopping!” He says dramatically.

“Oh!” She swats his shoulder. “Yes, I thought we could go shopping so you might have a bit more to wear. Maybe a dress shirt and pants in case we go somewhere less casual.”

“Why are we going somewhere less casual?” He cocks his head in her direction.

“Well next week I have a guest spot on NCIS. I thought you might like to come.” She is biting her bottom lip indicating that she is worried that this might be too much.

His face lights up, “Really Kingston! I would love to. You don’t think they’ll mind?”

“No, not at all. Mark Harmon is a friend of mine so he’s definitely no problem and several of the cast are Who fans. They will probably pass out if River walks in with the Doctor on her arm.”

He playfully bops her on her nose. “Oh you bad, bad girl!” Alright but can we get something to eat while we are out? I’d like to try some of this American cuisine I always hear about.

“Of course dear, why did I know we would have to feed your stomach first!” She heads to the washroom to get ready to leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had managed to get to Pink’s at just the right time. There was only a short line out the door. “So Pink’s, isn’t that the place Ferguson has in his intro?”

“Huh? Oh Craig Ferguson, yeah I think he does.” She says absentmindedly.

“What?”

“Well, I go on his show, I don’t actually watch it.” She admits.

“Really? I think he’s brilliant. One of the few American shows I like.”

“Probably cause he’s not American, darling!” She cheekily points out.

“Possibly.” He admits as he looks over her head to see how much longer before they can order.

“So what should we order? It looks like we should be ready when we get up there.” He looks down at her.

“Yes, absolutely.” She leaves the line for a second coming back with a laminated menu in her hand. “So you have to try the chili dog, that’s a must. Here look this over to see what else you want. There’s no going back for seconds.” She indicates the long line they are in. “So it’s better to load up even if you don’t finish it all.”

He nods as he looks over his choices. “Well since I’m British, I think I must have the Royal dog.” She nods in agreement. “So what are you getting?”

She chews on her bottom lip as she looks over the menu. He rolls his eyes knowing that her with a menu of this many choices that their position in line might not be enough time. “I thought you had been here before Kingston? Don’t you already have your favorites?”

“Well yeah, like I said definitely getting the chili cheese dog but I can’t decide between the Mulholland Drive dog and the Planet Hollywood dog.”

He looks at her rather incredulously, “Your actually going to eat both!?!”

“Of course.” She looks over at him to see his eyes bug out. “What? It’s not like I come here every week. The last time I was here was in January when Nicola was over. I can live a little too.” She elbows him.

“Ok, but were next up so make a decision.” It’s now their turn and Matt gives his order to the girl behind the register then turns to Alex.

“Let me have the chili cheese dog and the Planet Hollywood dog.” Turning to Matt, “Did you order chips?” He shakes his head. “and an order of chili cheese fries and an order of onion rings, two Dr. Brown’s root beers and two bottle waters.” 

When they have paid and Matt is carrying the tray to an empty table he sits just shaking his head. Alex is busy setting up there food and putting the tray on the nearby tray stand. When she notices his shaking head she is concerned. “What darling, are you not feeling well?”

When he looks up he is smiling a ridiculous smile. “No, I feel great. I just can’t believe that tiny little you is going to eat all of this.” His hand waves across the impressive display of food.

She plops into the chair across from him. “Well I was expecting a rather strapping young man with an impressive appetite to help me.” She said before picking up her chili cheese dog and taking a large bite. The look on her face was positively sinful. He couldn’t wait to taste his own. There was very little talking after that as they managed to polish off the hot dogs, fries, and onion rings. When the root beers were empty they switched to bottle water.

“My god Alex, that was incredible.” He pushed back from the table for the first time since they had sat down. Looking around he noticed the slew of celebrity pictures on the wall. “So Kingston, you up on this wall somewhere?”

She looks around somewhat smirking. “I don’t think I am quite that much of a celebrity. I think George is up there somewhere though.”

He leans over the table looking at her eye to eye, “Would you like to be?” She raises an eyebrow at him. “Cause I think having a picture of the Doctor and River Song on the wall would be pretty cool, don’t you?” When he gets that gleam in his eye he is impossible to refuse.

Playing along, “And how do you propose we do that? Just walk over to the register and demand they take our picture?”

“Oh Kingston you have to be more subtle than that. You have to get them to come out and ask us to take our picture.” Her eyes go wide as if to ask how he plans to pull that off.

At that exact same moment he begins to build a tower using the napkin dispenser, salt and pepper shakers, ending with placing the sugar caddy on top, the desert menu flag standing proudly at the highest point. Instantly the entire tower came crashing down causing everyone to stop and stare at them. To her incredible surprise he transformed into the Doctor in front of her, “Sorry River, I will clean it up.” He bumbles about picking up rolling salt shakers, and flying sugar packets. Alex wants to hide under the table.

Right away however a crowd forms around them with folks asking if they are the Doctor and River Song, or Matt Smith and Alex Kingston. The question seemed to depend on the age of the person asking. They are busy signing autographs when a small petite woman, who is instantly recognizable since she is in every photograph on the wall, sidles up beside them. “So the Doctor and his wife have come to Pink’s. Would it be possible to get a photo before you leave?”

Alex nods yes before looking over to Matt giving him her ‘I can’t believe you just pulled that off look’. Thirty minutes later they finally leave Pink’s certain that their photo will be gracing the establishment before the day is over. They are holding onto each other and laughing as they walk down the street heading back to where Alex had parked the car. 

“I can’t believe we just did that!” She says as they close the doors of the car. They both are sporting wide grins and their sides hurt from laughing.

“That was fun, wasn’t it? Perhaps the adventures of River Song and her Doctor aren’t over just yet.” She beamed back at him in agreement.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They pull up to an old building miles from where they just had lunch and caused a scene. Alex is looking a little nervous as she shuts off the car. “Alex, what’s the matter?”

“Well, it just occurred to me that Pink’s isn’t the only one who took our picture today. There’s probably a picture of us circling the Internet already.” She looks at him concerned.

“Does that bother you Alex?” She looked at him for a moment and then smiled.

“Not in the least!” His wide grin let her know it didn’t bother him as well. “Of course you better hope Salome doesn’t see it before she comes home on Sunday.” She says before getting out of the car.

He catches her arm as she comes around the car. “Do you think she will have a problem with us being together?”

“Actually no I don’t but I didn’t tell her you are here. She’s going to kill me if she finds out from the Internet.”

He laughs a nervous laugh. “Why Alex?”

She stops to look at him, “Why what?” Looking at him rather clueless.

“Why didn’t you tell her I was here?”

“Well, it has all been a bit of a tornado hasn’t it? I was trying to get us adjusted to it all before I had to deal with her questions. Besides I’ve owed her a good surprise for awhile.”

“So I’m a good surprise?” He asks his eyes expectant.

“Absolutely darling!” She surprises him by rising up to give him a quick kiss in the middle of the sidewalk. As she walks to the door of the store she says over her shoulder, “Of course I am leaving it to you to explain to her why we went to Pink’s without her!”

“Wait! What? That was your idea!” He says rather loudly as they enter the store. His voice echoed piercingly in the quiet. It is at that point that he looks around to see where they are. He is in what looks like a large basement with racks and racks of clothes, tables of shoes, purses, and accessories. This was not like any store he had ever been in. Looking to her, he asks “Alex where are we?”

“The Hollywood Second Hand Shop, it is one of my favorite places to shop when I am in town.” It’s apparent she has been here before as she immediately heads to a rack of dresses and shirts looking through them expectantly. He follows sheepishly behind her. “Uh darling, the men’s section is over there.” She points to the opposite side of the room.

“Alex these are used clothes.” He tries to speak quietly so no one else hears him.

“Yes dear, I am quite aware.” She remarks absently while continuing to look at item after item occasionally stopping for longer than a second to consider one.

“I thought we would be going to a regular store.” He tries again to get her to understand that this is not what he had in mind when he they decided to go shopping.

Looking a little exasperated at him, “Honestly Matthew, were you expecting me to take you to Rodeo Drive?”

“No, no not Rodeo but surely there are stores in between…” He looks around his nose a little wrinkled up. “here and Rodeo Drive?”

She seems rather amused by him. “Well if you really don’t find anything you like; I can take you to some other stores.” That seemed to ease his mind. “But at least go look, you might be surprised what you find. It’s kind of like a treasure hunt. Just be sure to stay in your size range because there is most likely only one of that item.”

He nodded and reluctantly went to the men’s section. At the very least Alex was going to be awhile, he might as well look in the men’s section instead of hanging around the women’s waiting for her. 

It had only been his second stack of shirts he looked in when he spotted it. It was an authentic Radiohead crew member tshirt. It was the kind only made for the band or the crew. He could not contain his excitement. “Hey Kingston.” He shouted across the store. She gave him a pointed look indicating he should keep his voice down. Carrying the shirt delicately in his hands he rushed over to her. “Kingston, look what I found!” He said excitedly in a voice only she could hear.

She smiled as he presented his find to her. “I knew you’d find something you’d like here. The place is full of unique treasures if you are willing to look.”

“But Kingston you don’t understand. This is rare. Only a member of the band or crew could have gotten one.” He says almost reverently.

Smiling she looks at him, “That is the beauty of shopping in Hollywood!”

When they finally met at the cash register an hour later his stack was twice as big as hers. She smirked as he went on and on about the ‘finds’ that he had made. ‘Ah, another convert.’ She thought to herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night they are lying on the sofa after a light dinner watching something on the telly. “That was the best day!” Matt exclaimed.

She looked up at him incredulously. “All we did was eat lunch and go shopping.”

Looking down at her his eyes fixated on her face, “Yeah but I did it with you.” he says softly.

She can’t help but smile back at him nor can she stop herself from kissing him silly. ‘God she loves this man.’ Pressed against him she feels how her curves fit into his body like a jigsaw puzzle. She smiles as his hands start to roam as the intensity of their kissing increases. For a moment she stops to look at him before kissing his cheek and allowing her lips to trail down his neck where she begins to leave a few marks on him, her marks.

It feels so good having her so close to him. He can feel her curves and marvels at what they do to him, how they make him feel. Without thinking his hands begin to explore her body, light touches then more intense. When she stops to look at him for a moment he freezes. She was smiling but there was such sadness in her eyes. He was brought back to his thoughts from yesterday morning….’he can’t do this to her’.

She had noticed that he had stopped, leaning back with a questioning look on her face. “Everything alright, darling?”

He lied. “I think I’m a little more tired than I thought. I think I should go to bed. You can stay up if you like; I’m pretty knackered.” He squirmed his way out from under her, gave her a quick peck on the cheek (?), and headed up the stairs.

Alex sat there dazed and confused. “What the hell just happened?!?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	12. Painting the David…um Matt

The next morning he wakes to the sensation of Alex’s hands roaming over his body. He smiles reveling in the feel of her………until he remembers last night and why this must stop. Turning towards her he gently says her name, “Alex?”

She does not respond to his call but her hands continue moving. She lightly grazes him with her fingernails up and down his torso. Her hands slide behind him pulling him closer, the left sneaking past the waistband on his pants cupping his bum in her hand.

“Alex?” He calls her again. She seems to not hear him like she’s still sleeping. ‘Is she having a dream?’ When her hand reaches around the front of his pants he panics. “Alex, wake up!” He says a bit too loudly while shaking her a bit.

“Wh-what?” She’s quite annoyed for her dream to be disrupted. “Why did you wake me? I was having a lovely dream.”

“Yes, I could tell.” He looks down at her hand in his pants. She follows where his gaze takes him and smiles.

“Well, I guess I got started a little early didn’t I?” She purred, not removing her hand but continuing to stroke him, and coming closer to kiss him.

“Alex, you need to stop. We need to stop THIS!” She felt like he had slapped her quickly removing her hand from his pants. He then moved to the other side of the bed leaving a large expanse of bed between them.

Immediately tears welled in her eyes. It was like he had been punched in the gut. The last thing, the absolute last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Alex and make her cry. Closing his eyes his voice small and quiet he says, “Alex I’m not being fair to you. I don’t think I should have come here.”

Her eyes go wide then she looks away from him. “Oh I see.” Trying hard not to look at him or let him see how much his words are affecting her. She puts the old defenses in place, something she didn’t think she was going to need with Matt, especially now.

Seeing her reaction he realizes she is blaming herself, that he is rejecting her. “No, no Alex I don’t think you do. Please look at me.” 

She turns to look at him with immensely sad eyes. She is trying to understand what is going on. He came to her. ‘Why do that just to leave again?’

“Alex, love.” He places his hand on the bed halfway between them, his palm upturned. She looks at it but isn’t sure she can right now. Her heart is breaking with the mixed messages he keeps sending it. “When I finally came out of my fog after the doctor told me what was going to happen….you were all I could think of. I couldn’t get to you fast enough.” She tentatively reaches out sliding her hand on top of his, he squeezes it gently.

“Now that I am here I realize that that was probably the most selfish thing I have ever done. I’m not being fair to you Alex. It’s not fair for me to ask you to love me when I know you are going to have to say good-bye down the road.” He brings his other hand over top of hers rubbing small circles across her skin. Small droplets begin to fall down his cheeks. “I’m sorry Alex, I am so sorry. I was only thinking of myself.” He drops his eyes so he can’t see the sadness in hers.

Cautiously she inches closer to him, “Oh you silly man you didn’t have to ask me to love you…I was already there.” Her free hand caresses his cheek wiping away the tears.

“But it would be easier if I left now before …….we…get….closer. Easier to say good-bye.” He said between the heavy breaths as he tried futility to get his emotions under control.

She moves closer invading his personal space resting her palm on his cheek while keeping the other tangled within his. “Is this what this is really about? You think it will be easier for me to get over you if we don’t become lovers?” Tears streaming down his face, his lower lip quivering, he is unable to speak so he only nods. 

She gathers him into her arms pulling him as close as she can. She feels him grab onto her as well his face buried into her shoulder continuing to cry. Cooing softly in his ear she finds herself rocking him trying to provide him some comfort in this moment. “Oh you sweet, ridiculous, impossible man! There isn’t anything you can do to make this easier for me and NONE of this is your fault!!” 

She scoots back so she can see in his eyes. Cupping both sides of his face with her hands she attempts to wipe away the tears with her thumb; they are immediately replaced. “I love you. I am in love with you. I tried denying it for way too long now. When you showed up on my doorstep and kissed me I knew I didn’t want to deny myself, us, any longer. I know our time is limited but that makes it that much more precious. I want memories of you Matt, of us. I want to remember what your hands feel like on my body, how your tongue causes my knees to go weak, I want to be the reason you let go and for me to witness it again and again. Don’t take that away please. Don’t leave me with only regrets of what we could have had…..had we been brave. Be brave for me Matt?”

He attempts a smile then a watery kiss but the tears aren’t subsiding yet. She holds him tight letting his emotions reach their end. They hold tight as his cries slowly dissolve into quiet breaths of sleep. Relieved he finally found peace in rest she listened closely to his breathing matching her own to it as she drifted asleep as well.

They were woken by her phone at half nine reminding them both once again that their time together has an expiration date and that they shouldn’t waste any of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After taking his medication she lets him know she is heading down to do yoga if he wants to join her. He responds that he will be down in a few. Lying there against the pillows he replays their words of this morning. These were heavy emotions and they both bared their truths. He hadn’t lied to her; she knew what was going to happen and she wanted it anyways. ‘Alex said that she loves me, that she is in love with me.’ He couldn’t contain the joy that hearing those words from her brought him. He felt loved. He felt loved by her. Not wanting to miss a moment of being with her he jumped from the bed and after a quick trip to the loo bounded down the stairs.

He joined her in her yoga routine, failing miserably at some poses but actually getting the hang of a few more. It didn’t matter. Her laughter when he messed up brought him as much peace as actually doing them properly. He never picture himself as someone who would do yoga but here in California with Alex, it felt right.

At breakfast they chat away about nothing. It doesn’t matter the important words have already been said. Again she brings up the idea of her painting him. He agrees. He would agree to do anything this woman asked if it made her smile, cause that is all he ever wants to see her do is smile.

After the breakfast dishes are taken care of he leans against the counter obviously in thought. “So how does this painting thing work? Do I have to stay perfectly still for long periods of time? I don’t really see that happening!” They both laughed at that. 

‘No, Matt keeping still was never a possibility.’ In the eight years she had known him she had only seen rare instances that he could keep from moving, and that usually involved lots of alcohol. “It won’t be that difficult. I’ll need to have you try various poses, possible sketch some before I decide what looks best. When we know what that is I will take some still photographs like they do on set for continuity. I’ll still want you to pose but that way I can also work when you’re not up for it.”

He nods in understanding. “When did you want to start?”

“Do you feel up for it now?” Alex had a sparkle of excitement in her eyes. The only other time he remembers seeing that is when it involved Salome. Painting was also like her baby…. precious.

“Absolutely! What do you want me to do?” He finds himself getting excited as well.

“Well, I’ve been thinking I want this to be casual…..the real you. So why don’t you go shower and put a little get into your hair, put on your favorite pair of jeans, then meet me in the studio.”

“Sounds good! What about a shirt?”

“You’re choice doesn’t matter.” She reaches around him pulling him to her to give him a loving kiss. Starting to walk towards the French doors she turns quickly and swats his behind. “Now hurry up, I want to get started!” He quickly heads upstairs as she heads out to the ‘hobby house’.

A half hour later when he walks in he sees that she has lowered the futon to its bed position. Thrown rather haphazardly across it she’s placed a crème colored sheet. Hearing him behind her she turns to see him wearing his Radiohead vintage ‘find’ from the other day, his well loved jeans with lots of creases but no holes, and barefeet. Looking down at his feet, “Um you didn’t say anything about footwear so I wasn’t sure.”

She bites her bottom lip. ‘God Alex, get it together he’s only in his barefeet!’ For some reason the sight of him barefoot in her studio caused untold stirrings inside her. “Um, no darling, I think it rather works well for the look I have in mind.”

“So where do you want me?” He was shifting from one foot to the other. ‘Oh him and his nervous energy….this may prove to be impossible.’ She smiled.

“I’m thinking of having you lay on the futon. We’ll play around with the pose till we get one that works AND that you can hold for at least 30 seconds!” She chided him. He wanted to object but he didn’t have a leg to stand on in that argument.

After about ten minutes of moving him this way and that she got that look in her eye. Later Matt would call it her ‘artist’s eye’ but for now he was just cataloging it with all of the other looks that are just Alex to him. While she was sketching he noticed that she had set up an easel with a new canvas. Next to it was several handled containers with every color paint imaginable. A large vase held long brushes, some quite thin, some in the shape of a fan. Looking around he saw there were other jars, containers containing a wide assortment of brushes. A small smile crept across his face.

“Hey your not suppose to be smiling right now!”

“Sorry Kingston, it’s hard to be this close to you and not smile.” He let his smile grow bigger as if to make his point.

Trying not to smile back and failing miserably she says, “Well how about we take a break and get some tea?” She puts down her sketch pad and pencil helping him up from the futon. Their hands twined together as she leads them back to the house, stopping under the bougainvillea trellis to kiss him. 

Having made tea they sit at the kitchen table looking out into the garden. Once she has begun studying a subject it is difficult to stop so she stares at his features as he takes in the variety of colors and shapes in the backyard. Startled from her thoughts he jokes, “So Alex why don’t you have a pool? I thought it was like a law or something that everyone in California had to have a pool?”

She giggled. Oh he loves that giggle. “It almost is,” she starts, “it took forever to find this place. I wanted a garden, a place I can put my hands in the dirt. I had already had the whole pool thing when I was married. Salome didn’t mind, too much, since her dad still has a pool. I don’t know I just need to have flowers around me.” 

He registered her reasons in his head and nodded. “That sounds so like you.” He turned back to take in the garden once more. For him, it was an extension of her.

Sitting there she got an idea. “You know Matt you’re right, I have been going about this all the wrong way.” Her demeanor changed almost becoming frantic.

“What?” He couldn’t be more confused about what subject she was even talking about.

“Well you said the garden sounds so like me. That is why it wasn’t working this morning because that wasn’t you on that futon.”

Now he is even more confused, “Ok, if it wasn’t me, then who was it?”

“Some version of a fake model pose. I want to paint YOU. So I need to you to do what you like to be doing.”

“and how do we go about getting this ME oh wise one?” She leans forward to swat him but he ducks away just in time.

“Alright, go get your glasses and your iPod. Stop down in my office and pick out one of the scripts from the top of the desk that interests you. I’ll meet you back in the studio. Oh and bring your tea.” He has no clue why she wants him to bring those things but there is no time to ask as she is already out the French doors.

Carefully balancing all these things he makes it back to the ‘hobby house’ in fairly short order. She has placed a small wooden stool next to the futon that she directs him to put his tea cup on. “Ok, so lay back down but this time do what you do when you are reading a script, maybe for the first time.” He smiles because she is finally starting to make sense.

He settles himself in, music buds in his ear, glasses perched on his nose, as he opens the script to read. Moving him here and there she seems fairly happy with this version of Matt and begins to sketch like mad. As he starts to get into the script he pulls out the earbuds carelessly tossing them beside him. A few minutes later she says, “You know I think I would like you better without the shirt.” He looks up at her to see her nibbling on the end of the pencil trying to hide a smirk behind it.

Carefully he removes the shirt, folding it, and placing it on the arm of the futon. She has to laugh at him. “Oh my god, I don’t think I have ever seen you take off a piece of clothing with more reverence before!”

“Kingston, it’s a classic! And rare!” He extols the virtues of his second hand shop find like it was a priceless artifact from an archeology dig. Settling back in he looks so much like Matt, her Matt. The one she fell in love with during a read through so very long ago. This feels right and she thinks this is the one. 

Walking over to her workbench she picks up the digital camera sitting there. As unobtrusively as possible she photographs him as he becomes absorbed in the script. “Unbutton your top button.” She commands. Without missing a beat his hand goes to his waistband unbuttoning the top button on his jeans his eyes never wavering from the page. Inside her she can feel a swirling build within her.

Adjusting the camera for continuous shots she calls out to him, “Matt….. I love you.” Holding the button down she gets shot after shot of him smiling, raising his head to meet her eyes, and him responding, “I love you too…..so much.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	13. ‘You Really Got Me’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to several of you who have been so encouraging and honest with your comments. From the bottom of my heart - thank you.
> 
> This is for you: lovelywordshenanigans, itwouldhurttoomuch, Lady_Cleo, the-eh-team, Lee, and Jen

All of a sudden photography seems unimportant and she carelessly places the camera amongst her paint tubes her eyes never leaving his. Walking to the edge of the futon she raises her leg over his. He had turned on his back as she approached. There was something in the look she gave him. Straddling him now she reaches up removing his glasses, placing them on the stool next to his tea cup. Her hands slowly slide up his chest until they are on both sides of his head holding her inches from him. “Matthew Smith, I would very much like to make love to you at this very minute to show you how much I love you. How do you feel about that?” 

He grabs her around the waist rolling her on the bed so it was he above her. Their bodies are tightly pressed together as he grins at her, “I think we have waited long enough! God, I love you.” He then leaned down to kiss her deeply with his whole being, body and soul.

He can’t contain his kisses as they roam over any of her exposed flesh but he needs more. Pulling her into a sitting position he reaches down unknotting the braided belt at her waist. Tossing it to the floor, he turns his attention to the hem of the gauzy shirt she is wearing. He slowly raises it over her head and throws it next to the belt. Pulling her close he first sucks on her bottom lip, then leaves a trail of kisses down her neck and across her shoulders.

She can feel his bare skin pressing into her, only the fabric of her bra separating them. His kisses against her skin set her on fire. She has never felt more alive. He slowly works his way to the swell of her breasts emerging from the edges of her intimate garment. When the warmth of his mouth through the fabric gets to be too much she reaches behind her to unclasp her bra. His hands stop her. When she looks in his eyes he merely shakes his head and with a smile leisurely drags one strap down her arm then the other. Pulling her closer to him their mouths descend on each other while he unhooks her bra. Sliding it out between them he adds it to the others on the floor. The feel of her skin rubbing against his makes him almost dizzy with anticipation..

He follows her as she lays back down onto the futon their mouths never leaving one another. It’s only then that he begins to explore the rest of her. His hands seem to be everywhere at once quickly followed by his lips. The taste of her is exquisite. He can’t get enough of it. His fingers brush against the side of her breast and she gasps. The sound of her reacting to him goes deep within him. He wants to hear all the sounds she makes as he plays her body like a violin.

The feel of his breathe across her chest causes her nipples to harden. He slowly traces the edge of her areola with his tongue before sucking directly on her nipple. The tiny squeak she emits goes straight to his groin. He wants this first time to last but every sound she makes makes him harder still. He sucks and nips then soothes with his tongue on the right before lavishing equal attention to her left. When he begins to kiss down across her abdomen she commands, “Jeans off, now!”

He immediately hops off the bed removing his denims swiftly adding them to the heap of clothing on the floor. Standing there in only his pants it is obvious that his erection is strained against them. The sight of him standing before her is breathtaking. He too gazes upon her before coming back to bed. “Simply gorgeous!” He enthuses as he makes his way back to the very spot he left off at. His mouth licks and kisses as he moves down her body. His hands cannot remain idle and have been tracing designs down and then inside of her thighs.

The fire within her is nearly unbearable, she writhes at his touch, wanting more but wanting this to last forever. She nearly comes undone when he presses his wet mouth into her knickers. The feel of him with only a thin piece of material between is both heaven and torture. Apparently he feels the same as his hands slide under her bum slowly pulling the fabric back down. He hovers inches above her watching as she is slowly revealed to him. The full scent of her arousal sends his senses into overload. Dragging her panties down her legs he watches her face. He cannot believe, even in this moment, that she wants to be with him. He doesn’t ever want to forget how she looks this first time.

After sliding her knickers past her ankles he tosses them. Raising her leg he presses a kiss on the inside of her ankle. He continues to worship her soft tanned skin from her ankle to her inner thigh. The anticipation of him placing his lips where she most desires them has her writhing against the sheet. But he moves his lips to the other leg kissing her thigh and working his way down to her ankle. “Matt, please!” She begs with a strangled voice.

Lifting his eyes he smiles at her. How can he deny her? His lips descend upon her tasting her juices against his tongue. He explores her folds with his tongue pushing deep within her in between suckling on her clit. She feels her walls begin to clench and grabs his hair pushing him deeper inside her. With one hand cupping her arse, he pushes inside her with two fingers at first slowly stroking her. As her movements become more frantic his pace increases, his tongue laving against her folds before sucking hard on her clit. “Oh God Matt………yes!” She comes hard against him, her entire body trembling. He continues his strokes slowing his movements to hers.

Tugging on his hair she pulls him to her so that she can take his mouth in hers. Her orgasm didn’t fulfill her need for him; it only seemed to ignite it further. In only a few moments she has turned him on his back quickly removing his pants. The sight of him fully before her causes her breath to catch. She wants to taste him with her mouth but she knows neither of them can wait any longer. Sliding up his body she feels his hardness slide through her slickness. 

Reaching between her legs she gently strokes him feeling him quiver beneath her. Wrapping her fingers around his base she positions herself over him. Slowly lowering herself she feels the fullness of him inside of her. As she adjusts to him, she began to rock against him causing him to moan slightly.

The sight of Alex over him ignites his heart. The feel of her surrounding his cock with her warmth and wetness ignites his passion. He pushes himself up pulling her to him. His mouth descends on her right breast sucking on it hard before moving to her left. The feel of her rising and falling over him is almost too much too soon. 

Kissing her lips hard he pushes her back onto the futon slowing her movements. Any attempt to slow things down were futile however as his own need to move within her overtook him. His movements became more frantic pounding within her walls with a passion he had never experienced before. He felt his release building and tried to hold on. 

His forehead fell to her shoulder as his pace quickens. Turning his head he says with a strained whisper, “Let go love – I’ve got you.” His fingers find their way between their bodies to that bundle of nerves pushing down hard. With two quick flicks he feels her quivering around him as he feels her ragged breath against his shoulder as his name falls from her again and again. Within moments he has joined her losing himself in the feel of her all around him as his body quavers. 

His arms tighten around her wanting to never let her go, to be as close to her as possible, to climb inside her if he could. She has the same need not ever wanting to let him go, to never lose this feeling of this moment. Without uttering a word between them slowly their actions move from a desperate need to loving comfort.

It’s in those moments that they talk about how quiet they had been, so few words had passed between them. Rather sheepishly he admits, “I was afraid to break the spell……that if I spoke the dream would be over.” His hand lazily stroked over her skin making nonsense patterns. 

“You know it’s not a dream right?” She asked her voice quiet, her fingertips stroking his chest.

“I do. It still seems a bit unreal I suppose.” His finger following the curve of her arm down to her fingertips.

“Why?” Her hand strokes his neck and back down to his chest.

“Because why would someone as fabulous as you want to be with a clumsy idiot like me?” He had deviated from her arm across her abdomen and was working his fingers down the curves of her thigh.

She reaches up laying her hand against his cheek. “Matt how can you not know how wonderful you are, especially to me?” He purses his lips and lowers his eyes but doesn’t say anything. She closes the distance between them causing his hands to move to her back lazily stroking her up and down. 

“Matt you have always been wonderful to me even when we barely knew each other. You brought me tea, shared your hot water bottles with me, not to mention the times you shared your coat – sometimes with you still in it!” Her fingertips stroke around his eyes, the artist in her taking in the flecks of green swimming amongst the hazel. “I always felt your love even when it was just caring. You took my hand when we were on rocky shores or muddy gardens. You watched over me…….I felt it, although I never said.” 

Her finger gently follows the slope of his nose as she continues. “As we got closer as friends, you were always there for me, when I had a bad day, or I was missing Salome, or remember that time when my car broke down and you were so afraid I might freeze to death you insisted to Steven that you had to go pick me up yourself?” He nodded catching her finger as it passed over his lips sucking gently on it.

“And Matt I knew I loved you. I knew for so long. For so long I kept trying to deny the feelings, and then I couldn’t anymore. I would look for you around every corner. As soon as I got to the studio I wanted to see you first. Every Who party I ever went to was so I could see you there. Even if we barely had a chance to speak, just knowing you were there made me happy.” She traced his lips with her fingertips feeling the softness of them as he tried to catch them once again in his lips.

“Then you crazy, ridiculous man show up on my doorstep and reminded me of all the reasons I loved you and made me question why was I not spending every minute of every day with you doing just that…..loving you.” Her lips hover over his as she speaks. “And that’s what I want to do….. love you.” Her lips press softly into his. “Love you with all that I am.” She kisses him at the corners of his mouth. “…and feel you loving me.”

As her lips come back to center he turns her into the bed kissing her deeply, passionately letting her feel the love he has for her. She kisses him back as desperately wanting him to feel her love for him. This coupling is slower, more intense. It is not about sating their bodies this time but their hearts. It is not quiet. Throughout there are whispers and later shouts of “I love you” intermingled with passionate emissions.

As she lay there listening to the beat of his heart, she smiled thinking that their first time together was in such a special place for her. She will forever be able to think of him when she is here. Of course that took her down the pathway of remembering why she would need the memory. When she felt the sadness start to overtake her she banished it to a corner in her mind. ‘He is here now – I want to be happy now.’ The part ‘while I can’ she tried to pretend wasn’t there. Here in his arms is all she wanted to think about.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When she awoke the sun was considerably lower in the sky. She could feel his breath against her shoulder. Turning in his direction he is looking at her, his face expressing love and joy. She immediately pulls him towards her to kiss him. She could kiss him always. “Hi there!” her smile radiates from her face to his.

“Hi there, yourself!” He nuzzles at her nose continuing to place soft kisses against her lips.

“How are you feeling?” She asks hesitantly.

“I feel bloody fantastic! How about you?” He can’t seem to stop from smiling.

“I keep wondering why we waited all these years! We really are idiots aren’t we?” They both laughed.

“Yeah, I think we are love.” He kisses her again leading to another round of lovemaking. By this time their stomachs are growling at them.

Hearing his rumble, she says “I suppose we should go make some supper. I think we missed lunch.”

He looks through the windows to see the sun nearing the horizon, “Do you think?”

Rising from the bed she puts on her knickers and pulls the white gauzy shirt over her head. She grabs his hand as he buttons the top button on his jeans, “Let’s go see what we can make in the kitchen darling.” Rising on her toes she kisses him quickly before pulling him outside towards the house. 

They settle on omelets. He chops the ingredients while she prepares the tea. Each time she looks his way she catches him stealing a glance at her as well. They are both smiling like idiots. They can’t seem to contain the joy that they are feeling leaning against the counter feeding each other bites of omelet.

Finished with his omelet he places the plate in the sink then picks up his tea cup. Lifting himself onto the counter he sips his tea while he watches Alex finish her supper. He thinks how she looks so sexy. Anyone else would just be eating an omelet but when Alex Kingston does it it oozes sex appeal.

She places her plate next to his in the sink sliding over to where he sits on the counter, her own tea cup in hand. With their free hands they interlace their fingers watching their hands dance with one another. Looking up she leans into him, he leans down as their lips press slowly together.

At first it is little pecks between sips of tea but then the pecks turn into chaste kisses lasting longer than a moment. It doesn’t take long before the tea is long forgotten replaced with only the taste of each other. Her position between his legs makes it impossible not to drag her hands across the front of his jeans. The low moan he emits urges her to continue.

Even stroking through the thick denim fabric she can feel him quickly become hard to her touch. She wants to feel him, taste him. Distracting him with a deep kiss, she unbuttons his jeans then slowly brings the zipper down. 

He can’t help but notice the cool air against his member causing a shiver. “What you doing?” He asks playfully as his lips move to her neck.

“Having my way with you.” She retorts into his ear, “Any objections?”

He can’t help but smirk, “No…..can’t think of one!” Their mouths continue to explore and nibble at each other as her fingers do as well. She drags her nails down the length of his shaft with only the thin fabric of his pants between. His hiss in response ignites her to continue the movements between soft strokes of her fingertips.

It seems like an eternity that she strokes him before he feels her hand slide into the opening of his boxers. Her soft tiny hands mold around his shaft getting to know it by feel alone. His eyes scrunch shut as her hand cups his testicles; his body emitting a moan that he has never heard before. Her thumb glides across his opening feeling the beginning of his release. 

He watches as she descends to his cock laving its length with long licks. At the moment her lips envelope him he thinks he could not possibly feel any better than this. That is until her tongue begins to swirl around him causing his breath to become ragged. He wants to pump inside her but wills himself to keep still. As her tongue circles around its head he begins to feel the beginnings of his release. Lean down he utters breathlessly, “Want you.”

She releases him looking up at his dark eyes. “Now.” He croaks out. She pulls him by the hand pulling him off the counter and across the kitchen before he has a chance to get his bearings. He nearly trips on his half falling jeans. When they reach the stairs his ability to fake agility fails and he tumbles against the stairs, his jeans dangling below his knees, and his cock stiff outside of his pants.

Looking at him spread in front of her braced against the stairs, she doesn’t want to wait any longer. Standing in front of him she shimmies out of her knickers and saunters over to him. With his back braced against the stairs she straddles him running her slick sex against his very firm self. His hand slides under her practically see-through shirt to palm her breasts. Not being able to wait a moment longer she guides him to her falling down on him again and again. He thrusts up in tandem with her movements. The come together breathing ‘I love you’ in each other’s ear.

Laying against his chest his back begins to ache being pushed into the stairs. “Alex, love I think we need to move. Your stairs are not all that comfortable.”

“Oh I am so sorry darling, I wasn’t even thinking.” She says as she immediately rises off of him. Never letting go she pulls him up to her which she rewards with a kiss. “Let’s go to bed.” She breathes into his mouth. 

“Hmm hmm” He murmurs back. She moves towards the stairs but he releases her hand so he can pull up his jeans. When he reaches down he sees her knickers on the floor, picking them up and shoving them in his back pocket. He then chases her up the stairs swatting at her bare bottom as they go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They rarely venture out of the bedroom for the whole of the next day. Occasionally one or both of them will make a quick trip to the kitchen for food but not for long. Their desire to explore each other keeps their hands constantly touching the other. Even being a few centimeters apart seems too far. 

Matt can’t seem to get enough of her, can’t seem to be close enough to sate his soul. He would crawl inside her if he could and he’s still not sure that would be close enough. She is under his skin, part of him in a way he could never explain. His need for her and desire for her love eclipses all other emotions. She is his beginning, middle, and end.

For Alex, having Matt in her arms, kissing her, touching her, making love to her is a dream she never thought she would have. From practically the moment they met she had thought of how it would be to be with him in this way. Now it is like she can’t breathe without him there to show her how. Their bodies meld together so perfectly as if forming a new being. 

It doesn’t seem to matter what comes after this day……this is all that matters. To be together as they should, showing each other just how much love they have for the other. They drift off smiling in the hold of the other knowing that they have felt love in a way that they never have before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title ‘You Really Got Me’ is from the title of the song of the same name by The Kinks.


	14. …And Salome Makes Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RL has been kicking butt this week......sorry for the delay.....Hope this brightens your week.  
> Thank you everyone for your comments. They are so inspiring.   
> Promise when this week is up I will respond to each of you. Only 2 days until Spring Break!!!!

At half nine they are awakened with the reminder of Matt’s illness. He quickly shuts off the alert reaching for the pill bottle. Somehow he believes if he can get this necessary nuisance out of the way that he can then ignore it for….well at least the next 11 hours and 59 minutes. Alex pretends to still be asleep. She too wants to ignore this reminder into their perfect world.

 

He quickly snuggles back into her holding her tightly to him. She makes him so happy. They are so happy. Why did he wait so long to tell her how he felt? In these moments when he is reminded of his mortality he regrets the time that passed that they weren’t together. He wills away the regret. It will not buy him more time with Alex, and it only tarnishes the time they do have.

 

She holds him closely pretending that she didn’t hear the chime of her phone reminding him to take his medication. Each day, twice a day when it rings her heart stops. She tries so hard the rest of the time to live in the moment but then twice a day she is reminded that their moments are like sands in an hourglass slowly running out. She hopes he doesn’t realize how tightly she is holding him.

 

Too awake now to fall back asleep she begins to plan her day. Salome will be home after lunch. They need to talk about what they are going to say to her. She doesn’t want to lie to her but the whole truth may be too much for now. She wonders if they could get some studio time in before then. She had been so inspired about his painting. It’s not that she hasn’t enjoyed what has distracted her from painting immensely but she still wants to paint Matt before her life gets busy again.

 

She is so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t noticed him stirring in her arms. Turning to look at her he sees the far away look in her eyes. He leans over placing a kiss on the tip of her nose startling her. “Good morning, love.”

 

Smiling, she curls into him, “Good morning, darling.” His arms are wrapped around her pressing her bare skin into his. Seeking his lips she needs to taste them like she needs to breathe air.

 

Soon all thoughts of alarms and paintings are gone from their minds. Only thoughts of each other fill them as their bodies speak to each other in ways their words cannot.

 

Their desires sated Alex heads to the shower first. Missing her next to him he makes the decision to join her there. Alex isn’t really bothered that the shower took twice as long as it would have on her own.

 

Having a late breakfast they were discussing whether they would have time to paint before Salome arrived. As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Matt hides out in the kitchen as Florian drops Salome back home. Alex said he was her special surprise for Salome but he also suspects she doesn’t want to have to explain his presence to Florian.

 

He can hear them at the door but can’t make out the conversation. He does hear “Bye dad!” Then a suitcase being drug up the stairs. It was several more minutes before he hears the front door close and Alex walking toward the stairs.

 

“Salome!” She calls up the stairs, “Can you come down here a minute?” He can hear her footsteps on the stairs.

 

“Mum, I was getting unpacked. What’s up?” She sounds so grown up. ‘What happened to my poppet?’ he wonders.

 

“Well, I have a little surprise for you….well actually I guess it’s a rather large surprise come to think of it.” He can hear the delight in Alex’s voice as she teases her daughter. Her steps quicken down the stairs to her mother.

 

“A surprise? What is it?” Matt peeks around the corner to see Salome badgering her mum for her surprise. Alex lets a smile loose on her face. “What? Mum, what is it?” Her mum just nods for her to look behind her. Turning around she leaps in the air when she sees him, “Matty!”

 

He was nearly unprepared for the teenager to jump into his arms. She seemed so much younger when he saw her a year ago. When did his poppet get so big? His arms snug around her, “Hey there poppet! How are you?”

 

She slides back to the floor her arms still around him. “Matty, I can’t believe you’re here! When did you get here? How long can you stay?” She was obviously glad to see him her questions coming a mile a minute.

 

“Salome! Calm down, give him a chance to speak.”

 

Looking embarrassed, “Um, sorry.”

 

He pulls her back into him for a tighter hug. “It’s ok. I missed seeing you too.”

 

“You did?” She seems surprised.

 

“Of course I did. Why wouldn’t I?”

 

“Um, well I don’t know. We haven’t heard from you much lately. Ithoughtmaybeyouforgotaboutme.” She said that last part quickly and altogether.

 

He pushed her in front of him so she could see his face. “Salome Violetta Haertel I could NEVER forget about you….or your mum. I’ve just been in a very far away place and it wasn’t easy to communicate with the rest of the world.”

 

“Really?” She continued to look at the floor.

 

Raising her chin to look at him, “Really!”

 

“Why don’t you two get caught up in the lounge and I will bring us some tea.” Alex suggested.

 

“and biscuits?” Matt said pleadingly. When Alex turned to roll her eyes at him she found both he and Salome with pitiful looks on their faces.

 

Laughing at them, “Ok you two …..and biscuits!” They whooped in triumph while heading to the lounge.

 

Matt told her all about his filming in New Zealand even gave her a few spoilers. He felt a bit bad that he hadn’t brought her a present but he honestly didn’t think he would get this far with Alex, and that Salome would have never known he was here. That seems silly now. He explained that it was really hard talking with anyone with the time zones and the feeble mobile service where they were.

 

She said she understood and began to tell him what has been happening in her life as Alex came in with the tea and biscuits. Salome squealed when she saw they were homemade biscuits. “Mum you baked?”

 

“Yeah, that one over there begged until I gave in. Don’t you two think that you can get whatever you want with those puppy dog eyes. Not happening!” She tried her best mummy glare. It didn’t seem to work on either of them as they burst into laughter and dove for the biscuits. Munching on biscuits and sipping on tea a quiet had descended on them.

 

“So Matty, how long can you stay?”

 

He choked a bit on his tea. He looked over to Alex hoping she would take the lead here. “Well poppet, I’m….”

 

Alex interrupted “Salome, Matt’s going to stay with us for awhile.”

 

“How long is awhile?”

 

“Were not sure yet.” She said hesitantly as she looked over at him. As his eyes met hers there was undeniable love between them even a teenager couldn’t help but notice.

 

Salome brought her hand to her mouth and let out a gasp. They both looked at her. “You’ve finally done it haven’t you?” Matt’s ears went immediately red and the cheeks on Alex’s face became flushed.

 

“Done what?” Her mum asks a bit accusatory.

 

Salome sits between them looking back and forth at their faces as she gets a satisfied grin on her face. “Yeah, you did!”

 

“What?” He asks not sure if he can handle this teenagers answer.

 

Smiling from ear to ear she declares smugly, “You finally told each other that you love one other!”

 

Both of their mouths are hanging open in surprise. “How did you…..?”

 

She waves her hands dismissively at them. “Oh please anyone with eyes could see you two were in love. I was beginning to think you would never admit it to each other.” Using their surprise as a distraction she nics the last biscuit.

 

Needless to say Salome was thrilled that Matt was staying, AND was finally dating her mum. The three of them spent the afternoon catching up with each other and playing board games until Alex slipped in the kitchen to start dinner. As they were cleaning up the lounge Matt looked over to Salome. It seemed like more than a year had passed since he had seen her. At fifteen she seemed so far from the little girl he used to play with on set while her mum filmed scenes.

 

Catching him looking at her she wrinkles her nose. “What??”

 

He shakes his head to dispel the image of the little girl long gone. “Oh nothing!” He says wistfully. Since she refused to look away he continued. “It just doesn’t seem possible that you are ….what 15 now? It seems like only yesterday you were a little girl and we were laying across the studio floor coloring pictures.”

 

She rolls her eyes at him. “You’re sounding like mum! She keeps telling me I’m growing too fast.”

 

“I’m in full agreement!” He says as he hands her the board game to put away. Left to his thoughts he realizes that he will never see her grow up. This makes him even sadder than missing the little girl who would ride on his shoulders.

 

As if she read his mind she comes up behind him and grabs him around the neck. “How about a horseyback ride to the kitchen?”

 

He laughs out loud. “Oh poppet, I think my days of horseyback rides are over with.”

 

Tightening her grip she pleads in his ear, “Pretty please!”

 

He never could deny her anything, so like her mother. “Ok, but let me stand up first.” Standing up he goes over to the sofa where Salome jumps up on it so she can climb on his back. Despite her height she is actually quite lightweight. Bopping out to the kitchen he announces, “Hey Kingston, I think there is something stuck on my back.” He is all smiles and Salome is grinning over his shoulder.

 

Alex can’t help but snicker at them. “Salome! You’re going to break Matt’s back. You’re not a little girl anymore.” Salome slides down Matt’s back. As she begins to move away, he catches her and pulls him back to him.

 

“Kingston! She’ll always be my little girl!” He wraps his arms around her as she buries herself into his chest.

 

Closing the distance between them, Alex wraps her arms around the both of them. “And mine too!” They both lean down to kiss Salome through her curls.

 

Later that night as he and Alex are lying in bed he thinks about how lucky he is. He has Alex in his life. She _loves_ him and he _loves her_. They had a wonderful daughter in Salome. It doesn’t even surprise him that he thinks of her as his daughter. She is the closest he has ever had to a child of his own, and apparently ever will. Yeah lucky……just in a short term sorry gotta die sorta way. He tries not to think of it all ending. Using all his resolve he wills himself to enjoy the here and now. Turning into Alex’s body nestled next to his he is thrilled that she is here with him now and he doesn’t want to think of being anywhere else.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	15. Family Life

Their day begins as it has these last few mornings. After thoroughly making sure she knows how much he loves her she heads to the shower. Instead of joining her today he falls against the pillows and in moments is sound asleep.

 

She smiles as she passes through the bedroom wearing her yoga outfit. Pausing only a minute to admire the peaceful look on his face she heads down to her morning routine in solitude. She isn’t alone long as halfway through her routine he pads out from the house to join her. Having completed her routine and guided Matt through learning more poses they head in to make breakfast.

 

They manage to make breakfast and are nearly finished before Salome ever ventures out of bed….ah life of a teenager on summer vacation. Half-asleep she wanders into the kitchen barely noticing them sitting there. “Good morning, poppet!” He says cheerily.

 

“Huh? Oh yeah, good morning.” Salome groans towards him. He smiles. ‘Is it wrong to enjoy teasing a half-asleep teenager?’ Pulling down a glass she pours herself a large orange juice. Leaning against the counter she gulps down several large drinks before moving to the pantry to decide on the cereal choice for the morning.

 

He watches as she sleep walks through pouring her cereal, then the milk, fishing a spoon from the drawer and plopping down at the table, juice in hand. Bent over the table her actually eating is completely masked by the mass of curls draped in front of her face. Alex seems completely oblivious to the entire scene probably having witnessed it a hundred times. “So poppet, what are you going to do today?” He inquires with a bit more perkiness than necessary.

 

“Idon’tknow.” She mumbles with a shrug of her shoulders.

 

“What was that? Didn’t quite get that poppet?” He teases.

 

“uhhhh, Matt go away. Let me eat in peace.”

 

He sits straight up looking stricken. She had never called him Matt before, it was always Matty. Is she really upset with him?

 

Seeing his face Alex leans over to him, “Darling, it will be alright. Some of us have just learned not to engage the enemy until she’s had her shower. You might want to keep that in mind.”

 

He steals a peek back in Salome’s direction to see her staring out into the garden as she takes sips of her OJ. He nods in understanding towards Alex. “Well darling why don’t you go get your shower and then I’ll meet you down in the studio.” She gathers their plates taking them to the sink.

 

“That sounds good.” He says taking his tea cup to the sink pecking her on the lips before heading up to take his shower.

 

After finishing the breakfast dishes Alex stops next to Salome to give her a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be down in the studio if you need me; I’ll have my phone.” Salome just nods at her.

 

Still sitting there when he comes back down he decides to quietly pass by. He is surprised then when she speaks to him. “Mum lets you in her studio?” She says quietly.

 

Stopping to look at her, “Yeah she does.”

 

She looked up at him for the first time this morning, “Wow! She must really like you.”

 

He couldn’t help but to smile at that. “I like to think so.”

 

She smiles back at him. He wasn’t sure what to say next so he stood there watching her. “Matty, I’m sorry for barking at you this morning. I just don’t like morning when its summer vacation.”

 

He nods in understanding. “I get it. I didn’t like morning much when I was your age either.”

 

She smiles back at him. Finally she nods in the direction of the studio, “You probably should get going.” Nodding in agreement he headed towards the ‘hobby house’.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He feels a happiness reclaim him as he leaves the kitchen. ‘She called me Matty again.’ He’s smiling as he comes upon the ‘hobby house’. Even before turning the corner to the studio he can hear music wafting out into the garden. He stops back from the open doors to catch sight of Alex.

 

She is still wearing her yoga outfit but over it she wears an oversize cotton shirt. Its base color is white but it is covered in splatters of every color in her paint box. Only buttoned loosely it falls down her left shoulder revealing her delectable shoulder. Deep in concentration over the scene she is painting her body sways to the songs pouring from her speakers. He hadn’t noticed before the small but powerful sounding speakers in each corner of the studio. The sound concentrated on her position in the center of the room.

 

Moving to the entrance he leans against the doorframe entranced by the sight of Alex Kingston the artist. He thought he knew everything there was about her but in these last few days she has surprised him more than once. Will he ever learn all of her secrets? Will he have time? He shakes that last thought from his mind as he slowly sneaks up behind her planting a kiss on her exposed shoulder.

 

At first surprised but then she leans into him behind her leaning back to kiss him hello. He brings his arms around her hugging her to him as his chin rests on her shoulder. “I love watching you paint. It’s like you go to a different place. It’s mesmerizing to watch like when I watch you act. Your amazing at everything aren’t you Kingston?” He nuzzles against her neck.

 

“Well not everything sweetie.” She gets a far away look in her eyes and he knows what she is thinking about.

 

“I’m not sure I agree with you Kingston. I think your brilliant at everything.” He softly kisses against the side of throat. The strains of ‘Nights in White Satin’ can be heard in the background. His ears perk up. “You know I think there is even a glimmer of hope in your hopeless taste in music.” She turns and swats him.

 

“Alright, enough out of you. Get over there, lay down, and pose for me.” She commands lovingly.

 

“Yes, ma’am!” He salutes as he does as she asked. He had been interested in the script several days ago but honestly he no longer remembers what it was about. Their romantic interlude of the past few days is far more prominent in his mind. He settles down starting at the beginning again. He forgoes the earbuds to his iPod preferring to listen to Alex’s music this time. She silently adjusts him here and there until she is happy with what she sees.

 

Sitting back she sketches page after page in her sketchpad. At last “it” feels right. She moves over to her easel charcoal pencil in hand. At least an hour has past before he has completed the script and she has not stopped in her movements against the canvas.   He looks up to watch her getting lost amongst the strokes that flow from her eye to her hand. When after a few moments she hasn’t noticed that he has moved he stretches his stiff limbs getting up to come around the easel.

 

His gasp startles her from her artistic solitude back to reality. She turns concern marring her face. “You hate it, don’t you?” She is tapping the back of the charcoal pencil against her lip as she looks nervously towards him.

 

“Are you mad? Alex, that is amazing! That you can do that….” He points to the canvas. “I’m….I’m just in awe!”

 

Blushing she smiles at him then quickly puts up her charcoal pencil as the Beatles begin to sing ‘She Loves You’.   Rising she wraps her arms around his neck, his quickly circle around her waist. She sways them to the music, beaming at him the entire time. As the song ends she raises herself on her toes to kiss him sweetly. As the lyrics of ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand’ begin she moves her hands down to his. He surprises her by twirling her away from him and then back into his arms. The joy in her laugh could fuel him for days……possibly weeks.

 

She tugs at his hand, “Come on darling. I think it is time for a break….possibly lunch.” After pulling the remote from amongst her paint brushes she shuts off the music. She then heads them back towards the house. “Salome may even be sociable by now.”

 

Salome was indeed up for being sociable joining them for a late lunch. Throughout the meal their conversations were like that of a long formed family, of people familiar with each other, sometimes without the need to speak at all. After lunch Salome was heading over to her friend Shaun’s house to hang out at the pool for a few hours. Her and Shaun had been friend’s from grade school and Alex was comfortable with the level of supervision her parents gave to the teenagers.

 

He and Alex head back down to the studio. She continues to draw the outline for the painting on the canvas. As fascinated as he is in her art process it isn’t long before he falls asleep on her. Nearly two hours have passed before he feels warm wet lips pressed against his. As his eyes flutter open he smiles at the sight of her near him. It’s at that moment that the chorus of The Doors ‘Light My Fire’ echo through the old barn. He makes a point of showing her how indeed she lights his fire.

 

The sun is starting to settle in the sky as they make their way up to the main house. He offers to start dinner while she showers. He is chopping onions while the minced meat is browning when he hears the front door open and close. “Hey there Matty!” Salome greets him as she goes to the fridge in search of a cold drink.

 

“Well hello there poppet! It looks like you got some nice sun.” He admires the fact that she can actually tan while he only turns from pasty white to beat red.

 

She leans against the counter watching him as she is taking sips. “So what did you guys do while I was gone?”

 

“Well I mostly slept while your mum worked on her latest painting.” He gathers the onions in his hands dropping them over the meat, stirring them in. “What did you and Shaun do all afternoon?” He stirs the tomato sauce before turning back to her.

 

“Mostly just baked in the sun.” She shows off her darker shade of skin. “We read a little and talked about some of out classmates.”

 

“Would these be boy classmates?” He teased.

 

She began to blush and look away. “Maybe a little….but not all the time.”

 

“Anyone in particular that you weren’t really talking about?”

 

“Maybe….” She was chewing on her lower lip in the same way that Alex does when she is nervous. He had to stop himself from smiling at her. “There’s a boy from English Lit that ….well ….I don’t know …I guess ..I kinda ………..like.” Clearly she’s not conflicted at all.

 

“What’s he like?” He prompts her as he turns to stir the meat.

 

Him not looking at her made her braver and she began to talk excitedly. “Well he’s really cute. He has kinda long hair parted in the middle. It’s always falling in his eyes.” She pauses obviously thinking about his hair and his eyes. “He’s amazingly smart too. He always understands the stories even the ones written like a million years ago that no one else gets.” When Matt turned back to face her she faltered. “I …don’t ….know ….he’s just cool.”

 

Matt comes over wrapping an arm around her and kisses her on the forehead. “Well just cool is pretty important. Don’t you think?” She beamed up at him and nodded. “So why don’t you go get your shower, your mum’s in there now. Dinner shouldn’t be too much longer.”

 

“Thanks Matty!” She crushes him in a big hug before taking off upstairs. He smiles as he turns back to finishing dinner for his family.

 

So becomes their routine to go to the ‘hobby house’ after breakfast each day and paint until late afternoon. They usually take a break in the afternoon for lunch or a snack or …..each other. They meet back up with Salome for dinner and spend the evening as a family. It all made him so happy he could barely contain the grins from taking over.

 

They were watching a movie that the girls actually let him pick out this time and they even seemed to be enjoying it when Alex’s mobile alarm went off. He was beginning to hate this time of day. He could be having the most fabulous time and then the chime would go off and everything would come screeching to a halt reminding him that this joy wasn’t going to last long. He could manage to forget for 11 hours and 59 minutes that he wasn’t going to die but twice a day, every day he was reminded with digital accuracy.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the fabulous artists of Doctor Who.......... it would be amazing if you could make a painting or sketch that would go along with this story. Oh how honored I would be.


	16. Lunch with Florian

It’s Tuesday morning. Alex seems nervous and a bit jumpy as she clears their breakfast dishes. Reading the paper while sipping his tea he can’t help but notice she seems on edge. Putting down the paper he walks behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. With his nose nuzzled into her hair he whispers in her ear, “I love you Kingston!”

 

She arches back into him turning to capture his lips in hers. “I love you too, darling.”

 

He continues to hold her swaying her gently in his arms. “What has you so jumpy?” He asks quietly.

 

She hadn’t meant for him to see her nerves but now that he had she had little choice then to tell him the truth …..at least somewhat. “I have to meet Florian for lunch today.” He stopped swaying…..it’s possible he stopped breathing as well.

 

“Why?” He hated that his voice sounded scared of the answer.

 

She let out a breath. “We have to go over some plans for Salome, make some decisions about holiday plans,…….and I thought I should talk to him about you.”

 

“Why do you need to talk to him about me?” Without realizing it his arms and body had encircled her in a tight hold.

 

She turned in his arms to face him. “Well I’m sure Salome will tell him when she goes over next week or when they talk on the phone. I would rather he hear it from me.”

 

“Why does that matter?” His voice is tight and controlled.

 

“It matters that I want my daughter to have a family that tries to get along with each other. He lets me know when he is dating someone seriously because it affects Salome, and I do the same. Of course, I haven’t much of anything to report before so this might be a surprise to him.”

 

“So this isn’t about getting his approval?” He’s not even sure where that question came from except apparently some deeply rooted level of insecurity.

 

“Matt! How could you think that?”

 

“I don’t know Alex. You and he were married for a long time, you have a child together. I’m not sure what to think.” He would probably be running his hands through his hair at this moment except that he doesn’t want to remove them from around Alex’s body.

 

“Matt, look at me. I don’t need anyone’s approval to be with you. I love you…..now get that through your thick skull.” He smiled nodding at her. She reached up pulling him down at the same time so that their lips met in the middle.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She is anxiously playing with the cutlery as she waits for Florian. They usually meet up at a small café near where they used to live as a family. It always had good memories for them and it had seemed like neutral ground when they needed to discuss family matters. She sees him as he enters pausing only a moment at the hostess stand until he sees her.

 

“Sorry, sorry I’m late. I couldn’t get my editor off the phone for anything.” He reaches over to kiss her cheek before sitting opposite her. She had already ordered them coffee and it arrived a moment after he sat down. They make small talk about the California weather until the waitress takes their lunch order.

 

After discussing Salome’s summer options, its time they talk about the holidays. This was supposed to be his year to have her for Christmas but with Matt’s prognosis she needs to convince him that Salome should be with her this year.

 

“So I had a bit of a surprise last week.” She begins.

 

“Oh, really what?” Just then their food arrives and they are distracted for several minutes before she can get the conversation back on track. Luckily he seems interested so he prompts her, “You were saying?”

 

“Yes, I was saying I had a bit of a surprise last week.” She pauses and he looks up at her expectantly. “Matt came to see me.” She quickly popped a piece of chicken salad in her mouth.

 

“Matt? You mean Matt Smith from Who?” Florian seemed unclear why she would be bringing this up. Surely old co-stars visited her all the time.

 

“Yes, Matt Smith.” She was biting her bottom lip worrying how to proceed with this conversation.

 

Seeing her distress he puts his fork down to give her his attention. “Alex what is it? You can tell me?”

 

“Well….you see….Matt and I have….. decided to start seeing each other.” She quickly looked at the tablecloth not sure what expression he would have on his face.

 

Florian’s hand comes across the table and covers hers. She looks up at him. “Does he make you happy Alex?”

 

She could feel the tension leaving her body as a smile transformed her face. “Yes, yes he does.”

 

He pats her hand before going back to his lunch. “Well then I am happy for you.”

 

“What? That’s it?” She looks at him in surprise.

 

Putting down his fork he looks at her again. “Why? Did you want me to be jealous or something? It’s not like you haven’t been supportive of the many woman I have dated.”

 

She snorts at that. “True. I guess I thought you would bring up the age difference, or that I’m twice divorced, or that I have a child.”

 

“Well Alex I am pretty sure he already knows all those things about you and it must not matter to him. I have to say I admire that in him. As for you, I imagine you have already driven yourself mad with thinking about these things but have finally decided they don’t matter anymore either. So why would it matter what I think?” He takes another bite.

 

“I…uh..I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t matter. I just need you to be ok with him. Salome really likes him too and I don’t want there to be any problems between you.”

 

He lowers his fork looking over at her. “Alex from what I have heard about Matt from you, Salome, and even the press he seems like a decent guy. You deserve a decent guy. As long as he treats you and Salome well I have no problem with him.”

 

Her eyes begin to well with tears but she wills them away. She’s not ready for the next part of the conversation yet. She asks him about what projects he is working on while losing herself in her chicken salad.

 

After their plates have been cleared she decides its time for the next bit. “Um Florian, I have something else I would like to discuss with you. I know this year is your turn to have Salome for Christmas but I was really hoping that she could spend it with Matt and I.”

 

Florian taps his fingers on the table cloth thinking about her request. “Alex, I can understand it being your first Christmas together that you would want to have her there but I think we should leave things as they are. She can spend next Christmas with the two of you.”

 

Tears really did threaten to fall now. She clears her throat. “Actually Florian, no she can’t.” She takes a deep breath. “Matt will be gone by then.” She rubs her hands together under the table trying to will herself not to cry.

 

Florian is confused. “What do you mean he will be gone by then? Is this some kind of weird Hollywood get together for only a few months thing that you already have planned out?”

 

She almost smiles at that. She wishes. Sitting straighter in her seat she leans forward towards him so she can speak softly. “Matt’s ill.” Florian raises his eyebrows. “By next Christmas he will be gone.”

 

At first he looks at her speechless then he rises from his chair to come to her, putting his arms around her. “I am so sorry Alex, so sorry.” He just holds her while she cries for the first time to anyone but Matt. When her sobs quiet he steps back and offers her his handkerchief. He was always such a gentleman.

 

Sitting back across from her he isn’t sure what to say. Several times he begins to speak but nothing comes out. Finally he settles on “Why?”

 

Perplexed she looks over to him, “Why what?”

 

“Why now? Why did he wait to come to you when he is only going to break your heart?” Florian was getting angry now. He thought Matt was an honorable guy.

 

“Truthfully we have both felt strongly about each other for a long time, long before he left Who. Neither of us were ever brave enough to act on those feelings. Me for all the reasons I said earlier and him because he was afraid I would reject him. But when you have only months to live; it puts your priorities in order. This is the one thing he wanted in his life, a relationship with me.”

 

“And you couldn’t turn him away?”

 

“No, I couldn’t and that was long before I found out about his condition.” Florian looks at her surprised by this.

 

“I really love him Florian. I have probably since the first moment I laid eyes on him. I know that sounds crazy and it is. That is why I spent nearly eight years trying to talk myself out of loving him. It never worked and when he showed up on my doorstep and declared his love for me……..well I couldn’t fight it anymore……I didn’t want to. I want a relationship with him too.”

 

“But Alex, he’s going to…”

 

“I know!” She cut him off. “I know but I need him and if this is all I am allowed to have of him then I don’t want to deny myself that…..even if it is not long enough.”

 

He reaches over to her silently asking for her hands in his. Squeezing them he tells her, “I understand Alex. I’m here whatever you need.” She nods at him, barely able to give him a watery smile.

 

By the end of lunch he had agreed to Salome having Christmas with her and Matt and he understood he might need to help pick up the pieces down the road, especially for Salome. Before they parted she gave him a hug, reminded him that Matt was not to know of this conversation, leaving with, “see you on Sunday.”

 

When she got back into her car she was exhausted, physically and emotionally rung out. As she turned the key in the ignition she wasn’t sure if she was ready to face Matt yet. She knew he would be able to tell that something was wrong. Instead she drove down to the beach. Walking along with her shoes in her hand she was able to clear her head. Luckily no one seemed to recognize her or maybe she just gave off a ‘leave me alone’ vibe. After about an hour she headed back home ready to resume a life she wished could go on forever.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	17. Somewhere Less Casual

Matt seems to be more excited than Alex to go to the NCIS set. He doesn’t watch a lot of American TV but he has seen this show more than a few times. Admittedly he first began watching it when Alex first guest starred on it. He liked the pace of it and the fact they didn’t treat the audience like idiots. He won’t admit to this but he might just be a little bit of a fan-boy for Abby’s character.

 

Alex wasn’t sure who was more excited Matt or Pauley. She had enthused to Alex the last time she was on set about how big a Doctor Who fan she was. Her dad had been a fan of the classic series and they used to watch tapes he had bought of the older Doctors. When the show came back in 2005 her and her dad had a renewed love for the Doctor. Pauley Perrette had asked her loads of questions about David and Matt. She was a fan of both unable to choose a favorite. They both represented the Doctor to her in different ways.

 

When she walked onto set with Matt on her arm Pauley shrieked running over to them. “Oh my god! Oh my god! It’s the Doctor……and River Song!!!” She was jumping up and down looking much like her character, already in costume.

 

Matt immediately imitated her, “Oh my god! Oh my god! It’s Abby!!!” They grabbed onto each others forearms as they both jumped up and down together. Alex couldn’t believe the sight unfolding before her eyes watching and shaking her head. From across the set she saw Michael Weatherly and Sean Murray approaching. Michael had his cell phone out videoing the entire exchange.

 

She sidled up to Michael and whispered into his ear. “Be sure to send me a copy of this won’t you?”

 

He gave her a thumbs up as we watched the exchange in front of us. Soon they both calmed down and Pauley began interrogating Matt about all aspects of the Doctor and the world of Who. He was only too happy to tell her after he extracted a promise from her of a tour of “her lab”.

 

Michael reluctantly stopped filming when Mark Harmon came up behind him swatting him upside the head much like his character would do. He turned to Alex. “Hey there Alex, glad to see you.”

 

She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks Mark, glad to be here.” She headed off to make-up and costuming while the regulars began their filming day. Pauley took Matt on his promised tour of the lab. She wasn’t in as many scenes as Gibb’s crew so she spent her down time talking with Matt in her laboratory set.

 

They are about to film in the lab so Matt heads off set to watch when he feels a familiar buzzing in his pocket. Pulling out his phone he sees a text from Arthur.

 

_‘Hey mate I finished the play and am a bit recovered. Wanted to see if you want to do something?’ -A_

 

Matt smiles cause Arthur has no idea that Matt is quite busy at the moment.

 

_‘Actually mate I’m not in the country at the moment. I’m actually in the States.’ -M_

 

_‘Really? The States? This wouldn’t happen to be on the west coast where a certain curly haired actress we know lives would it?’ -A_

_‘Maybe!’ –M_

_‘Well do tell her her father said hello and behave, remember I have a sword!’ A_

_‘Actually no you don’t. The prop department made you give it back!!’ –M_

_‘Oh shut up!!!!!’ –A_

_‘I was thinking of heading to the States myself. Maybe visit Kaz in NYC.’ –A_

_‘Really???? That sounds cool!’ –M_

 

Just then Alex came by to see if he was ready to head off to the bar with the NCIS crew.

 

_‘Hey gotta go!!! Talk to ya soon!!!!; - M_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Later when they are heading home Matt mentions his text conversation with Alex. “So I was texting with Arthur earlier.”

 

“Oh how is dad?” She says while trying to keep her eyes on the road.

 

Chuckling, “Well he told me to tell his daughter hi.” She smiles. “He just finished up his play and was thinking of heading to New York to see Kaz.”

 

“Really? Wonder what that is about?” Her tone suggesting more than just a visit of friends.

 

He coughs, “I have no idea. He hasn’t said anything to me. As far as I know there just friends.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what they say about us too darling!” She winks at him. How is it possible for her to wink and flirt while driving a car?

 

“So what do you say we crash their little party and find out?” He suggests playfully.

 

“What? No, what if they really are having a romantic getaway?”

 

He rubs his hands together. “Oh now, I really want to go!”

 

“Matt be serious. We’re just going to take off to New York?”

 

He looks over to her and teases, “Wait, aren’t you like the International Poster Girl for Airline Travel?” She tries swatting at him but he manages to duck her since she has to keep her eyes on the road. “I mean why not? What’s keeping us here?”

 

“Well a teenage daughter for one.”

 

“I didn’t forget about Salome but she goes to her dad’s next week right?” Alex nods. “Well then she won’t even miss us……and it will be a good distraction to keep you from missing her.”

 

She pulls into the driveway shutting off the car. “You know darling you make a compelling argument.” She leans his way giving him a quick kiss. “I have been missing mummy and daddy. Maybe this is a good time for a Pond family reunion.”

 

He pumps his fist in the air as he gets out of the car. “Whoo-hoo! NYC, baby!!”

 

“Matt, shush! You’re going to wake the whole neighborhood.” They head inside discussing the details for their trip.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next day a little after lunch he texts Arthur.

 

_‘So hey was wondering if your trip to NYC was a private trip?’ –M_

_‘A private trip???? What the hell is that suppose to mean?’ –A_

_‘Well Alex seemed to think you might want to be alone with Kaz?’ –M_

_‘You mean like alone alone? We’re just friends mate. I thought you knew that.’ –A_

_‘Yeah, that’s what I told Alex but she wanted me to be sure before we decided to ambush your holiday.’ – M_

_‘Wait! What? You’re coming to NY too?’ – A_

_‘If that’s ok with you mate?’ –M_

_‘That would be incredible! So Alex is coming too?’ –A_

_‘Yeah ok with that?’ – M_

_‘No this is great! I am definitely looking forward to this now!!!! So when you coming out?’ –A_

_‘Email me your travel plans and we will work around them. Were you able to get in the same hotel as Kaz?’ –M_

_‘I was planning to, I haven’t booked anything yet. Let me double check with Karen on the best dates for her. I’m sure she will want to do things with us. It would be good to catch her when she has a few off days.’ –A_

_‘Sounds great but don’t tell her we’re coming. We want to surprise her.’ –M_

_‘Only if I get to video it. The Scottish screech alone will wake up the cats and dogs on half the eastern seaboard.’ –A_

 

Matt laughs so hard his side hurts. _‘Absolutely! But you have to send me a copy!!!!!!!’ – M_

_‘Definitely!!!!!!!   Ok, I will email you the info as soon as I get it.’ –A_

_‘Woo-hoo!!!!! This is going to be epic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ –M_

 

He leaves the lounge in search of Alex. “Kingston!!!!!!!” He finds her in her office returning emails. “We’re going on a road trip!!!!!” He does a happy dance into the room.

 

“I gather Arthur didn’t object?” She asks while peering over her glasses. God, they make her look sexy.

 

“No, in fact he was pretty excited that he was going to see his daughter.”

 

“Really?” She says while walking around the desk. Moving closer to her he wraps his arms around her.

 

“Yes, really.” He places a gentle kiss on her lips. “He’s going to send us the details as soon as he books his flight then we can work around that. He was going to double check with Kaz on her best days.”

 

“Oh but I thought we were going to surprise her?” She pouts.

 

“We are! Darvill just wants to make sure she doesn’t have to work the whole time we’re there.”

 

“This is going to be such fun having us all together again.” She practically squeals.

 

He pulls her into a tighter embrace, “I knew you’d see things my way!”, giving her a slow kiss.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	18. It’s New York City, Baby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is a pretty long chapter.............but it's fun!!!!!!

They check into their hotel and Alex immediately wants to take a shower. She claims she hates the way airplanes smell and wants to freshen up before they meet up with their friends. Matt starts to unpack their things getting a bit of a thrill placing his and her unmentionables side by side in the hotel drawer. Shortly he gets a text from Arthur.

 

_‘You guys here yet?’ –A_

_Matt smiles. ‘Yeah, we just checked into the hotel.’ –M_

_‘What’s your room #?’ –A_

_‘815W’ –M_

_‘See you in a bit’ -A_

 

Several minutes later he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door to his scruffy friend. “Hey there, mate!” Matt gives him a manly handshake hug. “So when did you get in?”

 

“I got in earlier today. Thought I should catch some sleep cause we know Kaz is going to want to keep us up late!” They both laugh at that.

 

Just then Alex dashes out of the washroom with a towel wrapped around her. “Darling, have you seen my purple blouse?” She has her back to them and is oblivious to Arthur.

 

Matt coughs, “Ah Alex we have a guest.”

 

Turning slowly she sees Arthur and immediately turns red. “Ah, hi dad. Just give me a moment.” and rushes back into the washroom shutting the door.

 

Matt rotates to look at Arthur who is standing there with his mouth gaping open. Matt is smiling ear to ear. “So you and Alex……finally??” He stammers out.

 

“Yeah, I finally got brave.”

 

Recovering from his initial shock, “Well it looks good on you mate. You look a hundred times better than the last time I saw you.”

 

“Yeah!” Matt realizes he’s right he does feel better, better than he has felt in a long time. How ironic he thinks. “Yeah, I am.”

 

Alex comes back out of the washroom, this time fully clothed. She immediately comes over to give Arthur a hug. “Hey there Arthur.”

 

He hugs her back. “It’s so good to see you. It seems like forever.”

 

“Oh not quite that long…..what was it about four months ago we met up in London?” She says as she pulls back.

 

“Yeah, like I said ….forever!” She swats him playfully then kisses him on his cheek. “So it seems there have been some developments since I last saw you?” He nods towards Matt.

 

She blushes. “Yeah.” She moves closer to Matt taking his arm in hers. “What do you think about that?” She worries her bottom lip between her teeth as she gauges his response.

 

He puts his hands on his hips trying to look fierce. “Well as _your father_ I would have thought he would have asked my permission first!” Glaring at Matt. “But as your friend all I can say is about bloody time!” He is now sporting a big grin. Relieved she runs over throwing her arms around him.

 

After catching up a bit it’s finally time for them to meet up with Karen.   As their heading down in the elevator Matt pokes at Arthur. ‘You know mate technically you already gave me your permission to date your daughter.”

 

“I did?”

 

“Yeah, wasn’t it you who told me I needed to go tell her how I felt?”

 

“Oh yeah, that was me wasn’t it. Well, you still better treat her right!” He poked Matt back. Alex just laughed at the two of them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Karen is expecting Arthur to meet with her after she completes filming in Central Park. They decide to go to the location where Karen is filming. She has no idea that Matt and Alex are coming to NYC as well. As they approach the filming location they see Karen and several of the other actors leaving apparently finished for the day.

 

Matt gets an idea. Hiding in his hat Matt works his way towards her shoving a paper her way to sign along with all of the other fans. Without looking up she signs it, he responds, “Oh Ms. Gillian you are so wonderful. I just love you work.” Not getting a response from her he tries again. “You are so Scottish!”

 

At that she looks up recognizing him. “Oh my god…..Matt?   What are you doing here?” She pulls him into an embrace. “I’m here to see you, silly!”

 

Of course the fans around her get even more excited realizing who he is. Matt gets swept up in the autograph seekers and it is a full half hour before her publicist is able to pull them out of it. Arthur and Alex managed to keep back and out of sight. Arthur sends Matt a text telling him to meet them at a local pub down the street.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alex has gone off to the loo and Arthur has already ordered a round of drinks when Matt and Karen walk in. She comes up to him giving him a big hug. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me Matt was coming too! I thought he was still in New Zealand.”

 

“Well we thought it would be a fun surprise. Did you like it?”

 

“Oh my god, yes! I have missed you guys. You stupid idiots!” Simultaneously with both hands she punched them both in the arms.

 

“Ow!” Arthur is rubbing his shoulder. “Really? Why do we do nice things for her when all she does is hurt us?”

 

Looking smug, “Cause you love me!”

 

Just then the drinks arrive. Karen notices that there are four beers. “What’s with the fourth? Who else is coming?”

 

“I believe that is mine, mummy.” Alex says from behind her.

 

“Oh my god!” She jumps up, red hair flying everywhere as she pulls Alex into a tight embrace. “My daughter is here!” As she pulls back to look at Alex her face is beaming. “I can’t believe that you are here! Aren’t you suppose to be in London on stage?”

 

“Well, the financing fell through on that production so I was just sitting at home when Arthur said he was coming over to see you. We thought we’d join him.”

 

“We?”

 

“Yeah, Matt and I.”

 

Alex let go of her so she could move around the table to take her seat next to Matt. Karen remained standing there speechless. Looking across the table she took in the sight of Alex sitting next to Matt (ok, nothing unusual there), then how she smiled at him as he handed her her beer (um, not _that_ different), then the touches of his hand against hers and hers on his shoulder. When she threw her arm around his shoulder as she leaned in to tell Arthur something it all clicked into place for her. Her voice was calm and slow as she said, “You guys are together?”

 

Everyone at the table stopped talking and looked up at her realizing for the first time that she hadn’t sat down yet. “…and the penny drops!” Arthur announces. “Back with us, are you?”

 

She looks at him then over to Matt and Alex before sliding into the seat next to Arthur. “I’m right aren’t I? You two are together?”

 

Matt looks over to Alex as she looks back at him, both smiling like idiots. “Yes Karen, we are.” Alex confirms.

 

They all braced themselves for a loud Scottish screech when to their surprise there was complete silence. Arthur was the first to brave getting close enough to ask if she was alright. She just nodded. Finally she looked over to the happy couple with tears in her eyes. “I am so happy for you two. I’ve known that you two belonged together for so long now….when it didn’t happen by the end of Matt’s run on Who I had resigned myself that it was never going to happen.” No one had expected such a serious response from Karen. They were a bit choked up themselves, especially Matt.

 

Talking to Karen but looking at Alex, “I know what you mean Kaz. I didn’t think it was going to happen after that either. But one day I was just sitting in my lounge back in London thinking about my life and realizing that the one thing I’ve always wanted was still missing from it. So I got on a plane and told her how I felt. I’m just glad she felt the same way.” Looking deep into her eyes he leans over and kisses her.

 

When they look back at their friends they are greeted with them making gooey eyes and kissy faces at them. Ignoring them Matt asks, “So Kaz, what about you? You probably have them lined up around the block since you’ve been in New York.”

 

She flips her long red hair. “Oh I do alright. None of them that I want to spend forever with though. Not ready for that yet!” She grabs her beer holding it in the center of the table. “Toast!” Her Scottish voice is back in full force. They all oblige by placing their glasses next to hers. “To friends forever! Team TARDIS!!”

 

After several hours and many beers they are getting tipsy and hungry. “So I’m starving – what do you say we get out of here and find food?” Matt suggests.

 

Arthur seconds that idea. “That sounds like a great idea mate. What are you guys hungry for?”

 

“Food!” Matt exclaims loudly.

 

“Yes dear, we heard you…along with half the bar.” Alex admonishes him.

 

“Just don’t let Alex decide or we will all starve to death before she makes a decision.” Matt teases.

 

Arthur and Karen groan while Alex smacks him. “Shut up you sod!”

 

“Ok, I am making an executive decision. We are getting Chinese take-away and taking it back to my suite. It’s huge and we can talk all night if we want without anyone bothering us.” She loves their fans but the constant interruptions makes having a night out a bit difficult. “Besides I have the most important component to a successful Team TARDIS reunion ~ alcohol!”

 

Alex, Matt, and Arthur look at each other nervously but agree to her plan anyways. They always agree in the end to any plan Karen comes up with …….well cause she’s Kaz and no matter how much they protest they love the drunken nights that they have had at her parties.

 

Chinese food ordered, it only took Alex twice as long as everyone else to decide on hers. Matt teases her mercilessly about it. He only shuts up when she threatens to not share any of hers with him. While they wait for the food Karen drags Arthur down the street to pick up several bottles of wine and most importantly ~ tequila!

 

They walk back in the restaurant just as the food arrives. “Karen what’s all this?” Alex asks when she sees the bags of booze. “I thought you said you already had alcohol?”

 

She raises the bag she’s carrying in the air, “Well you can never have too much now can we?” They all roll their eyes wondering what kind of crazy Kaz will get them into tonight.

 

 

She wasn’t kidding her suite was huge. It had a large living room area with two sectional sofas facing each other. The small table had been made into a makeshift bar. It was obvious that this was not the first party her suite had experienced. “Oh Karen, this place is amazing.” Alex gushed as they entered her suite.

 

“Yeah, it is pretty decent, especially for New York.” Karen answered while pulling the bottles from the bags to add to the table.

 

Arthur had stopped a few steps in the room taking it all in. “Geez Kaz, I didn’t realize what a big deal you were in this movie!” He was trying for impressed but it came off as teasing.

 

“Oh shut up stupid face!” She shot back.

 

Walking over to her he rested his hand against her arm. “No, I meant it. I really hadn’t realized how big of an actress you’ve become. I’m really proud of you.”

 

He caught her off guard with his honesty and she looked nervous with his eyes on her. Finally she murmured, “Thanks husband.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. He pulled her the rest of the way into an embrace. “Your welcome wife.”

 

The intimacy of their exchange surprised Matt and he felt a bit like an intruder. So he walked over to the windows to take in the view of the city. In a moment Alex was standing next to him wrapping her arm around his waist while resting her head on his shoulder. The view of New York City at night is an amazing thing to behold. Despite really liking the city he hasn’t gotten here as often as he would have liked with his schedule. It still had a newness to him and it still awed him. He was looking forward to the four of them heading out into the hustle and bustle of it tomorrow.

 

They were brought back into the room with the screech of a firey red Scot, “So let’s get this party started!” They turned to see her hoisting a red and a white wine bottle, one in each hand over her head.

 

He looked over to Alex who was smiling back at him. “Best not keep mummy waiting!” She teased. He leaned in to kiss her before they rejoined their friends.

 

“Alright, that’s enough of that. Not in front of the parents!” Karen yelled over to them while silently asking red or white by alternating the bottles in the air for their vote.

 

Karen poured while Arthur passed out the glasses. Alex unpacked the food and Matt laid out the plates and silverware. They really were a perfect team. They each filled their plates but that didn’t matter as they had no problem reaching onto someone else’s plate for a forkful. It was incredible how quickly they fell back into the comfortableness of their relationship like years hadn’t passed since they had all lived together.

 

Being here in Karen’s suite reminded them all of their times in Cardiff in one of their suites, usually Karen’s, drinking and spending time with each other. It wasn’t long before they started telling stories from that time, usually trying to talk over each other to be the first to get it out.

 

“Remember the time Matt was in his ‘prank phase’?’ Arthur announced. “And he pennied Karen into her flat……then forgot and she couldn’t get out to get to the studio?” Matt’s face went crimson.

 

Alex was laughing at the memory. “Yeah I don’t know who was madder Karen or Steven!”

 

He was shaking his head. “A word to the wise – never get two Scots mad at you at the same time!” They all roared with laughter.

 

“Yeah mate, I think Steven made you cater to her every whim for what two days after that?” Arthur mocked.

 

“Yes, and she took full advantage of it too!” He pointed an accusing finger in Karen’s direction.

 

“It serves you right!” She taunts back then sticks out her tongue at him. They all laugh.

 

Alex is leaning against Matt his arm casually around her shoulder. Her shoes were abandoned long ago and her feet are tucked under her as she sips her red wine. She looks over to the other couch at her friends that she hasn’t seen at the same time for what…..two years now. They seem more comfortable together than she remembers. Karen’s long legs are draped over Arthur’s. His hands resting on top of them slowly tapping out a beat to whatever song is stuck in his head at the moment. Karen doesn’t seem to notice or at least isn’t bothered by the movement like it is perfectly normal. Alex smiles but says nothing.

 

Karen pops up from the sofa and heads to the little table on a mission. She returns with a tequila bottle in one hand, salt and limes in the other. “Shots! It’s time for shots!” She announces in full Scottish pitch. Matt is sure the entire floor has heard her and any minute there will be a bang on the door from the manager.

 

“Oh come on Karen – must we?” Alex begs. “We were having such a lovely time.”

 

“And we will have an even lovelier time after we do some shots. Come on you pasty faced Brits. You going to let a little wee Scottish girl drink you under the table?” She looked their way daring them.

 

The three of them looked at each other warily before leaning onto the coffee table for the salt shaker. “Ok, on the count of three. 1…2…3.” They all lick the salt, down the tequila shot, and dive for the limes in the middle of the table. They’re having so much fun they don’t even realize how many times they have repeated that action until the room begins to sway a bit.

 

“Alex, Alex I think we are having one of those earthquakes!” Matt sputters.

 

Leaning more heavily into him than before, “No dear were not. We’re not in California remember? It’s just you swaying darling.”

 

“Are you sure?” His voice sounds concerned.

 

Arthur is laughing at him from the other sofa. “God I bet your fun when there is an actual earthquake!” Karen joins in laughing and pointing at him.

 

Alex perks up. “Oh you should have seen him when we had just a minor tremor. I thought I was going to have to sedate him!” They are all laughing at him now, Karen holding her side as she does.

 

“Oh so this is gang up on Matt time is it?” He probably shouldn’t have said that.

 

“Well if it wasn’t before mate, it is now!” Arthur boomed over to him.

 

“Oh!” Alex jumps up to find her purse. “You guys have got to see this.” She fishes her phone out and begins to scroll through it. “Here it is. So anyways Matt went with me to the set of NCIS.” Matt groans and hides his head behind a throw pillow. “So Pauley Perrette, who plays Abby on the show, is a huge Doctor Who fan. Every time I have guest starred she has constantly peppered me with questions about Who. So I thought it would be fun to take Matt there since I knew she would go all fan girl on him.” She looks over to Matt who is still hiding behind a cushion. “What I didn’t know is that _he_ would go all fan boy on her!” He sinks further into the couch. “Lucky for us Michael Weatherly got it all on video!!”

 

She moves to the sofa where they are sitting positioning herself between Karen and Arthur before she hits play. They watch as Abby shrieks at the sight of him but they can barely contain themselves when he responds equally loud at the sight of her. Arthur and Karen are laughing hysterically at the sight of Matt Smith going on fan boy making a right fool of himself. Arthur insists he has to see it again hitting the replay button.

 

Busy watching the video Alex is shocked when a pillow hits her in the head. Looking over at Matt he huffs, “I hate you!”

 

Smiling back at him she chides, “No you don’t!”

 

She nearly drops the phone when the alarm starts to go off. It is half twelve. She had adjusted the alarm for the time difference between California and New York. The smiles instantly fall from Matt and Alex’s faces as they look at each other being reminded of what they keep trying to forget.

 

Arthur notices right away that something has shifted. “What’s the matter?” His voice laced with concern. He looks back and forth between Alex and Matt.

 

Karen may be a bit more inebriated then she would let on since she missed whatever Arthur was talking about. “What? What’d I miss?”

 

Alex quickly schooled her emotions tapping into her actress training. “Oh it’s nothing. It’s just we forgot that Matt is taking medication. He probably shouldn’t be drinking this much.”

 

“Yeah, probably not a smart move. Where are my pills anyways?” He goes along with her cover story.

 

“In my purse darling, let me get them for you.” Putting her phone back in her purse she taps out two pills from his medicine bottle handing them over to him. He walks over to the small table to retrieve a bottle water to chase them down with.

 

It isn’t long after that Alex decides it’s time they turn in. Giving Arthur and Karen hugs they promise to meet them for breakfast. “But not too early!” Karen announces. “It’s my first day to sleep-in in a fortnight. I want to take full advantage.” They all agree they will wait for her call before heading out to breakfast.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It’s nearly 10 before Matt awakes from his slumber. He hasn’t drunk that much in probably a year, except for his three day binge back in London. He feels around the bed but he is alone, turning to face the room he catches sight of Alex sitting near the window. She appears to be reading something on her iPad while drinking tea. “Mornin’ Kingston!” He mumbles over to her before falling back down onto the bed.

 

Tucking her iPad in her satchel she comes to sit on the edge of the bed. “Hey darling, how you feeling this morning?” She speaks softly while gently combing his hair with her fingers.

 

“Like I should never drink again!” He announces dramatically before reaching out for her pulling her towards him.

 

With an outstretched hand she stops herself from falling on top of him instead leaning in to kiss him on his forehead. “How about a little tea darling….and some toast?”

 

Opening one eye to her he slowly wears a smile. “You have tea….and toast?”

 

“Just for you dear.” She places another kiss to his temple before going to the small table to prepare his tea and bring him toast. Slowly he came back to life. Ah the wonders of tea!

 

An hour and a half later they are both showered and ready for the day…….but still no word from Kaz. Matt had texted Arthur twice but hadn’t heard back from him either. “I say we go pound on her door Kingston.” She gives him a stern look. “What? I’m starving! That toast wore off about a half hour ago. I need a proper greasy breakfast.”

 

“We could just go without them if you can’t wait.” Suggests Alex.

 

“That doesn’t sound near as much fun as waking Karen up before she wants to be!” He is positively bubbling with excitement.

 

Before she can stop him he is out the door with her chasing after him. “Matt! Don’t! She just wants to sleep in…..let her.”

 

She manages to meet up with him just as the elevator doors open. He hits floor 14 before turning to Alex. “She can sleep in another time. We’re only here now..!” He meant this week on their trip but she couldn’t help think that now also meant while he was still alive. She didn’t have it in her to fight him on this anymore. She followed him off the elevator down the hallway to Karen’s suite.

 

As they approach her suite Alex catches Matt by the arm. “Why don’t we go to Arthur’s room instead? I don’t think she’d mind as much if he woke her up.” Matt looked at her cryptically but nodded anyways.

 

“I don’t know his room number, let me give him a ring.” They are only a few feet from Karen’s room when he hits the call button under Arthur’s name. Immediately they hear the Doctor’s theme coming from behind Karen’s door. Turning at the same time to each other they can’t keep from giggling.

 

“Do you think this means what we think it means?” She nods towards the suite door. His face bursts into a grin.

 

“There’s only one way to find out!” He is at her door in two strides pounding on it incessantly. Alex comes to stand next to him biting her lower lip. She is just about to make him stop when she hears the click of the lock of the door.

 

The door opens, they peer in to see Arthur shuffling back to a pile of blankets on the sofa. “Hey mate! Everything ok?”

 

Arthur yawns. “Yeah.” He mumbles. “Just didn’t sleep much. Kaz kept me up most of the night.” He nestled further into the blankets, eyes shut, not showing any signs of wanting to rise for breakfast. Matt watches as Alex comes to sit on the coffee table across from the pile of blankets harboring Arthur.

 

“Arthur honey, did you want to get some breakfast?”

 

All they heard was a “hmphh” and what was most likely snoring.

 

Matt decided that the next most important thing to do was to wake Karen. Remembering how she and Arthur would barge into his flat at ridiculous hours to wake him to their music choice of the week complete with dancing on the bed he formed an idea. Scrolling through his playlist on his phone he delights with his choice. Sneaking into her bedroom he hits play as he jumps up on the bed.

 

Karen wakes to a ludicrous Matt Smith dancing on her bed to _Good Morning by Mandisa and Toby Mac_.  “Uggghhh! Smithers, go away!” He continues his dance for a few more seconds before flopping down on the bed making every effort for as big a bounce as possible.

 

“Come on Kaz. It’s time to wake up!” His tone is soothing but she is not fooled. Tensing under the covers she awaits his next move. He doesn’t disappoint by mercilessly tickling her until she agrees to get up so they can go to breakfast. She kicks him out of her bedroom so she can get ready but he refuses to leave until he hears her in the shower.

 

He comes back out into the suite to Alex who is alone and staring out the window. Wrapping his arms around her from behind he kisses her on the neck. “Where’s Arthur?”

 

“Oh I convinced him to go shower so we could have breakfast. And Karen?” She said without looking back at him.

 

“The same.” He rested his chin on her shoulder as they took in the view of New York City together.

 

“Yes, but my way didn’t involve shrieking and threats!” She proclaimed.

 

“Yes, but yours wasn’t Scottish!!” They both burst out laughing. Oh so true!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

An hour later they are finally seated at local diner that Karen took them to. Of course she would know the best places to eat after a night of drinking. Her and Arthur are both wearing sunglasses even though it is not that bright inside the small pub like restaurant. Alex and Matt take in the sight of them and can’t help notice how close they are sitting or that Karen is leaning into Arthur’s side.

 

“So how are you two feeling?” Alex ventures into conversation.

 

“Fine.” Mumbles Karen.

 

“Yeah, fine.” Arthur adds. Just then the coffee arrives. They both act like they are seeing water after having walked in the Sahara for days. Before the waitress has left they both ask for a refill. She promises to bring them their own pot as well.

 

After a few cups they are coming back to life and even notice that Matt and Alex are sitting across from them. “So…” Karen begins. “What should we do today?”

 

Matt holds his coffee cup. “I don’t know. I just want to get out into the city. Really get the feel of it. I think this is the first time I have been here that I don’t have work to do.”

 

“Speak for yourself. I have to be back shooting in….” She looks at her watch. “46 hours and 32 minutes!”

 

“Well then we best not waste it.” Arthur pats her hand while looking over at her. She smiles. Neither Alex or Matt comment on what is unfolding before them.

 

Their food arrives and quiet descends on the group as they dive into their breakfast. Having polished off a gigantic meal for such a tiny figure Karen pushes her plate back concentrating on her coffee. “So I think we should go shopping!” She announces. The rest of the table groans.

 

Alex is the first to perk up. “Could we go to Soho? They have the most interesting vintage shops there, antiques too.”

 

Karen smiles cause she knows if Alex is on board the boys will follow. “Soho it is! I want you to teach me your ways Alex Kingston.”

 

It isn’t long before they are walking along Broadway looking into shop windows talking about everything and nothing at all. Alex has taken Arthur’s arm leading them while Karen and Matt trail behind. After the third shop that the girls stop to actually shop in the boys begin to whine. They decide to drop them at a sidewalk pub before heading to their next destination.

 

“So you and Alex seem good.” Arthur observes as they sip their beers.

 

Matt nods. “Yeah we are.”

 

“Can’t say I thought you’d ever man up. What finally got you to do it?” His question was innocent enough after all he had no idea what was really going on with Matt. He and Alex had promised they wouldn’t reveal his illness to their friends unless it became necessary. This wasn’t necessary.

 

“Oh you know stopping for more than a minute to think about my life.” He prattles on about taking stock of his life.

 

“Well I’m glad. She looks happy too. I’m glad for you both.” He clinks his glass against Matt’s.

 

“So you and Karen?” Arthur nearly snorts out his beer. “Whoa! Whoa there mate.” He pats him on the back.

 

The thought of him and Karen obviously flustered him so of course Matt wasn’t going to leave it alone. “Sorry didn’t mean for you to get all choked up there!” He teases. “Its just you two seemed awfully comfortable with each other…………………and you were in her suite this morning!”

 

“On the sofa!” Arthur pointed out. “We’re just friends. I already told you that.” He takes another pull of his beer.

 

“Uh huh!” Matt smirks at him while finishing off his brew. He signals to the waiter for another.

 

“What?” Arthur looks genuinely confused at him.

 

Leaning into the table Matt looks at him to determine if he is putting him on. Deciding he’s not he asks a different question. “Arthur you don’t even realize it do you?”

 

“Realize what?” The waiter interrupts bringing them both another beer. Arthur stares at him puzzled.

 

After a long drink he looks over to Arthur. “That you are in love with Karen!”

 

“What?!? I AM NOT in love with Karen!” He practically shouts his answer until he remembers where they are.

 

Backing off, “Ok mate, sorry. I didn’t mean to hit a nerve. So you are not in love with Karen?”

 

“NO! Definitely not! Absolutely not!” His denials seemed a bit over the top and Matt recognized this behavior well. He had gone through a similar phase with Alex. He had tried to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with her, that they were just friends, afraid that admitting it even to himself would ruin everything. Wishing he could save his friend from years wasted he also knows that he needs to come to this realization himself.

 

“Ok! Ok, sorry my mistake.” He changes the subject to discuss the appalling performance by Blackburn last season.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A few blocks away Alex and Karen are busy looking through racks of vintage clothes. Karen loves clothes from the 60’s and is hoping Alex can help her discover some gems. “Ooh, this is a nice one.” She pulls it out of the rack for Karen to see.

 

“Oh I do like that!” She checks the size. “But I think it might be too big for me. What about for you?” Alex glares back at her. “What?” Karen rethinks her words. “No! No, I didn’t mean you were big….just a size up from me. Remember I’m a beanpole….you’re all curves.” She gestures towards Alex trying to dig out of the hole she has dug for herself.

 

Alex busts up laughing. “Oh Karen, I was just putting you on. I actually might try this on. Normally I wouldn’t go for something so short but I think Matt would appreciate it on me.” She places it in her pile of ‘finds’.

 

“So…” Karen starts while keeping herself occupied looking through the rack. “You and Matt…. that was unexpected….but then again not really I suppose…. But yeah how did that come about?”

 

Her face turning pink she busies herself with the next rack over. “I’m well….. we just both quit being idiots and told each other how we felt. Amazingly we both felt the same way and …here we are.”

 

Karen had stopped pretending to look at dresses to observe her as she spoke. “So what does this mean daughter? Will we be hearing wedding bells in the future?”

 

Alex froze looking up from the rack to stare at Karen. “Umm…. No… I’m sure not.”

 

“You don’t sound very convincing there Alex.” She teases although she instantly regrets it when she sees the stricken look on Alex’s face. Walking over to her she puts her arms around her. “Alex, it’s ok. I’m sorry I didn’t mean anything by it.”

 

Pushing back the tears of why they won’t be getting married since they have no future she plasters on a smile for Karen’s sake. “It’s alright dear. It’s just after two that didn’t turn out so well……thinking about a third …..well I think that would be too much.”

 

“You know Alex you can get married as many times as you like. What about Liz Taylor? She was into double-digits!”

 

“Yes, and everyone remembers that about her too.”

 

“True but who’s to say that the third time isn’t the charm?” She playfully elbows Alex before resuming her search in the racks. “That boy…..sorry man has loved you for ages now and I suspected you have loved him as long. I think you two have a real shot of making it work.” Alex turns pretending to look at dresses so Karen won’t see the far away look of sorrow in her eyes. ‘If only………..’ she thinks to herself.

 

They both shuffle the clothing silently for several long minutes. Having finally composed herself Alex needs to change the subject. “So Karen…… what about you and Arthur?”

 

“What about me and Arthur?” She continues with her search, pulling one out for a closer inspection only to put it back on the rack.

 

“Oh come on Karen, we talked about my love life, now it’s your turn.”

 

“My love life! I thought you were asking about Arthur. He has nothing to do with my love life!” She stares at Alex shocked that she wouldn’t even consider such an idea.

 

“Really Karen! You both seemed so cozy with each other last night and this morning AND he did spend the night in your suite.”

 

“On the sofa! We were just up late talking and I passed out on the bed on the way back from the loo. He must have fallen asleep waiting for me to return.”

 

Alex looks at her incredulously. “So you and he aren’t?” She gestures about.

 

“No, were just friends. Geez, why does everyone think that?”

 

“So others have said something before?”

 

“Yeah, one of the production assistants for the movie. She claims she can tell whenever I am talking to Arthur on the phone because I get all moony eyed. That is such bollocks! I don’t get moony eyed over anyone let alone Arthur Darvill!”

 

Alex smirks and nods. “Ok, if you say so.” Not believing a word she said.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At dinner that night they decide they should take in a proper Broadway play while they are in town. It is decided that Arthur and Alex can choose since they are the theatre buffs. Karen and Matt get to choose the before theatre restaurant and the pub for after theatre drinks.

 

They have a great week together getting to see several plays both on Broadway and off-off Broadway. Arthur and Alex seemed to like the off-beat ones best. Karen wasn’t always able to join them as she sometimes had filming obligations. They even managed to be tourists a few times taking in the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, and Ellis Island. Alex was thrilled when the boys agreed to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Guggenheim as well. Matt loved watching Alex’s face as she viewed the paintings through her artist’s eye. He walked away from the museums with a new appreciation of art and the artists who created them. Arthur had been so inspired he hid out in his room for several hours writing two new songs. As great a time as they were having their week was coming to a close.

 

It was their last night in New York. Alex and Matt were heading back to LA in the morning; Arthur’s flight back to London was in the afternoon. They were enjoying their last night together at a quaint pub that one of the locals had recommended on the ferry out to the Statue of Liberty. “I still can’t believe you guys made me go out there!” Arthur was grousing good-naturedly.

 

“You didn’t have to go if you didn’t want to!” Alex defended.

 

“What and you guys tease me mercilessly that I was too chicken to face her. No thanks.” He huffed while downing his beer.

 

Karen was laughing at the exchange. “So let me get this straight Matt and Alex took you to the Statue of Liberty?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“The same Statue that was after you in our last episode?”

 

“Well not the same one since that one was a Weeping Angel and the real one isn’t but…..yeah!”

 

She reaches over the table and smacks Matt. “Ow!” He rubs at his arm watching her carefully in case she intends to smack him again.

 

“Well you deserve it! That was mean making Arthur face his fear of the Statue of Liberty.” She then turns towards Alex. “You should be ashamed of yourself there daughter!” Alex looks over to Arthur who is busy rearranging the cutlery then back to Matt.

 

Quietly she asks Matt, “Did you know he was afraid of the Statue of Liberty?”

 

“Um, no…well he had mentioned something about it not liking him but I thought he was just joking around.” He looked over to Arthur. “Sorry mate, I had no idea it really bothered you.”

 

Arthur stole a glance at Karen then they both looked over to them smiling, “Gotcha!” Karen fell into Arthur’s side laughing hysterically while Matt and Alex exchanged confused looks.

 

“So, wait….you weren’t afraid of Lady Liberty?” Alex tried to clarify.

 

Arthur shook his head. “No, but watching your reactions was priceless!”

 

“Well I’m glad we can amuse you, Darvill.” He took a long pull on his beer while trying hard not to laugh along with his friends.

 

Soon their food arrives and statues are long forgotten. When Matt fumbles the salt shaker causing it to roll across the floor she remembers about his antics at Pink’s. “Did Matt tell you how he got our picture on the wall at Pink’s?” Alex asked excitedly.

 

“Wait….what?” Karen tried to speak around a mouth full of burger. “You got your picture up at Pink’s?”

 

“What’s Pink’s?” Arthur asks.

 

“Oh you know Pink’s. I took you there when you were in town last – the place with the hot dogs.”

 

“You mean the place we had to wait like an hour for overpriced hot dogs?”

 

She smacks him. “Oi you. It’s a LA landmark!”

 

Arthur shakes his head. “If you say so.” He turns to Alex. “So what’s this about getting your picture on the wall?”

 

“Well, Pink’s has a tradition of putting on their wall pictures of famous people who come there. Matt here thought there should be a picture of the Doctor and River Song on the wall.”

 

“Well there should have been, Kingston!” He interrupts.

 

“Hush! So anyways he decides to build this tower using all the condiments on the table. When it came crashing down he pretended to be the Doctor all fumbling around to pick it up. Well immediately customers came up to us asking for autographs and pictures. Apparently word made it to the owner who then came out asking for her own picture with us for the wall.”

 

“Smooth move there Doctor!” Arthur then high fives him across the table.

 

Karen looks over slyly at Matt. “So you missing the Doctor a bit there Matt?” She teases.

 

“I don’t know…..maybe a bit.” He reaches over putting an arm around Alex. “But I got the best bit of the Doctor right here…..his wife!” Pulling her towards him he kisses her sweetly.

 

 

As the evening comes to a close they all head back to the hotel. It’s an unspoken invitation that they will all end up in Karen’s suite like they have every night this week. Karen pours the wine while Arthur gets him and Matt beers from the mini-fridge. Each couple comfortable ensconced on a facing sofa, a quiet descends on them.

 

They know this will be the last night they are together the four of them for some time. It had taken nearly two years to get them all in the same country, let alone city this time. Matt is feeling particularly sad since it may very well be the last time he sees them at all but he has no intentions of telling them that. Alex is trying to focus on the present, of them all being together. She is only marginally successful.

 

“So when do you think we can all get together again?” Karen ever the optimist pipes up. “Cause I don’t think I can wait another two years for a Pond family reunion!”

 

Arthur nudges her, “Well maybe we should all make it a point to go to Matt’s big movie première. When’s that going to be mate?” He looks over to Matt.

 

Having been taken by surprise he fumbles over his words, “Um…well…not sure. They haven’t announced a premiere date yet but probably not until next summer. There is loads of post-production that has to happen before it goes out.”

 

“Ok!” Arthur proclaims. “Unless another opportunity presents itself before hand we will all meet up for Matt’s premiere.” He brings his bottle to the center for everyone to join him.

 

Matt looks over to Alex who seems busy with a thread on her skirt. She’s not looking at him but he knows she’s thinking the same thing he is. He won’t be here when the movie premières. “Now wait a minute.” Matt begins, “Kazza’s movie will probably come out before mine. We should meet up at _her_ première.”   He then brings his bottle to the center.

 

“Or you two could just get married and then we could all come to your wedding!” Karen blurts out. Alex’s head pops up looking first at Karen, then at Matt, and lastly at Arthur.

 

“No one said anything about a wedding.” She glares at Karen hoping she will drop the subject. Karen in an unbelievable move chose not to say anything more.

 

“So, baring any weddings we will meet up at either Kazza’s or Matt’s movie première whichever one comes out first.” He again put his bottle in the center. This time he was joined by Matt’s as well as Karen and Alex’s wine glasses.

 

Before long Alex and Matt said their good-byes to Karen and Arthur. Nobody said anything about Arthur staying a little longer at the suite. They kept wondering if there was more to their relationship then they let on. It didn’t make any sense that they would keep it from them but it could be early days……..well anyways Alex kept reminding him that it wasn’t any of their business.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	19. Of Herbs and Essence

New York was exhilarating, getting to spend time with Arthur and Karen. It was more than they had hoped for but they were exhausted. They spent the next week enjoying late lie ins and lazy afternoons in the art studio. Matt usually taking a nap while Alex painted.

 

One afternoon instead of painting Alex drags him to a new age holistic practitioner who prescribed him herbs and essence oils. He wasn’t sure if he believed in them but it seemed to ease Alex’s mind a bit so he went along with it.

 

He nearly drew the line when she suggested an acupuncturist. The idea of being stuck with needles did _not_ appeal to him. But he would do anything to make her happy and it seemed to. He wasn’t sure if she just needed to feel like she was doing something for him or if she really believed these things would make a difference.

 

Taking Matt to the holistic practitioner and the acupuncturist gave her a sense of power over the helplessness she had felt since he told her of his diagnosis. She knew it was unlikely to make a difference but it felt better than not doing anything.

 

The weird part was he _was_ feeling better, everyday a little bit better. He would have thought he would have started to feel a decline by now. He was grateful however for every normal day he had with Alex and Salome. It was just as time passed he worried about how many more days he would have that they would be able to just live life.

 

This got him thinking about their relationship. They seemed to have just become a couple, they didn’t fight, they easily agreed to the same things, they enjoyed doing even the mundane chores together. He wonders would it have been this easy if they would have gotten together years ago. Or is all of this made so easy by the short expiration date of their existence as a couple?

 

Sometimes he is just grateful for this time together and other times he gets angry, angry that this is all the time they will have. Often these are the thoughts he wrestles with as he lays there quietly posing for Alex through the afternoons. He wishes he could give her something to make their time together meaningful for her. Maybe one day the answer will come to him.

 

 

One day he is cautiously passing through the kitchen after his shower. Salome is at the kitchen table and it is beyond early for her to be sociable. He has learned his lesson about “engaging the enemy” as Alex put it. It is however not him who ventures into conversation this early in the day. “Hey Matty!”

 

He nearly trips over his feet (yeah big surprise there!) at the sound of her voice. Stopping he looks over to her, “Hey there Salome!”

 

Turning away from the garden she had been staring at she gives him a smile. “Hey wait a minute…. Why are you wearing mum’s special shirt?”

 

He looks down at his shirt realizing it is the one that Alex had fished out of the bottom of her closet the day he had nothing to wear. “What? This old thing?”

 

“Yeah, she’s probably not going to like that you’re wearing it.” She informed him with all of the authority of a teenager.

 

“Why not?” His curiosity peeked afterall it was his shirt to begin with.

 

“Cause it’s her special shirt. She always wears it when she’s feeling sad or a bit homesick.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Well cause I asked her one day why she seems sad when she wears it and she told me it’s cause she is missing home, missing things she left behind.”

 

Matt just smiles and nods at her before leaving her to head to the studio.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Posing for Alex has become a bit routine after the weeks have passed. He loves watching her paint. The joy on her face is akin to the joy she radiates when she acts. He understands what she meant in that this is her creative outlet when she isn’t acting.

 

Lying there each day his mind wanders. Often he is thinking of her, thinking of something they have done together or would like to do. On this day he is brought back to his thoughts of how to make their time together more significant. He hates that he will, not that far in the future, have to leave her. ‘Why can’t I be here to always take care of her?’

 

He begins to think about ways he could take care of her. When he made out his will he left everything to his mum and dad. They are afterall his closest living relatives. Now he believes he needs to include Alex in his will as well. Afterall she’s his………his what? ……his lover? ….. his girlfriend? None of that seemed significant enough for who Alex was to him.

 

It was at that moment that he realized that he wanted her to be his wife. He’s surprised he hadn’t come to that conclusion already but truthfully he never thought he would get this far in a relationship with Alex at all. His brain went on overload as he started making plans. How should I ask her? What kind of ring should I get her? What kind of wedding should we have? Small, just close friends and family? Big – splashy Hollywood or London affair? Where should we go on our honeymoon?

 

He was busy entertaining thoughts of honeymoon destinations when he heard her calling his name.   “Hey you, you were a million miles away. What were you thinking about?”

 

He leaped up off the futon and wrapped her in his arms. After a light kiss on the lips, “Sorry love……but Spoilers!” He begins to run as she tries to swat at him. He had quickly put distance between him and her on his way back to the house. When he turned to see where she was he tripped over his own feet and crashed to the ground. Before he had a chance to react Alex was hovering over him.

 

“Not fair using my line against me.” She poked him in the chest with her finger for emphasis.

 

“Sorry love but as soon as I can tell you you will be the first to know. I swear!” He crosses his heart to signify the importance of his promise.

 

She shakes her head at him. “It’s a good thing I love you.” She says before planting a kiss on him.

 

“A very good thing!” He says while pulling her fully into his arms and kissing her more thoroughly.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After he has decided he can think of nothing else but marrying Alex. It’s his own secret obsession. He wants to run out to buy a ring but stops himself. ‘What kind of ring would she like?’ While she is in the shower one morning he peruses her jewelry box to get a feel for her style in rings. It also occurs to him that since she has been wed before that he wants to be certain their ring doesn’t resemble any of her previous ones. After an exhaustive search of the Internet he can find no pictures of her wearing an engagement ring. ‘Is it possible that she has never had one before?’

 

Having already read every script on Alex’s desk she didn’t seem to mind when he took to surfing his phone while he posed. Without her even realizing it he had endless hours to search for the perfect ring.

 

He knew it had to be unique….it had to be Alex. While he was trying to narrow his choices down to no more than ten he realized that one of the websites had a store in the area. He smiled. He knew what he would be doing when Alex went to her audition tomorrow.

 

Armed with his choices catalogued on his phone he called for a taxi as soon as she left the house. The sales lady was extremely helpful and patient. She was able to show him most of his previous choices as well as others she thought were of similar styles that he liked. After nearly two hours he kept coming back to the first one he had looked at. It seemed to be the one and none of the others compared. This seemed right since no one could ever compare to Alex.

 

The ring wouldn’t be ready for a few days. That would give him time to plan how he was going to ask her. He thought about asking someone for advice but he didn’t know that many married men. He considered calling Steven but decided this needed to be words from his heart and not sound anything like the Doctor.

 

He wasn’t sure how he was going to contain his excitement the day he picked up the ring. Luckily Alex was running errands when he came home. He quickly made his way up the stairs to the bedroom wanting to hide it before she got back. Passing Salome’s room she was lying on her bed listening to some new pop group while surfing the Internet. To her surprise he flopped onto the bed next to her a grin spread wide on his face.

 

“Matty! You scared me!” She swatted at him in the same way her mother does.

 

“Sorry Poppet, I just wanted to show you something.”

 

Curiosity piqued, “What?”

 

“Um…well.” All of a sudden he thought of a million reasons why Salome would not want him to marry her mum and his throat went dry. “Um poppet, I think you already know that I love your mum.”

 

“Yeah, kinda picked up on that.” She bumped shoulders with him.

 

“Yeah!” His hands ran through his hair trying to calm his nerves. “Well, I got her something and I wanted to know what you thought.”

 

“Ok, what is it?”

 

He pulls out the black velvet box and places it on the bed between them. She stares at it for a moment before speaking.

 

“Is that a….?” She gestures towards the ring box.

 

“Yeah, it is.” He was starting to feel his confidence return knowing how much he wanted Alex to be his wife.

 

Her hand went to her lips trying to keep her composure. “You’re going to….?” Again she gestures towards the ring box.

 

“Yeah, what do you think about that idea?” If he was honest he had no confidence in that moment at all. He was scared to death of her answer.

 

“Oh Matty! I think it’s brilliant and about bloody time!” She throws her arms around him, tears already falling on her cheek. Not that he will ever admit this but his eyes got a little moist at that moment as well. “Can I….?” She again gestures toward the box.

 

“Yes! Absolutely!” He holds his breath as she pulls back the lid.

 

Her hand trembles as she looks at the ring. “Oh Matty! She is going to love this!”

 

“Are you sure?” He didn’t realize until that moment how much it mattered to him that Alex really love this ring. He looked over to Salome for confirmation that he had made the right choice.

 

“Oh yes! I really do. It looks so delicate and yet so strong and it’s quite unique.”

 

“Kinda describes your mum doesn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, yeah it does.” She closes the lid and hands it back to him. “I think you done good.”

 

“Thanks.” He blushes.

 

“Oh my god that means you’re going to be my step-father!”

 

The blush rises further on his cheeks. “Um, yeah. How do you feel about that?”

 

“Seriously?” She looks at him like how could you be so thick. Sheepishly he nods. “About bloody time!” She announces.

 

He laughs at her then gets a real serious look on his face. “Well as your future step-dad, I may need to ground you for the cursing.” He tries to keep up the serious face but fails spectacularly as they both begin to laugh. At that moment they hear Alex coming in the house.

 

He’s off the bed in a flash. “Quick go down and distract her while I put this somewhere she won’t find it.” She gives him a salute before bounding down the stairs.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	20. The Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I accidentally deleted chapter 20 trying to get the picture of the engagement ring to post. So I had to repost the chapter. I will try another way.

For days he has been thinking of the perfect way to propose. Every idea he has come up with he dismisses. Meanwhile Alex gets a call from Karen. She is back in LA and wants to get together. Alex says yes even before asking Matt. He is thrilled that he will be seeing her again so soon then he gets an idea. He texts her asking her to request that Alex come alone, a girls only night. He is planning something special and this will give him to time to prepare. He lets her know though that he needs her home by 8:00. Karen agrees but only after he promises to divulge all the details later. He raced around like a mad man getting everything in place before she got home. Karen texted him as they were leaving the restaurant and again when Alex dropped her off at her place.

 

She opens the front door a little after 8. “Darling, I’m h…..” The sight before her strikes her speechless. The lighting has been dimmed but she can see and smell the trail of rose petals laid out before her. A few steps in there is an envelope with Alex written on it, a heart drawn around her name. Her fingers trembling she pulls out his note. “ _Follow my heart. xxoo Matt_ ” She looks again and notices that interspersed with the rose petals are small hearts cut out in red, white, and pink.

 

Holding the note tightly in her hand she follows the path through the lounge, the kitchen, and out to the back garden. Beyond the patio the trail is illuminated with small candles dotting it making sure she can find her way. As she gets closer to the studio she hears a soft romantic instrumental being played over the speakers. When she sees him as she turns the corner she gasps. Her hand covers her lips while the other clutches his note.

 

He is wearing a black tux with tails, a white shirt with black buttons and a black bow tie. ‘Of course a bow tie’ she muses. He has a top hat perched on his head and he is kneeling on one knee. The look on his face can only be described as pure joy. Although if you ask him later he might admit to being nervous as hell.

 

Her mind races with the sight before her. It was easy to see where this was headed. She seemed to process her thoughts at record speed. ‘How would she respond?’ ‘What would her answer be?’ ‘Sure she loved him but marriage – her 3rd?’ It wouldn’t last long she knew no matter how they wished it would. At least his leaving wouldn’t be voluntary. ‘Did she want to be his widow?’ ‘Forever known as the woman who was married to Matt Smith when he died?’ She allowed her mind to stop at the woman who was married to Matt Smith. She wanted this – to be his wife – to make that commitment to him. All of that went through her mind before he even had asked the question.

 

Feeling confident about her answer she stepped closer to him, kneeling before him. Smiling a radiant smile he takes her hands in his. She mirrored his back. “Alexandra” he begins, “you are the light of my life, the reason I wake every morning. From the first time I saw you, your face has been imprinted within me.” He reaches up caressing her cheek. She turns to nuzzle into his palm. “Whenever I am having a bad day or things aren’t going my way all I have to do is picture your face and I am content. I can face anything knowing you are here with me. Alex I love you. I think I have always loved you. The first time I met you I think I already loved you. It was like my heart knew, it just had to find you. I am so glad I found you.” With both knees now down kneeling in front of her; he moves closer to her wrapping his arms around her waist. “I think you know what I’m about to say.” Her eyes twinkle at him. “You always seem to know me so well.” He takes a deep breath searching her eyes for some kind of confirmation. “Alex would you do me the honor of being my wife?” Her face lights up as she leans into him taking his lips in hers.

 

Pulling back to see his face as she finally answers him. “Yes!”

 

“Yes?”

 

She nods at him. “Yes, of course you daft man!” He pulls her into a tight embrace kissing every part of her face he can until he finds her lips and remains there like he could live there tasting her forever.

Abruptly he remembers about the ring and pulls away from her. His limbs flailing about as he removes the top hat from his head. Pulling the box from inside the hat, he tosses the hat aside. “Ok, last chance to run Kingston.” He’s almost teasing, almost afraid she’ll take him up on it. She’s still there. “Alex, please be mine?” He opens the box revealing the white gold ring sparkling with the solitaire diamond in the center. The ring is wrapped in what seems like vines, some plain, some encrusted with small diamonds.

 

“Oh Matt this is exquisite!” He takes it from the box as she gives him her trembling hand.

 

“It had to be unique……just like you!” He places the ring on her finger then brings her hand to his lips kissing her fingers reverently.

 

She can’t help herself she keeps staring at it, turning it as it catches the light in the studio. “You know I never had one before.”

 

“You never had an engagement ring before?” He is surprised.

 

“No, I haven’t.” Her eyes still mesmerized by how unique it is and that he would have picked it out just for her.

 

“I’m certainly glad I could be your first.” Sounding a bit chuffed.

 

She looks in his eyes, “and last.” He smiles at her leaning down to brush his lips over hers.

 

“I love you Alex forever and always.” His arms are around her waist holding her close.

 

“I love you absolutely Matt.” She pulls him to her holding him tight, her head resting on his shoulder, his leaning into her curls.

 

When he hears the beginning of ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’ he pulls back, looking into her eyes. “Dance with me Kingston?”

 

“Always.” Standing he pulls her up with him keeping her close. Resting against his chest he sways them to the song. Quietly just for her he sings along, “ _When a man loves a woman, he can't keep his mind on nothing else.”_

 

Her emotions are overwhelming her. She loves this man so much and he is so willing to give her everything…..and yet…… She does her best to push those thoughts from her mind focusing on right now. ‘We can be happy right now.’ It doesn’t stop the tear from falling onto her cheek. She actually can’t be sure if it is because of the happiness she feels right now or the sorrow she knows she will feel in the future.

 

As Matt was bringing the song to a close he couldn’t help be a bit dramatic. As he concluded with the lyrics _“Yes, when a man loves a woman I know exactly how he feels  
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world.”_ He pulled back his hands across his heart, falls to one knee and holds his arms out to her. She was giggling at him in that way that causes his heart to melt. He pulled her to him sitting her on his knee. That’s when he noticed her wet cheeks.

 

He rubs them dry with his thumbs. “Why are you crying Alex?”

 

“Oh it’s silly. I’m just so happy darling.” She smiles at him.

 

He grins back. “So humany wumany?”

 

She giggles again. “Yeah, something like that.”

 

Their lips graze gently against each others as they exchange breaths. He kisses her cheek, then her eyelids, kissing away the tears wanting her to feel the love he has for her. As their lips meet he scoops her up in his arms carrying her over to the futon laying her gently before him.

 

Their lovemaking is slow and deliberate. It is sweet and loving. Their lips intent on tasting all of each other – marking the other as mine. It is as if they have all the time in the world to lose themselves in each other. Time has no hold over them. Reaching their climax isn’t a destination but a slow delicious journey that they want to savor well into the night. When they have sated one another, they rest in each other’s arms knowing and understanding love in a way they have never before.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	21. Of Marriage and Weddings

“Good morning, the future Mrs. Smith.” He snakes his arms around her pulling her closer, nuzzling his face in her curls.

 

She smiles leaning back into him before turning in his arms. “Oi! I thought you were going to be the future Mr. Kingston?” She teases.

 

“I’ll be whatever you want love…..as long as it means I can hold you.” His fingertips trail across her bare back causing her to shiver. “and touch you.” His lips brush back and forth across her lips before gently kissing her good morning. “and kiss you each and everyday.”

 

Her smile is radiant as her own fingers skate down his back resting across his buttocks before she not so gently squeezes them. “I hope that wasn’t all you had planned for the day.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously at him.

 

“Oh no, Mrs. Smith that was only the beginning.” He rolls them so she is beneath him as he lavishes kisses down her neck.

 

“Looking forward to it Mr. Kingston.” It is far into the morning before they decide to venture from their bedroom.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They quickly began making plans. They weren’t sure where but they knew they wanted the when to be soon. They both wanted to have time to enjoy being married before….. well before. They decided to tell Karen the next day since she was heading out of town again. The Scottish screech could be heard for miles.

 

Alex was nervous about telling Salome. Matt assured her she would be fine with it but she wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t until after dinner that they all sat down in the lounge. Salome was looking over movie choices while Alex worried her bottom lip. “Salome could you come here? Matt and I have something to talk with you about.” Salome snuck a peek at Matt who tried to look innocent but could not pull that off. A small smile graced Salome’s face.

 

“Sure mum, what’s up?” She sat down on the floor cross-legged staring up at them.

 

“Um well Salome. You already know that Matt and I love each other.”

 

“Yeah.” She smiles nodding.

 

“Well…… we’ve decided to get married.” She pauses waiting for a reaction from Salome.

 

The teenager’s face sports an enormous smile. “Oh mum that is fantastic!” She jumps up giving her a hug winking at Matt over her shoulder. Stepping back she pulls her mum’s hand up. “Where’s the ring?”

 

“How did you know there was a ring?” She asks warily after catching a look between her and Matt.

 

“Well there has to be a ring doesn’t there? Don’t people get rings when their engaged?” She covered nicely.

 

“Well I didn’t get one when I was engaged to your father.”

 

“Really? Well no wonder things didn’t work out!” Matt couldn’t help snickering.

 

“Salome Violetta! That was a very unkind thing to say.”

 

Looking properly chastised, “Um sorry mum. Sometimes things pop out before I think them through.”

 

She pulls her into an embrace. “It’s ok. I think its part of being a teenager.” She pulls back and smiles at her. “Would you like to see the ring?”

 

She squeals, “Yes!”

 

Pulling it from her jeans pocket she places it back on her left hand holding it out for Salome to see. “Oh mummy that is beautiful!”

 

Looking over to Matt, “You did good Matty!” He beams at her before she throws herself into his arms hugging him tight.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

At lunch the next day Matt is looking rather nervous. Alex keeps an eye on him trying to determine what is the matter with him. When she can’t take it any longer she has to ask. “Matt what’s going on with you today?”

 

“Huh? What?” His thoughts were obviously far, far away.

 

“Darling what are you thinking about?”

 

“Um well…..I need to call my parents….to tell them were engaged.”

 

By the look on his face she assumes they will object. Leaning closer to him she asks, “So what do you think they’ll say?”

 

“Well mum was thrilled that I was coming over here to tell you how I felt.” He still looked hesitant.

 

“But?”

 

“But I’m worried that she is going to question why we are in such a hurry. I can’t lie to my mum; she sees right through me. I don’t want to have to tell her about…..”

 

She wraps her arms around him. “Oh darling.” Coming around him she sits in his lap. “Well we will just have to convince her that we have waited long enough and can’t wait any longer to be married.” She presses soft kisses to his lips.

 

Smiling back at her, “That should be easy since that’s absolutely true!” His arms around her his lips on hers they are perfectly content.

 

He was right about his parents. They were happy for them. He even managed to persuade them that getting married in a hurry had to do with their schedules and not wanting to wait any longer. Since it was fairly close to the truth Matt didn’t have any problem convincing his mum. He never had a chance to tell his sister as his mum had called her immediately after talking to him. Laura called him with congratulations and teased him mercilessly for not letting her know earlier.

 

Alex’s parents were a bit more hesitant. They questioned her involvement with someone so much younger than her. Bless them they worried about her, she didn’t always trust her heart to the right man. Matt assured her that when they came for the wedding, that he would prove to them how much he loved her.

 

They should have known that Karen would have told Arthur. He already knew when they called him but he was happy to give them his congratulations as well. Matt did surprise Arthur by asking him to be his Best Man, responding with “I would be honored to stand up for you and my daughter.

 

Moffat just chuckled when they called him. He was insufferable with his “I knew all along you two would end up together”.   They allowed him that since he was responsible for them both working together in the first place.

 

Later that day George called to see if they wanted to have dinner at the beach sometime soon. He congratulated them after Alex shared with him their news. He then totally surprised them with an offer to have the wedding at his beach house. When she and Matt talked about it they couldn’t think of a better place than at “their beach”.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Things are falling into place. They have an idea when, not an exact date yet, but they have a lot of friends and families schedules to coordinate. They have a where, thanks to George. Now they must take care of the other necessities. Next order of business: Alex needs a dress. As luck would have it Karen has carved out two days from her busy schedule to be there to help Alex choose a dress. Salome is beside herself that her and Karen get that special privilege.   Alex silently wished that her sister could be there as well but her own family needed her. She had to be content with her coming for the wedding.

 

Shopping always gets Karen excited and today’s shopping has her absolutely giddy. She is ringing the doorbell with gusto a bit after nine. Matt leaps up from the breakfast table to let her in. “Kazza!” He announces as he opens the door.

 

She squeals leaping to give him a hug. “I can’t believe you and Alex are getting married. This is so exciting!”

 

Holding her a little tighter he is happy to have his friend near. He tells her it is to calm her down but he too is a bit excited that he is marrying Alex.

 

Pulling back from him, “So….. where is the bride? We’ve got important shopping to do!”

 

“Almost ready Karen.” They hear from somewhere upstairs.

 

He ushers her into the kitchen. “We were just finishing up breakfast. Would you like tea?” He gets a cup from the cupboard without waiting for an answer. “Alex made scones – you have to try one!”

 

He turns to hand her her tea but she’s too busy laughing at him. “What?” Looking genuinely confused.

 

“You! You’re all domestic. Alex has house trained you quite well.” She takes the tea while he looks at her with a startled expression.

 

“I’ll have you know I was plenty domestic on my own. It’s not like I haven’t made you loads of tea before!”

 

“Oh yes, so true. My fault…you were always domestic.” She’s still smirking at him.

 

“Shut up moonface!”

 

She starts to say something when Alex enters the kitchen. “Alex!” Karen jumps up and down nearly spilling her tea before setting it down launching herself at Alex. “I am so happy for you two.

 

Within minutes they are out the door on their most important quest…find Alex a wedding dress. Even Salome is awake, excited, and sociable. Alex considers it a minor miracle. She is grateful for the presence of Karen not only to motivate Salome but to calm her own nerves as well.

 

They enter the bridal boutique close to ten. They are greeted by a model thin dark haired Asian woman who looked to be in her mid thirties. “Well hello. Welcome to _Beautiful Bride_.” Looking at Alex she continued. “You must be here for a gown for your daughter.” The words cut Alex like a knife. As if she was too old for a wedding gown for herself.

 

Before Alex could respond, Karen jumped in. “Yes, I am. I am here to help my _daughter_ pick out the perfect wedding gown!” She gushed as she wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulder hugging into her.

 

The attendant looked confused looking over to Salome who was busy updating her Facebook page on her iPhone. Karen followed her gaze relishing in the woman’s confusion. “So daughter.” She looked at Alex. “Let’s find you the perfect dress!”

 

Playing along Alex smiled back at Karen, “Thank you mummy.” They both turned to face the attendant who seemed unsure of how to proceed. Karen stifled a chuckle and Alex poked her with her elbow.

 

Coming back to her senses she began to ask them questions so she could determine what kind of dresses she should present to them.

 

“So let me get this straight you are having an informal ceremony, on a beach, in about four weeks?”

 

“Yes, is that a problem?” She could tell by the tone of the attendant that it was definitely a problem.

 

“Well…um most dresses need to be order six months in advance.” Both Alex and Karen had shocked looks on their faces.

 

“Six months!” Alex thought about what else that time frame meant to her.

 

“Oh!” Is all Karen could say looking rather crestfallen.

 

Being the consummate professional and not wanting to lose a sale the attendant piped up with, “Now don’t panic. It just means we had to be more creative…..and we won’t have as wide a range of dresses to choose from.”

 

Karen began to think about how long it took Alex to decide on a meal with a large menu and began to chuckle. “You know with as long as it takes you to decide on anything that might actually be a good thing!” She bumped Alex’s shoulder.

 

“Oi! I resent that!” Alex bantered back.

 

“No actually mum you meant you _represent_ that!” Salome finally chimed in.

 

“Ooh good one!” Karen turned to high-five her.

 

Shaking her head she turns back to the attendant. “So what are our options?”

 

“Well any of the sample dresses are available as long as they are your size, as well as any dresses we have that weren’t picked up. That still gives us lots of options. So tell me a bit more of what you have in mind.”

 

Alex’s mind races at the thought of actually picking out a wedding gown….. to marry Matt. She never thought she would be here again……her third wedding. Twisting the hem of her blouse, “Well this isn’t my first wedding, not even my second.” She looks over to Salome who smiles back at her. “So I think white is definitely out. We want the wedding to be fun and informal. I mean were marrying on a beach for goodness sake. So I think the dress should be fun and flowy and something not too over the top for the beach.”

 

The attendant is taking careful notes. “Good, good. This gives me a lot to go on. It certainly eliminates quite a few that is for sure. Ok, so before I go make some selections can I get you anything while you wait? Champagne? Wine? Soda?”

 

“Champagne for me!” Quickly answered the red-headed Scot.

 

Alex looked over to her before stating, “For me as well.”

 

“May I have a ginger-ale with a twist of lime?” Salome asked politely.

 

The attendant came back quickly with their drinks before she headed behind the heavily wooded door to find the perfect dress. She brought Salome’s drink in a champagne glass as well helping her feel less like a child. Karen insisted on a toast. “To Alex and Matt…..may they always be as happy as they are at this moment in time!” They clinked their glasses together before sipping their drinks. Alex turned away from them quickly, covertly wiping away the tears in her eyes.

 

When the attendant returned she had her arms full of dresses. Upon presenting each one to them they had eliminated all but three of them. Alex was grateful that Karen and Salome were with her making the decisions easier.

 

The first dress Alex tried on had a light blue shimmer fabric over a silver base. It was rather form fitting. Although Alex loved the dress, it didn’t look right with her curvy figure. The second dress hugged her curves in all the right places. She admired her figure in the three way mirror. Although she liked the dress there was something about it that said it wasn’t the right one. She just couldn’t put her finger on what that was.

 

When she put on the third dress it was like it was made for her. The champagne colored under gown hugged her curves accenting them deliciously. The back was low creating a dramatic effect. It had a deep neckline showing just enough cleavage with delicate cap-sleeves trimmed with sparkling lace over her shoulders. The tulle overlay covered the entire gown. It had intricate beaded metallic embroidery with twinkling Swarovski crystals. The fabric pooled onto the floor in the back until the attendant fanned it out showing the small train.

 

Her hands smoothed down the bodice as she turned to look at it from every angle. Without thinking she began to sway back and forth as if she could hear the band playing.

 

“Oh Alex! I think that’s the one!” Karen was standing there in awe of how gorgeous her friend looked at this moment.

 

“Absolutely mum! Matt is going to faint when he sees you in this dress!” Salome gushes.

 

She barely heard them as she felt Matt’s hands around her waist swaying with her to the music, that only she heard.

 

“Alex! Alex!” Karen was waving her hand in front of her face. Finally Alex looked at her. “Where’d you go?”

 

The blush ran from her chest all the way up her face. “Oh just thinking about dancing with Matt.”

 

Karen started to say something about how she hoped that wasn’t a euphemism when she remembered Salome was here. “So this must be the one if you can picture yourself at your wedding in it, eh?”

 

Taking another look in the mirrors, “Yes, I think it is!”

 

Salome sighed dramatically in her chair, “Oh thank God!”

 

Alex whipped around to look at her daughter. “What?!?”

 

“I am just thrilled that you found the one so soon. I was afraid it was going to take weeks, with you dragging me to every bridal shop in LA.”

 

Alex looked back to the mirror now not as sure. “Well it was only the third dress I tried on, maybe we should keep looking.”

 

“No!” Both Karen and Salome shouted together. Salome came over to her mum looking at her in the mirror. “Mum you look gorgeous. Matt is going to love you in it. I don’t think you are going to find one you like better.”

 

“Really?” She turned to her daughter.

 

“Really mum! I promise this is the dress.”

 

Catching herself in the mirror again she couldn’t help but feel twenty years younger. The person radiating back at her in the mirror looked like the person she remembered before all of the heartache etched lines onto her. Turning to the attendant, “I think this is the one.”

 

“You look absolutely stunning in it.” Let me bring out the seamstress to see if you require any alterations.” Always the salesperson she then asks, “So what about your bridesmaids? Do you have anything in mind for them?”

 

Thoughtfully Alex looks over to Karen. “You know I think that first dress would look gorgeous on you Karen.”

 

“On me? I’m not getting married. No..no..no.” Her head shook back and forth along with her hands to fully emphasize her point.

 

She smiled. Oh Karen protests way too much. “I know Karen but it’s not really a wedding dress. When you get married I am sure you will be wearing a beautiful white wedding dress. But that dress…” She points to the silver body hugging dress with the blue overlay. “That dress was made for your body. Go try it on.”

 

Karen’s eyes followed Alex’s gaze to the dress hanging next to the mirror. It was rather beautiful. “Ok.” The attendant takes her to the dressing room to try it on.

 

Alex steps down to where her daughter sits. “So sweetheart what kind of dress would you like to have?”

 

“Oh I don’t know mummy, something pretty.” Then she catches sight of Karen emerging from the dressing room. “Something that makes me look like that!” She points to Karen.

 

Turning to look at Karen she is stunned by her beauty. She was right the dress was made for her. Her long legs extend the dress in a way Alex’s did not. The periwinkle see through shimmery fabric was a lovely backdrop for her long red tresses. “Oh Karen…that is exquisite on you. You’re going to be the most beautiful maid of honor ever.”

 

Turning quickly to look at Alex, “Maid of honor? You want me to be your maid of honor?”

 

“Oops! Did I forget to mention that?” Karen nodded. “Um sorry. Well would you consent to be my maid of honor? Please?”

 

There were tears in Karen’s eyes. “Really? Cause I assumed you would want Nicola.”

 

Stepping back up onto the platform she takes Karen’s hands in hers. “Karen, Nicola will still be there but I would like you to be my maid of honor. You have been beside Matt and I from the beginning even when we were all just friends.”

 

Karen nods, tears streaming down her cheeks. She is about to hug Alex when the attendant clears her throat. Looking over to her she says. “Best not get makeup on the bride just yet.” They both nod in agreement.

 

“Well we just need to get something for you Salome, and Nicola.”

 

“I don’t think we will be able to match that dress.” Pointing to Karen’s. “But I think I may have some that have similar colorings or styles. Would you like me to bring some out?”

 

“Yes, that would be lovely.”

 

“In the meantime the seamstress can check you both for any alterations and help you out of your gowns. Be back soon.” She disappears behind the heavily wooded door again. Apparently that is where her magic closet of dresses are hidden.

 

Before they leave the shop Salome has chosen her gown, a shimmery silver gown that made Alex cry when she saw how grown up her daughter looked in it. They had also chosen one for Nicola, although Alex would wait for her final approval before considering it a done deal. All in all an amazing day and they have completed their mission in a little over four hours.

 

“Well, I don’t know about you ladies but I’m starving. Let’s go somewhere for lunch?” Karen has an arm around both Alex and Salome.

 

“Oh definitely, my treat. I know just where I want to go!” Alex leads them to her car.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Looking for wedding bands proved to be a much more difficult task than selecting her wedding dress. Every band she tried on with her very unique engagement ring didn’t seem to work. It was either too bulking or just completely took away from the beauty of the ring.

 

In the end they decided on a set of matching his/her wedding bands. The bands of white gold looked like two bands interlaced into one. The one band plain, while the other a band of diamonds. There would be no doubt that they belong to one another. She will then wear her engagement ring on her right hand after the wedding and the wedding band on her left.

 

With the important things in place; it was time to choose a date. Choosing a date meant coordinating her family, his family, Karen, Arthur, Moffat, and even George’s schedules to find a mutually agreeable group of days. Since most everyone was traveling from the UK they would want to spend more than a day or two before heading back.

 

Karen’s schedule was tight but she had the least distance to travel since she would be somewhere in the U.S. Arthur didn’t seem to have any work commitments in the coming weeks so he was also flexible. Moffat had planned on combining the trip with work commitments that he and Sue had on the West Coast. He needed them to settle on a date so he could work around it.

 

Alex’s parents are retired so their time is pretty flexible. They would only need to make arrangements for Suzy while they were gone. Suzy wasn’t up for traveling such long distances. Nicola had to work around her boys’ schedules but surprisingly her husband was able to join her on this trip. He hadn’t been to the States in years. The boys were going to stay at his sister’s while they were away.

 

Matt’s parents told him they could work around any schedule with enough notice. They were going to be able to come a few days before the ceremony. He was ecstatic. They really hadn’t gotten to know Alex except to say hi. He was hoping Alex and his mum could become friends. Laura’s schedule was pretty tight. She was sad that she would probably only get to be there for the day of the wedding but Matt was just glad she could make it.

 

With everything falling into place they set a date. With the email invites sent to all whom they wanted to be there they sat back smiling at each other. He poured them each a glass of champagne. “To the most beautiful woman in the entire Universe. I am eternally grateful that you have consented to be my wife. I love you with everything Alex.”

 

“and I you.” They clinked their glasses before sipping the bubbly wine. He took her glass placing it beside his on the nearby table and lean into her to capture her lips with his. She tasted of champagne, and love, and Alex…..his favorite taste in the world.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the dress I was trying to describe: Maggie Sottero Wedding Dresses - Style Tuscany 4MK792. I am sure I did not do it justice as it is exquisite and really would look gorgeous on Alex.


	22. Second Opinion?

It’s been a little over eight weeks since he first arrived on Alex’s doorstep. So much has occurred in such a short time. It has been a whirlwind with him declaring his love for her and her for him. Finally being able to show each other how much they love one another. Jetting off to New York for a week. Settling into family life with Salome. Matt popping the question and Alex accepting. And then there is the wedding; there is a lot to do in planning a wedding.

 

With so much going on he hasn’t been thinking too much about his illness except twice a day when he is reminded to take his medication. It’s at this time that he makes a discovery. He’s almost out of pills. “Alex, do you have my other pill bottle in your purse?” He calls out to her as he walks through the house.

 

“What’s that darling?” She asks while drying her hands on the kitchen towel.

 

“My other pill bottle? Is it in your purse?”

 

“Yeah, I think so. Why?” She heads over to the table in the foyer where she dropped it upon coming home. “Here they are.” She hands them to him.

 

Looking inside he sighs. “I’m going to need a refill soon. Where is there a chemist?”

 

“Oh darling, I don’t think you’re going to be able to get that filled here. My experience is that UK doctors can’t prescribe in the U.S.”

 

“What? Really?? I hadn’t thought of that. Well can we try? They may at least be able to give us options.”

 

She takes him to the local chemist only to have her theory confirmed. His doctor does not have authorization to prescribe in the United States so they cannot refill the prescription. He then calls his doctor back in the UK to see if they can send him a refill. That is also not an option. His doctor recommends either returning to the UK where he can then refill the prescription or consult with an American doctor. He points out that a second opinion would be a good option.

 

He doesn’t really want to leave Alex to go back to the UK. When he discusses his options with her she is adamant that he seek out a second opinion. “Honestly darling, I can’t believe we haven’t already done this.” From the list of doctors in California who are blood specialists they choose Dr. Hugh Casita at the UCLA Medical Center. He amazingly has an opening at the end of the week due to a cancellation.

 

After they meet with the doctor he is sent off for a series of tests. In addition to the massive amounts of blood they need to draw, they also have him do a full body scan, and an MRI. After a full day of testing he is exhausted and goes home straight to bed sleeping until the next day. He is quite upset when two days later they call to ask him to come back in to do all of the tests a second time. The person on the phone doesn’t seem to have an answer to his question why except that there was some type of glitch with the first batch of tests.

 

By the time he is called in to hear the results of the testing it has been nearly a week and he only has two doses of his medication left. He is glad that Alex is with him this time and holds her hand as they wait in the waiting room. His thumb absentmindedly rubs her engagement ring back and forth over her finger.

 

The nurse calls him in escorting them to the doctor’s office not a patient room. He can’t help but remember the last time he was escorted to a doctor’s office and how that turned out. His hold on Alex’s hand becomes tighter. “Hello I’m Dr. Casita.” He extends his hand to Alex.

 

“I’m Alex, Matt’s fiancée.”

 

“Very nice to meet you.” He then extends his hand to Matt. “Nice to see you again as well.” The doctor gestures for them to take a seat as he goes to sit behind his desk. He pulls out an already thick folder, presumably with his test results in it.

 

“Mr. Smith…”

 

“Matt, please.”

 

“Ok Matt, as you know we asked you to come back in to do a duplicate set of tests.” He nods towards the doctor. “I am sure you are wondering why.”

 

He looks over to Alex, she smiles back at him trying hard to hide her nerves. “Yes, we were wondering why that was necessary.”

 

“Well you see we had to be sure, absolutely sure before we proceeded.”

 

“Absolutely sure about what?”

 

“I’ll get to that.

 

“Matt, we ran a number of blood panels that gave us a lot of data about what is and is not in your blood. We have compared those to your original results from your tests back in the UK. All of the tests you have taken this week show vastly different results that those you took several months ago.”

 

Alex grips his hand tighter. “Does that mean that the disease has progressed faster than expected?”

 

“No, it means the exact opposite. We can only find trace amounts of the disease in his blood.”

 

Matt looks at her and she looks at Matt. “Could your new age stuff actually be working?” He dared to ask. She nervously smiled back at him not sure what to believe at this point. They both turned back to the doctor for answers.

 

“So it seems that I am being cured? Matt asks hesitantly.

 

“No, that’s just it. We’re not sure if you ever had the disease.”

 

Matt’s mouth falls open as Alex leans back in the chair trying to process this latest information. “Wait…..what? How can that be? My doctor in the UK was so sure. He said he ran the tests a couple of times.” He looks over to the doctor for explanation.

 

“Yes, I know. I have talked with him and gone over our findings. He faxed me your records and the results of your tests over there. We have not been able to come up with an explanation.”

 

“But wait….” Alex interjected. “You said there were trace amounts of the disease still present in his blood. If he never had it why would there be trace amounts?”

 

The doctor sighed. “The medication that he was taking has trace amounts of the disease in it. It was what produced the counteragent in his blood for the disease. Since your blood didn’t need the counteragent, the medication actually produced symptoms in the body.”

 

Matt’s head was swimming. Could he even hope that this could be true? “But what about when I didn’t take it as directed? I would get horrible headaches and pains.”

 

“What you were experiencing wasn’t the disease but actually withdrawal from the medication. This is an extremely strong drug and would typically only be used by terminal patients. Unfortunately we are going to need to ween you off of the drug and then do additional testing to determine if our theory is correct.”

 

“Your theory?” He questions.

 

“Yes, that you never had the disease in the first place.”

 

Matt spends several minutes looking over to Alex. She is managing quite unsuccessfully to hold back her tears. They both aren’t sure what to say. Do they dare hope?

 

Dr. Casita continued with what their next step would need to be. “As I said the drug you have been taking is extremely strong and weening you off of it will produce very unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. I would like to admit you to a treatment center where they can monitor you during the process of detox.”

 

Alex spoke up, “Do you mean like a drug treatment center?”

 

“Yes.”

 

She looks over to Matt and then back to the doctor. “Can’t he do detox at home?”

 

“Drug withdrawal is difficult. It’s not something you are going to want to see.”

 

“Well excuse me doctor but that is for me to decide.”

 

“Alex…” Matt tries to calm her.

 

“No, Matt I don’t want some stranger taking care of you. Besides have you thought about how this will be perceived when the press finds out you’re in a drug treatment program? They’ll have a field day.”

 

He hadn’t thought about that but she was right the press would have him labeled as a drug user in no time. Holding her hand tightly he looks over to the doctor. “I think I would prefer to detox as you call it at home.”

 

The doctor sighed. “This is not advisable. A treatment center is better equipped to handle your needs.”

 

Matt looked over to Alex and smiled. “She is best equipped to handle my needs.” She beamed back at him.

 

“Ok, if you insist but only with a drug rehab nurse there for the first 48 hours monitoring your blood pressure, fluid intact/outtake, and your heart rate. If any of those get outside of the acceptable range they will be instructed to get you to a hospital. Are you willing to accept those terms?”

 

Matt looks to Alex for assurance. When she gives it, he lets the doctor know they will follow his instructions to the letter as long as he can be at home.

 

They agree to return in two weeks after his body has detoxed from the medication and retest him to be certain of the results. They leave the hospital in a daze. Not sure whether they dare believe this to be the truth but for the first time in over two months – they have hope.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *For those of you who kept asking ~ look up synonyms for casita. I think you will see I fulfilled your wish.


	23. Do We Dare Hope?

The drive back to Alex’s home was utterly silent. Matt’s head was swimming with the possibility of not dying. Did he dare get his hopes up that this could be true? Alex was wrestling with her own emotions as she was trying to concentrate enough on the road so that him not dying didn’t become a mute point. She wanted to embrace this as good news but was cautiously afraid. What if it was this doctor that was wrong? She wasn’t sure she could survive allowing hope to fill her only to have it taken away.

 

She pulled into the driveway and shut off the car. They both sat there not moving to get out. Finally he looked her way. Feeling his eyes on her, she looked in his direction. A small smile crept onto his face and despite herself on hers as well. “Do you think it can be true?” His voice almost a whisper like he was making a wish…… well I suppose he was.

 

Her smile goes wider as her eyes sparkle at him. “It _would be_ a dream come true, an answer to all my prayers.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Since he only has two doses of the medication left detox will need to begin soon. They had decided to hold off until the morning to begin. Arrangements have been made for a drug rehab nurse to arrive at Alex’s at nine the next morning. Alex explains to Salome that Matt is going to need his privacy while he withdrawals from a strong medication that he has been taking. Salome agrees to go to her dad’s for the remainder of the week.

 

Matt is grateful to have the evening with his family. The three of them piled on the sofa watching an old James Bond flick. The girls let him pick tonight, although Alex seems to have a bit of a thing for Roger Moore. He hasn’t felt this loved since he was a little kid cuddled up with his parents on their sofa. He looks over at the two of them and smiles…..his family. ‘God I hope, I really do, that this doctor is right and that I can be with them for a very long time.’

 

When the movie ends, Salome puts the DVD away before coming over to sit next to him. “Matty, I hope that things go well for you this week. I’ll be thinking of you.” She hugs him a little tighter than usual.

 

“Thank you poppet.” He bops her nose as she releases her grip on him. “See you next week.” She kisses her mum before heading up to bed.

 

He lays his head down on Alex’s lap letting her pet his hair. He doesn’t want to admit how scared he is about what he is going to have to go through this week. Trying to focus on the possibility that it could mean he is not dying gives him some courage.

 

Her hands weave through his hair soothing him. Without thinking about it she first starts to hum, then sing the ‘Coventry Carol’ that she had recorded so very long ago. He closes his eyes comforted in the sound of her voice and the memory of how it saved him long ago when sleep had alluded him. It isn’t long before he is nearly asleep. She nudges him waking him enough for him to lie down in their bed before he falls into a deep slumber knowing she will be next to him always.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She wakes to his lips placing kisses on her shoulder, nudging her hair aside to kiss her neck, nibbling on her earlobe. “Hmmm….good morning darling.” She turns to face him seeing the love he has for her reflected in his eyes. Smiling she pulls him closer to kiss him thoroughly. “Hmmm…. I love you.”

 

He’s watching her now, tracing her face with his fingertips stopping occasionally to tug on a curl. “Oh I love you too Kingston….always.” He leans down kissing her with a passion, a want, a need. He doesn’t know how this will all turn out but he needs her to know that no matter what he loves her….always and completely.

 

As they lie in each others arms utterly sated from their slow, passionate lovemaking he can’t help but remember last night. Remembering how her holding him and singing to him made him feel completely safe in her arms. “Alex, how did you know?” He asks while his hands lazily stroke up and down her arm.

 

She’s a little confused as to what he is talking about. “How did I know what?”

 

He turns so he can see her face. “How did you know about the ‘Coventry Carol’?”

 

Her face turns red. “Oh God, I did sing that to you last night didn’t I?” She tries to hide her face in his chest.

 

“Why are you hiding?” He strokes her cheek, prodding her chin to look up at him again.

 

“I don’t know what made me think of that song. I just started singing it to you….ahhh I have a horrible singing voice.” She flings herself at his chest again.

 

He’s laughing at her now. “Alex love…look at me.” Slowly her eyes meet his. “First of all you have a beautiful singing voice.” She begins to laugh. “You do….now stop it. I love your voice. Can I tell you a secret?”

 

“Of course darling.”

 

“I thought maybe you already knew but from this conversation I’m guessing you don’t so here goes. I used to fall asleep to you singing to me.”

 

“What??” Confusion and disbelief cross her face.

 

It was his turn to go red. “Remember when I was having all that trouble sleeping during series 6?” She nods. “Well I came across a video of you singing the ‘Coventry Carol’ on YouTube. I downloaded it onto my iPod and would play it on repeat so I could fall asleep.”

 

“Are you serious?” She’s not quite believing him.

 

Embarrassed, “Yes….Karen didn’t tell you?”

 

“Karen?”

 

“Yeah, she caught me listening to you on the van driving out to location in Utah. She really didn’t tell you?”

 

She’s shaking her head. “No, I had no idea. Darling, that was six years ago?”

 

He turns them so he is laying more on top of her. “I’ve told you I’ve had a thing for you for a very long time.” He begins kissing across her clavicle moving down to her chest. “I’ve always had a thing for you.” His eyes are dark and his lips don’t stop there continuing to taste each morsel of her skin before their coupling sends waves through both of them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I borrowed the Coventry Carol storyline idea from The_Doctors_Song’s story Matt’s Sleeping Secret. I hope you don’t mind.


	24. Detox

This day needs to get started whether either of them are ready to face it. With only one dose of medication left the most he would be able to postpone the evitable would be another 12 hours. He heads to the shower while Alex has the difficult task of waking Salome. He is just getting out of the shower when she comes into the washroom a bit agitated. “Good God! I think it would be easier to wake dead people….at least they’d be quieter about it!” She huffs.

 

“Sorry love….maybe I should have woken her since this is all my fault.”

 

“Oh sure now you offer!” She playfully swats at him. “And this is not your fault….any of it so get that out of your head now, ok?” He nods. Rising on her tiptoes she gives him a kiss before disrobing and heading into the shower. He can’t stop his eyes from watching her. They have been together nearly two and half months, they are engaged to be married, and he still can’t stop himself from looking at her whenever an opportunity presents itself.

 

After breakfast she drives Salome over to her dad’s while he busies himself with washing the dishes. He can’t help but to watch the clock. As the minutes tick closer to nine he becomes more anxious. When the doorbell finally rings he nearly drops the plate he was washing.

 

Going to the door he is greeted by a young man about mid twenties, well built, sporting a bit of scruff around his chin. He is wearing blue scrubs and carrying a bag loaded down with medical equipment. Matt couldn’t help but be reminded of Rory in that moment. “Hi there John Mercer. I’m the registered drug rehab nurse you requested.”

 

“Yes, yes come in.” Matt held the door open so he could pass with his bag of equipment. He put it on the floor near the door.

 

“Before we get setup, I wanted to go over your medical history and records to be sure I have everything I need.”

 

“Yes, of course. Can I make you some tea?” Matt heads towards the kitchen.

 

“No thank you but go ahead for yourself if you like. I’ll just wait for you at the table.”

 

“Can I get you something else? Water? Juice?” Sensing he wasn’t going to let up he settled on water.

 

Just as they were sitting down to go over the files Alex walked in. “John this is my fiancée Alex; Alex this is John Mercer, the registered drug rehab nurse.”

 

Pleasantries out of the way they go over his medical records, tests, and the expected side effects of withdrawal from this particularly type of medication. He reminds them that if at any time he deems it medically unsafe to continue this at home he will call for an ambulance to take him to the drug treatment facility. They nod in understanding.

 

“Your next dosage should be at what time?”

 

“Half nine.”

 

Seeing the confusion on John’s face Alex interrupts. “He means 9:30. Sorry.”

 

“No problem. I might get to learn a bit of British while I am here.” They laugh trying to cover up their nervousness. “So where should I set up?”

 

She leads him up to their bedroom. He hesitates. “Um, do you have a guest room?”

 

“Oh yes, I am sure you would like a place for your things.” She turns in the direction of the guest room.

 

“No actually I was thinking it would be better to set up in the guest room instead of the master bedroom.” When her face looks questioning at him he replies. “These aren’t memories you want in your own bedroom.” She nods silently while showing him where the guest room is. He seemed pleased that it had an ensuite bath as well.

 

He sits Matt down on the bed checking his blood pressure, heart rate, and other vitals keeping careful records. “You don’t need to stay in here for the time being. Go about your morning until you start to feel the headache and pains then we can settle you in. I’ll check with you each hour to see how you are doing.”

 

They left John to finish setting up while Alex took Matt’s hand leading him to the garden. Walking slowly around it she tried distracting him by chattering on about the different kinds of flowers, when she planted them, when they bloom and a whole lot of other things that Matt really didn’t want to know. He loves the distraction though, he loves her.

 

The beginnings of the headache starts about an hour after missing his dosage, the twinging pains begin about an hour after that. By noon he is lying in the bed in the guest room holding his head willing the pain to go away.

 

John had completed preparations while they were in the garden. The windows were covered to minimize light, a soft glowing lamp was positioned away from the bed. Alex noticed that the night stand and dresser were bare of any objects that had once been there. John let her know they were in the closet. “It’s best to have less objects to be thrown or broken.” He explained.

 

Alex was beginning to worry that they had made the wrong decision, would a treatment center have been the right choice. “Alex” She was brought out of her thoughts by Matt’s need for her.

 

“Yes darling?” He reaches out to her grasping her hand.

 

“Head hurts! Tell me a story.” She sits on the bed resting against the headboard; he lays in her lap so she can gently run her fingers through his hair. She tells him the story of a lonely lady who found her handsome prince while pretending to be a time traveling psychopath.

 

The distraction of her storytelling only worked for a short while. Soon the pain became too intense along with a fever. As his fever rose he began to have hallucinations. By his side she changed the cool cloth on his forehead and around his neck every fifteen minutes cooing at him trying her best to will away the pain for him.

 

Soon that wasn’t enough and he started to lash out at her, yelling nonsense. It was at that point that John asked her to leave. “Look I know you don’t want to leave him but he will never forgive himself if he hurts you. He doesn’t know what he is doing right now. Drug withdrawal is nasty business. That’s why I’m here. I’ll call for you when it is safe to return.” Looking down at Matt he is unrecognizable to her and somehow in the preceding eight hours she has come to trust John; she decides to take his advice.

 

Closing the door behind her she leans against it listening to the love of her life in complete agony. She slides down sitting on the floor her back against the door. This is as far as she can go. She can’t leave him but John was right; he would never forgive himself if he hurt her.

 

Through the door she can still hear his ramblings, the obvious pain that he is in, and later his fighting to leave the room being held back only by John. Her heart breaks for him. Maybe they were right. This isn’t something she should witness.

 

Sitting there she can’t help but think about the possibility that his original diagnosis was wrong….that he was going to live. She smiles at that thought. That all that he is going through now will be worth it if he has a long life ahead of him. Running her hands through her hair she realizes how tired she is.   It’s only been twelve hours. The doctor said that the first forty-eight would be the worst.

 

Willing herself off the floor she went down to the kitchen to make tea and something for supper. She made sandwiches for herself and John. Matt wouldn’t be ready for a meal for a while yet. In the meantime he was being fed with an IV drip.

 

Knocking on the door first, she slipped inside the room holding a plate and a soda for John. Matt was dripping in sweat thrashing about obviously in a great deal of pain. Even the faint smell of food caused his body to react immediately retching into the bucket set up on the side of the bed. John nodded a thank you for the food pointing to the dresser furthest away from the bed. Putting it down he then silently indicated that she should leave, also suggesting she go rest herself. Her stomach was in knots seeing him suffering and not be able to do anything about it. She nodded in agreement to John before slipping back out the door.

 

Shuffling to her own room she readied herself for bed. Slipping under the sheets she realized that this is the first time since he arrived on her doorstep that she would be sleeping alone. Pulling his pillow to her she drank in the lingering smell of him. Despite her own exhaustion she could not sleep. She missed his arms around her, the way he seemed to take up the entire bed but always managed to hold her close. She missed his breath against her neck, the way she matched the rhythm of his breathing to hers as they fell asleep together. She missed him. Then she felt guilty for thinking of herself when he was down the hall going through hell. Needless to say she got little rest that night as well.

 

As the sun began to rise she gave up on sleep putting on a pair of joggers and a tshirt after a quick morning routine. She wrapped her worn comfortable jumper around her as she walked the hallway. She was anxious to check on Matt. When she slipped in she was surprised to see him sleeping, not very restful, but sleeping none the same. John came over to the door speaking in hushed tones. “He fell asleep about a half hour ago. He probably won’t be asleep long. If you would like to sit with him I wouldn’t mind taking a break.”

 

“Of course. Have you been up all night?”

 

“Nearly, but I’m used to these kinds of hours. I just want to stretch my legs. Here.” He hands her a small plastic device with a large red button in the middle. “If you need me don’t hesitate to press this. I’ll be here in a flash.” With that he heads out of the room.

 

Sliding the device in her pocket she moves to the chair next to the bed. She desperately wants to touch him, run her fingers through his hair, caresses his cheek but she knows if she does he will awaken. As unrestful as his sleep looks she knows it is better than him having to be awake for what he is going through.

 

Watching him her heart aches for him. She tries to focus on the possibility of him having a future….a real future of more than a few months. What will he want to do? Probably take on bigger roles now that he is getting noticed by the likes of Peter Jackson. Of course that will mean they will have to be apart maybe for months at a time. Will they survive living on different continents again? Will they survive? She can’t help the thought from circling in her brain. It was one thing when they knew they only had a few months to be together but will they be able to make it with years ahead of them? Her eyes focus on his sleeping face and her heart reminds her that he’s the one….the one that loves her.

 

The second day doesn’t seem to be much easier on Matt as he is still in a great deal of pain. The lack of sleep and proper food has added to the irritability, restlessness, and anxiety. John assures her that this is all perfectly normal. Throughout the day Alex and John take turns watching over him. She’s not sure how John can still be functioning since he insists on checking his vitals every hour. At best he is sleeping in forty-five minute intervals.  

 

When Matt finally falls asleep around nine at night he finally seems to be at rest. They were only at the thirty-six hour mark. She hoped he would sleep through the next twelve hours. They weren’t sure what happens after that but they were told the first forty-eight would be the worst.

 

Standing there over the bed she watches as he seems to finally be at peace in his slumber. Arms held tight around her she needs to step away from this. Sure he will sleep for at least a few hours she heads down to the kitchen to make tea. Waiting for the kettle her eyes wander to the garden catching sight of the hobby house.

 

Tea made she strolls down to the studio. The spance of this old barn always gives her peace. It is a place she can center herself when chaos surrounds her. Breathing in the smell of paint and canvas she starts to feel herself unwind from the last few days. Watching someone you love go through hell is almost as difficult as going through it yourself.

 

She does love him that is something she is sure of. She can’t help but think that if they get their miracle….if he really isn’t going to die….will he still want to be with her? Walking over to his nearly finished portrait her fingers caresses his outline. Closing her eyes she remembers his hands on her body, his lips on hers, just days ago in this studio.

 

Wanting the distraction, needing to get her mind elsewhere she drags her fingers over her brushes choosing the one that calls to her. Before selecting a paint color she pulls the remote from amongst the brushes turning on the music. With her fingers around the burnt umber the strains of ‘Will you still love me tomorrow?’ seeps into her breaking the tenuous hold she had on her emotions.

 

_‘Is this a lasting treasure’_        She feels the tears well in her eyes.   
_‘Or just a moment's pleasure?’_            They begin their descent down her cheeks.  
 _‘Can I believe the magic of your sighs?’_         Her grip around the paint tube tightens.

_‘Will you still love me tomorrow?’_      Her chest heaves as she gasps for breath.  
  
 _‘Tonight with words unspoken’_           The tears can’t be stopped.  
 _‘You say that I'm the only one’_                        The room begins to feel warm, suffocating.  
 _‘But will my heart be broken’_                                      Her knees buckle pulling her into the floor.  
 _‘When the night meets the morning sun?’_       Bracing herself on all four limbs she tries breathing.  
  
 _‘I'd like to know that your love’_          Gasping, tears flowing, her heart breaks.  
 _‘Is love I can be sure of’_                                  Falling the rest of the way to the floor.  
 _‘So tell me now, and I won't ask again’_                       Her arms wrapped around her.  
 _‘Will you still love me tomorrow?’_      She cries and cries until she can no more…..

 

She’s not sure how long she laid there allowing her fears about their future to overwhelm her. Willing herself to get up she went over to the sink cupping handfuls of water to her face. When she was sure the evidence of her tears were gone she shut off the music and made her way back to the house. The clock in the kitchen let her know it was three in the morning.

 

She made him tea before going back to the room. He was barely awake when she came in but perked up upon hearing her footsteps. He was through the worst of it but it was still far from over.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	25. Now What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Please take a virtual tissue……and I’m sorry.

The next two weeks seem to stretch on forever. Matt had completed his initial detox but he still wasn’t feeling normal. After John left and Matt was able to move back into their bedroom they both slept more soundly. He still would get the occasional twinge of pain. He tried to keep Alex from noticing not sure if this meant that he really did have the disease after all. The exhaustion he was feeling wasn’t helping his mood either. Dr. Casita and John both assured him that this was perfectly normal after having gone through withdrawal. Matt couldn’t help but think it was the blood disorder and now that he wasn’t taking the medication he would deteriorate much quicker.

 

It was two days after Matt had completed another round of tests that they were seated in Dr. Casita’s office again. He couldn’t seem to sit still. His leg was bouncing up and down and his grip on Alex’s hand was nearly becoming painful.

 

“So Doctor do I have the disease or not?” Matt couldn’t be patient a moment longer; he needed to know.

 

Dr. Casita looked up from the even thicker file now. “Matt, Alex I, along with my colleagues, have gone over your test results. We have compared them to the ones you took in the UK, as well as the two previous ones you have done here. From the blood samples we drew this week we can find no abnormalities. There does not seem to be any trace of the disease in your blood.”

 

Matt sits there stunned staring at the doctor as if he is waiting for his words to be translated into English by the TARDIS. He is afraid to look at Alex. He is sure she is crying and one look at her will bring his tears as well. Finally he asks, “So to be clear, I am NOT dying?”

 

“Well no more than the rest of us. There does not appear to be any traces of the disease in your blood stream, you don’t seem to have any of the symptoms you originally had, or thought you had. I would very much like to duplicate these tests in say two months but at this moment you appear to be perfectly healthy.”

 

A smile, then a grin takes over Matt’s face. He finally dares to look at Alex. There are indeed tears rolling down her cheeks but she is also sporting a great big grin. He leaps from his chair and scoops her up in his arms hugging her tightly to him. He leans back to look in her eyes. “Did you hear that Alex? I’m not going to die.”

 

She beams back at him. “Oh Matt, I am so happy for you.”

 

“For us.” He amends before kissing her hard with his lips on hers taking her breath away. They are only stopped by the quiet coughing from Dr. Casita. Matt looks back towards him never letting Alex go. “Was there anything else?”

 

“No, I think that’s all. I’ll have my nurse call you to set up an appointment for two months from now. Why don’t you get out of here and go live your life Mr. Smith.”

 

“Thank you doctor.” Alex finally spoke through the tears.

 

“Yes, thank you doctor. You have no idea how you have changed our lives.” Matt beams both at the doctor and then to Alex.

 

The doctor smiles too. “Oh, I think I have some idea.”

 

Matt grabbed Alex’s hand leading her out of the medical complex.   He couldn’t wait to get her home, to make love to her knowing their future had so many more possibilities. He was so elated that he hadn’t noticed the sadness in Alex’s eyes along with her joy.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She is so incredibly grateful that he will have a long life ahead of him. As she lies there watching him sleep she remembers all the reasons she never had pursued a relationship with the nearly twenty year younger Matt Smith. ‘He has so much ahead of him and most of mine is behind me. He deserves so much that I can’t give him.’ All her insecurities are back. When their time together was …well…. for the rest of his life her reasons didn’t have any value. But he has time now to have a family of his own, to carve out a brilliant career. She wasn’t able to give him the first and would only hold him back for the latter. As much as it would devastate her she knew she only had one choice……she had to set him free.

 

Oh she knows he will fight her on it but she convinces herself it is what is best for him. She convinces herself that he doesn’t really know her…..not the real her. She remembers how everything about her life here was new to him: her painting, doing yoga, her life in California was lightyears different than when she was in Cardiff working on Who.

 

Matt is oblivious to Alex’s second thoughts about them. He is thrilled about his new diagnosis. Well who wouldn’t be? He is thrilled that he is going to live and have a lifetime, a proper lifetime, to be with Alex. He is beyond ecstatic and doesn’t see her retreating inside herself. It is a shock of a lifetime when she finally talks to him.

 

It’s been two days since his doctor’s appointment. A phone call from the caterer reminded her that they were planning on getting married in ten days. With a heavy heart she knew what she had to do and there was no more putting it off. She searches the house for him finding him in her study where he had been making calls to his agent and others setting up future roles…..now that he had a future.

 

She thought this might be easier with him sitting down, a desk between them, not a room they had created beautiful memories in. “Matt, I need to talk with you.” She sat in the chair in front of the desk, her hands fidgeting in her lap.

 

He looked up from what he had been writing, his reading glasses perched on his nose. ‘God, does he have to be wearing those? He is so adorable when he is wearing his glasses.’ She pushes down those feelings much like she had for all those years they had worked together.

 

He takes one look at her and he knows something is wrong. “Alex, what is it? What’s the matter?”

 

Knowing that if she doesn’t do this fast she will lose her nerve. She has no choice. “Matt, I can’t marry you.”

 

“What!?! What are you taking about Alex?” He looks over to her to see if she is joking.

 

“I can’t Matt. I just can’t.” She is wringing her hands together, her eyes directed to the paperweight at the front of the desk. She refuses to look at him, afraid if she does she will lose her nerve.

 

Matt gets up and comes around the desk to kneel in front of her looking up into her eyes. “Why Alex? Why don’t you think you can marry me?”

 

With tears streaming down her face she chokes out her reasons. “Matt you have a future now, a real future.”

 

“Yes love, one that I want to spend with you.” He says gently trying to take her hands in his but she refuses to let him.

 

“No Matt. A future where you can have a family; something I can’t give you. To have a wife who is your own age. To go on and have a brilliant career. I would keep you from all of that Matt. I can’t do that to you. I have to let you go.”

 

“Alex” He tries remaining calm figuring she is just experiencing cold feet. “You are my family. You and Salome are all the family I need or want.” He can’t stop himself from brushing away the tears from her cheeks. At first she leans into his touch and then abruptly pulls away. “I don’t need a wife my age. I need you. No one else will do.” He tries laying his hand on her arm, so far she hasn’t pulled away. “I can still have a brilliant career, just with you at my side.”

 

She shakes her head. “No you won’t and it will be all my fault. I can’t do this to you Matt. I can’t.” She is becoming hysterical, her sobs making it hard for her to breath in-between.

 

He starts rubbing circles on her back to help her calm down. Surprisingly it does calm her. He knows she is scared but he is not going to lose her not after everything they have been through to get to this point.

 

“Alex, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please sweetheart say that you want that too?”

 

She hates herself for what she is about to do but she knew he wouldn’t go easily. “Yes, I did when you only had months to live.”

 

“What? You only said yes because you thought I only had months to live?” He stares at her.

 

“I wouldn’t have wanted to tie you to an old woman who cannot give you a family. It didn’t seem to matter then…it matters now.”

 

“No Alex, it doesn’t. At least not to me! I love you. It doesn’t matter your age, or your child bearing status, or any such nonsense. I am in love with you and no amount of excuses is going to change that. Do you still love me?”

 

“That’s not the point Matthew.”

 

“Of course it is the point! It’s the only point that matters. Do you still love me?”

 

“Yes, but…..”

 

“No buts Alexandra. I love you and I want to marry you no matter how many months or years either of us have left.”

 

“No, I can’t….I won’t do that to you.” Tears are streaming down her face.

 

He looks at her absolutely confused and absolutely devastated. “But you’ll rip out my heart?” His voice low, barely audible. “Cause that’s what your doing Alex.”

 

“I think you should go.” Her voice was calm, her syllables clipped, her posture straight.

 

There didn’t seem to be anymore he could say at this point. He only hoped some distance between them would make her realize how wrong she was right now. He rose from the floor his eyes never leaving her. She refused to look at him, staring at some point on the carpet.

 

“Ok, if that is what you want.” She nodded unable to speak anymore. Before leaving he wrapped an arm around her stoic frame and kissed the top of her head. “Know that I will always love you.”

 

He retreats out of the study closing the door behind him. As he rests against it he hears the sobs wrack through her. He knows this isn’t what she wants but how does he convince her? He shuffles sadly to gather his things. _He thought he already had_.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	26. Aftermath

He goes to Karen’s, swiping the key from Alex’s kitchen drawer. He’s hiding in the covers when he hears a rustle at the door. He wasn’t expecting there to be anyone there so he cautiously makes his way to the lounge wrapped in the duvet. He is met by screams from Karen and Nicola who have just entered the door with their luggage behind them.

 

“Matt! What the hell are you doing here?” Karen screeched at him. She was about to yell some more when she took in his disheveled appearance and realized something was definitely wrong. In a more serious tone she asked, “What happened?”

 

He barely even said hi to them before he started to tell them what had transpired between him and Alex. Wrapped in the duvet he huddled on the sofa with Karen beside him and Nicola in the adjoining chair. “So she kicked me out and so far has refused to talk to me. That was two bloody days ago! I’m sorry to have crashed at your place Kaz but I didn’t know where to go. Also I kinda thought she would come to her senses in a few hours but apparently not.”

 

Karen was rubbing up and down his arm through the duvet trying to be of some comfort. Truthfully she had kinda expected something like this. It was one of the reasons Nicola and her were here early for the wedding. They thought she might need someone to talk her out of doing something rash, apparently they were too late.

 

Nicola had remained quiet, listening to all that Matt had to say. She knew her sister and she also knew how happy she had been with Matt, even _before_ their current relationship had developed. She was certain that this is not what Alex really wanted but that she thought she was somehow being noble in letting him go.

 

“Matt?” Nicola called to him. He looked up from his huddled mass on the sofa. “I love my sister but she can be an idiot sometimes.” He couldn’t help but snicker at that. “Don’t worry.   We’re here now. We’ll help her to see that letting you go would be the biggest mistake of her life.”

 

He smiled a watery smile. “Thanks Nicola.” As if he finally realized she was here. “Wait, why are you here at Karen’s?”

 

She laughed at him. “Another story for another day. We’re exhausted from flying, me especially since I came all the way from bloody England. We need sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

 

He nodded, finally remembering his manners. “Can I put your luggage somewhere for you?”

 

Karen shoves him. “Well about time you start acting like a gentleman. You can take mine to my room and Nicola’s to the guest ro…. Wait are you in the guest room?”

 

“Um yeah….but it’s ok. I can sleep on the couch.” He looks over to Nicola. “Just give me five minutes to get my stuff out of there and it’s all yours.” He jumps up taking Karen’s suitcase to her room before cleaning out all of his stuff from the guest room. Luckily he had only brought a small bag. He really didn’t think he would be here this long. He comes back to the lounge retrieving Nicola’s luggage and placing it in the guest quarters. Karen is already in there stripping the bed and putting on clean sheets. “Kaz I’m sorry for this.” He apologizes for all of the extra work he has given her.

 

“It’s ok Smithers but you better make us one fantastic breakfast to make up for it.” She pokes him in the shoulder to make her point.

 

“You got it. Thanks Kaz.” He kisses her cheek as he goes back to the lounge.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

True to his word Matt provided a fantastic breakfast for them. He didn’t make it. Besides not wanting to take a chance of burning down her kitchen she had no food on hand anyways. He had risen early going first to the grocery then to a delicatessen for a lovely breakfast spread. He did manage to make tea on his own.

 

It was nearly half nine before he heard someone running the shower. The time on the clock struck him in an odd way. For months that time was a reminder of his limited future. He had begun to hate that time on the clock as every day, twice a day it taunted him with the knowledge that his time with Alex was limited. As he stared at the clock, he wished he still had that; at least he would have had her for the rest of his life.

 

He is woken from his thoughts when Karen shuffles in her robe hastily thrown around her as she desperately sought out a cup of tea. Her eyes barely awake she rebuffed any attempts he made at conversation heading straight for the teapot. Warm liquid in hand she returned in the same manner she arrived. He laughed to himself knowing Karen would not even remember coming into the kitchen for tea when she fully awoke.

 

A little while later Nicola came from the guest room, freshly showered, and looking well rested. Seeing the teapot she delighted in pouring herself tea. “Oh bless you Matt. I really need a cuppa to get my day going.” He watched as she sipped the warm liquid, almost seeing it revive her. He hadn’t really spent a lot of time with Nicola in the past. Mostly she had just been there with Alex at a party or if he stopped by her flat. He couldn’t help but observe her now, noticing the similarities and the differences between her and Alex.

 

Now that she was waking up she noticed the breakfast spread he had laid out on the table. “My goodness Matt you outdid yourself on breakfast, didn’t you?”

 

He blushed feeling a bit embarrassed since he hadn’t actually cooked anything. “Well I thought it was the least I could do since I crashed your party last night.”

 

“Not to mention giving us both heart attacks!” She laughed at him.

 

His face went red again. “Um, yeah….sorry about that.”

 

“Oh Matt, I’m just teasing you. We were fine. It was just a bit of a shock is all.” Sitting at the table she had made a lovely plate of bagels, meats, and fruit. “Won’t you join me?” She pointed to the chair next to her.

 

“Sure. Can I freshen your tea first?”

 

“Oh yes, that would be lovely.” As she hands him her cup.

 

Fresh tea in hand he sits next to Nicola feeling a bit intimidated. He is sure that she knows much more about him than he does about her. Nicola is one of the few people on the planet that Alex confides in. “So Matt do you have any idea what brought all this on with Alex?”

 

He became immensely interested in his shoes. They hadn’t told anyone about his illness so they hadn’t told anyone that he was no longer ill. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to tell that tale now.

 

She seemed to be eyeing him with a knowing look. “Oh so is this because your not dying now?”

 

His head snapped up looking her straight in the eye. “What!?! You know about that?”

 

She took a sip of tea, then placed the cup on the table. “Yeah I knew about that. Alex never was very good at keeping secrets from me. You know you should have just asked me who River was. I knew all along.” She gives him a mischievous look that so reminded him of Alex.

 

“What? Seriously?” She nodded. “Really? I could have saved myself months of torture by Alex.”

 

“Ah, but you loved it!” She teased.

 

He smiled. “Ah, that I did!”

 

Spreading cream cheese on her bagel she looks back over to him. “So let me see if I have this correct. Alex was ready to marry you when you only had months to live but now that you have years she’s afraid too.”

 

“Yeah, doesn’t seem to make much sense does it?” He rubs the back of his neck as he talks.

 

“Oh I don’t know. It makes perfect Alex sense.” She puts down the knife before looking over to him. “Alex doesn’t think she is worthy of love. She doesn’t think she deserves you.” Matt’s face registers astonishment. “That first husband of hers he made her believe she was never good enough, that she wasn’t worthy. She’s never really gotten past that.” She takes a bite of her bagel.

 

“I know she doesn’t feel she deserves to be treated well, especially by guys. That’s why I have always tried to look out for her, treat her right, even when we were just friends. She is so amazing as an actress, as a mum, as a friend and yet she never sees it. I have done everything I can think of to get her to see how fantastic she is but I guess I failed at that too.”

 

Nicola surprises him by taking his hand in hers. “Matt you didn’t fail her. You can’t be responsible for her happiness.” He stared at her not understanding what she meant. “Yes, you can make her happy or sad but she has to take the responsibility of accepting that. For way too long she has kept everyone at arms length, afraid to care too much, afraid that when they leave it will hurt.” He turns to stare out the window thinking of all the years she did just that, kept him at arms length, never giving him a chance.

 

“When you dropped back into her life telling her you loved her but that you also were dying she accepted that…..easily.   Bittersweet happiness is what she thinks she deserves. To have you but only for a short while…….that’s all she thinks she is worthy of.”

 

“But she’s not….” His voice low etched with sadness for her.

 

She tugs on his hand pulling him closer so that she can look him in the eye. “That’s why you are the right man for her…..you get it…….and you care that she doesn’t.”

 

She sits back taking a bite of a strawberry letting her words sink in. “Florian never got that. He understood that she had been hurt but he manipulated that for his wants. He wasn’t willing to make sacrifices for Alex.”

 

“I would give up anything for her.” He interjected.

 

“Yeah, I know…….I think that’s what scares her. She thinks you will make sacrifices for her that you will later resent her for.”

 

“I would never.”

 

“It’s hard to say never. We never really know what we might do in the future but I believe you, that you mean it now. But then I’m not the one who needs convincing.” She smiles at him while popping a piece of melon in her mouth.

 

Karen makes an appearance into the kitchen. She has obviously showered and is more awake than the last time he saw her. While she is pouring her tea he leans in close to Nicola, “Kaz doesn’t know anything about me being ill. I’d like to keep it that way, please.” She nods in understanding.

 

“So you two look cozy. Do we have a game plan yet?” Karen asked much louder than necessary.

 

“Um….I..I..” Matt stammered not really sure what to tell her.

 

Nicola stood up her tea cup in hand, “Yes, I think I have all the information I need.” She patted Matt’s shoulder on the way to refill her tea cup.

 

“You do?” He turned to look at her bewildered and astonished.

 

Leaning against the counter sipping her brew she smiled over to him. “I know my sister pretty well. With what you told me I have a pretty good idea how to get her come to her senses.”

 

Matt gets up throwing his arms around her nearly knocking her tea cup from her hand. “Thank you.”

 

Nicola has Karen call her a taxi while she finishes getting ready to go over to Alex’s. A few minutes later Karen announces from the kitchen, “The taxi is here!” .

 

As she is heading to the door she stops to talk to Matt. “I’ll do what I can. Keep your phone handy in case I need back up.”

 

“Thank you, again.” He hugs her gratefully.

 

“You and my sister being happy together will be thanks enough. Now give me your keys.” He looks puzzled at her. “She might not answer the door. I don’t want to give her any outs.” He smiled while handing her his key to Alex’s house. Nicola really did know Alex well and then she was out the door.

 

“So Smithers come fill me in on what’s been happening.” She brought her tea and a plate of breakfast over to the sofa sitting with her feet tucked under her. He got a fresh cup of tea and joined her. He would need a big distraction to keep him from thinking of what was happening at Alex’s house.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	27. Sister, Sister

Nicola rings Alex’s doorbell not really expecting an answer. She is surprised then when she hears the door unlock. “Aunt Nicola! What are you doing here?” Salome envelopes her in a big hug.

 

“Well I came here for the wedding.”

 

Salome’s smile drops from her face. “Oh, I guess you haven’t heard. Mummy doesn’t want to get married any more.” She turns back into the house with Nicola following. Salome leads her to the kitchen where she expertly makes her aunt tea while lamenting how her mum has “ruined my life again”.

 

Salome relates how her mum is miserable but refuses to take any of Matt’s calls. She has been spending all of her time in her studio. “She still won’t let me in her studio so I have no idea what she is doing in there. I text her to make her come cook lunch and dinner, mostly so she will eat herself. I don’t understand. If she is so unhappy without him why is she the one who called things off? She won’t tell me anything.”

 

Nicola listened to Salome’s ramblings taking this information with all that Matt had told her and decides she is ready to talk with Alex. “Well kiddo.” She hugs her kissing her on top of her head. “Let me go see what I can do to salvage this situation.”

 

“Oh I hope you can!”

 

“Me too kiddo, me too!”

 

Making another cup of tea for Alex and refilling her own she heads towards the hobby house. As she gets closer she can hear soft romantic songs playing. Stopping in the doorway she sees Alex laying on the futon. Quietly she can hear her sobs over the strains of the music, there’s a large collection of tissues on and beside the bed. She seems to be focusing on a certain point in the room. Following her eyes she sees that it is a painting, from her angle she cannot make out what it is of.

 

 

Silently she comes behind where Alex lays to see what she is looking at. Staring back at her is Matt looking completely and totally in love with the person he is looking at, obviously it had been Alex. Placing Alex’s teacup on the stool beside her she tells her, “As nice as that painting is, the real thing is even nicer.”

 

Alex sits up like a shot on the futon. “Oh my god Nicola you gave me such a fright.” She is clutching her hand against her chest, her breathing a little too fast. She looks up at her. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Oh and hello to you too sis!” Her tone somewhere between teasing and serious. She takes a seat next to Alex on the futon putting one arm around her still holding her tea in the other. Now they are both staring at the painting. “You know I think that might be your best painting yet. It’s amazing how you caught the light in his eyes and the joy in his smile.”

 

Rubbing her eyes with a tissue she nodded. “I always loved when he looked at me like that. I wanted to capture that moment for always.”

 

Nicola looks at her now as she continues to stare at the painting. “But why would you settle for a painting when you could have the real thing?”

 

She dropped her gaze to her hands where she was tearing bits from the tissue. “Because then I won’t have to see his face _when_ he doesn’t love me anymore.” She turns to her sister. “Cause I think that face would kill me.”

 

“And this isn’t?” Alex leaned into her sister’s shoulder allowing the tears to fall again. “Oh sweetie, why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to him?”

 

She raises up from her sister’s shoulder, “Have you seen him?” She nods. “How is he?”

 

“Well, he looks about as devastated as you do right now.” She pulls her back towards her hugging her close.

 

“He’s young; he’ll get over it.” She says bitterly.

 

“Actually Alex, I don’t know that he will. He’s right miserable and completely at a loss as to why you would do this to him.”

 

“I’m not doing this to him; I am doing this _for_ him. I just want him to be happy.”

 

She pushes Alex away from her shoulder so she can see her face. “See that’s the thing Alex….. he WAS happy until you broke his heart. Now he’s fucking miserable.”

 

Alex leaps off the futon storming across the room. Finding the remote she shuts off the love songs she no longer wants to hear and turns to confront her sister. “You don’t understand. You will never understand. You married Mr. Perfect. I keep marrying arseholes.”

 

Nicola strides over to her staring her down. “Are you saying Matt is an arsehole?”

 

“What? No! Of course not.”

 

“Then you are making no sense.”

 

“Ralph and Florian they weren’t always arseholes. They just became that way after being married to me.”

 

“Hold on!” Nicola is raking both of her hands through her hair as she paces around. “Are you trying to tell me that it is YOUR fault that they are arseholes?”

 

She stands there a bit stunned at the realization. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

 

She stops and turns to face Alex. “Alex, that is the biggest bunch of horseshit of have ever heard!

 

Alex gets real quiet walking past her to stand just outside the open doors of the studio. Raising her chin she feels the sun against her face. She remembers how happy she had been at the beginning with Ralph and how utterly broken she felt when they ended.

 

She had thought things would be so different with Florian. It wasn’t a passionate romance that would flare and burn out. He was strong and steady. If she’s honest she’s not sure if she was ever truly in love with him; certainly not in the way she had been with Ralph. But that had been the point hadn’t it? Florian was everything Ralph wasn’t. He wasn’t an actor, he wanted a wife and children, a family. That is what she had wanted too. She just never bargained on what she would have to go through to make that a reality.

 

But they both left her or worse let her know they didn’t want her anymore. She’s not sure if she could survive that a third time. She’s fairly certain that if Matt ever looked at her with that look on his face; that look that she remembers so vividly from Ralph or Florian that she would surely die right on the spot.

 

Nicola comes behind her reaching around her placing her chin on her shoulder. “You know dear sister sometimes you can be your own worse enemy!” Alex snorts as she nods in agreement. “So when are you breaking out the wine cause the Kingston sisters can’t have a proper reunion with just tea.”

 

Alex laughed, really laughed for the first time in days. Turning she takes her sister in her arms giving her a proper hello. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

 

“Me too!” She pulls back. “But seriously where is the wine?”

 

Alex pulls away wiping at her eyes. “Well we’d have to go up to the house for that. I don’t keep any down here.”

 

Nicola can see her hesitancy. “So tell me where and I’ll go get some.”

 

She perks up. “Would you?”

 

“Trying to avoid anything in particular sis?”

 

“Oh caught that did you?” She nods. “Just my daughter who currently hates me since I ‘ruined her life’”.

 

“Ah yes, I heard about that.” Alex looks a bit stricken by that statement.

 

Nicola pats her arm on her way out the door. “Don’t fret, she’s a teenager. If it wasn’t this it would have been something else……like when you wore that hideous dress to the movie premiere.”

 

She nods. “Wait……what hideous dress?” Nicola just smiles and continues out the door on her quest for wine.

 

It’s nearly twenty minutes later before Nicola returns. She notices that Alex has converted the futon back into a sofa and the collection of tissues are gone but the tissue box remains nearby. She sits still absorbed in the painting of Matt. It’s obvious she didn’t even hear Nicola return.

 

“So hey I found the wine.” Nicola announces as she plops down next to Alex placing the picnic hamper on the floor in front of them.

 

“What’s all this?” Alex asks curiously finally shifting her eyes from the painting to the hamper.

 

“Well I was looking for munchies in your pantry, saw the basket and decided it would be easier than trying to carry everything.” She pulls out the wine handing it to Alex along with a corkscrew. While she opens the wine, Nicola sets the wine glasses on the nearby stool. Continuing to pull things out she sets up a cheese plate and a box of wheat crackers.

 

Alex pours two generous glasses of wine putting the bottle on the floor before picking up the glasses, handing one to Nicola. Before Nicola can say anything Alex has downed half of the glass. She watches her carefully but doesn’t comment as she sips at her own wine.

 

They both settle back against the sofa Alex again absorbed in the painting of Matt. It’s quite some time before Alex says anything, after she’d refilled her wine glass. Continuing to stare at the painting she says, “You know I never thought I would ever love again. Had pretty much sworn it off.” “Thought I was unlovable.” She mumbled those last words just for herself.

 

Nicola watched her sister carefully. She knows how she can get. She was being reflective and this was not the right time to interject. Best let her work through things as best she can and only nudge her along when needed or if necessary call her out on her bullshit. For now she sipped her wine and listened.

 

“You know I liked Matt right from the start. Not romantically, at least not at first. He was so sweet and talented. What wasn’t there to like? He worked so tirelessly for Who making it all look so damn easy. Really, I still don’t know how he did it. He was only twenty-six when he started but he made the Doctor his own, was prepared (over-prepared truth be told) everyday, got the crew to love him, and of course the fans.”

 

“And you?” Nicola nudged.

 

Alex looks over at her almost surprised to see that she is there. “and me.” Sipping her wine she turns back to look at Matt smiling back at her. “I was in awe of him as an actor. He is so disciplined and so amazing at bringing just the right emotion, right interpretation to every scene. This was something I had only experienced with actors much older.” She sipped her wine allowing herself to remember those first few days she knew Matt.

 

“Of course then there was the flirting. My goodness that man can flirt.” She giggled. “It drug me in like a moth to a flame. I found myself looking forward to going back to England not just for work or family but because I was going to see him.” She turned facing her sister as she continued. “It did wonders for my ego. I just never thought he would……”

 

“What? Want you?” A little more nudging.

 

Her eyes were drawn back to the painting once more drinking in the love expressed in his eyes for her. “Yeah….” She said in a quiet whisper.

 

Her eyes drop from Matt’s gaze to her hands in her lap. “It wasn’t hard to tell he was attracted to me but then lots of men are. But he was different. He was my friend, in a way I had never had a friend before…..especially a male friend. He was always kind, considerate, and we could do anything or nothing together and have the best time. I wasn’t going to risk that friendship for a roll in the hay. I made sure to always keep him at arms length.”

 

“No matter how much it killed you.” Nicola’s nudging was striking a chord.

 

“Yeah, no matter.” She continued to sip her wine fiddling with a stray string on the futon.

 

“When we mostly went our separate ways after our time on Who I thought that was all we would ever be. We barely saw each other and only talked occasionally. I was happy that he was my friend so I put any other feelings I might have had for him in a box tucked away deep inside.”

 

She reached down for more wine to discover that the bottle was empty. “It’s a good thing I brought more than one then.” Nicola produces another bottle from the picnic hamper.

 

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Alex told her as she took her refilled glass.

 

Bumping shoulders with her she almost causes Alex to drop her glass. “I’m your sister – _you_ have to like me!”

 

“Not true! What else do you have in that basket?”

 

“Well, lets see….” Nicola starts pulling things out handing them over to her. “There are chips, pretzels, and some weird American thing I’m not sure what they are. I have to say sister your selection of snacks was quite impressive. Usually when I come here all I can find is rice cakes and flavored water.”

 

“Those are Matt’s.” She says slowly trying not to act like seeing a bag of chips is undoing her tight rein on her emotions.

 

“Now there’s another reason to keep the man around. His superior taste in munchies.” She starts to laugh at Alex and Alex can’t help herself from laughing as well. “Because honestly your idea of munchies is rubbish!” They lean into each other giddy from the wine and the lack of anything substantial to eat laughing without being able to stop.

 

“Oh God Nicola you should see him at the grocer. He’s like a little kid. He puts it in the cart and I sneak it out. He’s so ridiculous!” Her smile lights up her face and she can’t stop laughing at the image of him she has just described.

 

Looking at her sister she sees it for the first time and a smile slowly emerges on her face. When Alex catches sight of her she is confused by what she sees. “What?”

 

“Do you realize that you went all besotted over him picking out a bag of chips?”

 

“I .. what?”

 

“Alex, how can you even think of giving him up? He makes you so happy, not just in bed,” Alex blushes. “but in every part of your life. He was your friend first….your very good friend. He already knows who you are and he still wants you anyways. My god he even makes you happy to go to the grocer! Why would you ever want to lose that?”

 

Her eyes rotate back to look at the painting of Matt. She remembers the elation she felt that day as he told her he loved her ……..and then they made love for the first time. “I don’t………but I must ……I should.”

 

She could feel her resolve faltering. This isn’t what she wanted; she knew that all along. She was doing this for him; giving him the out so he could have the life he should have, the family he should have.

 

“and if it’s not what he wants? Cause I can tell you the man I talked with would do about anything to be with you, all you have to do is say the word.”

 

She leans against Nicola’s shoulder her mind whirling, not sure how much of it is the wine and how much is thinking about Matt. He always has that affect on her though even before they got together. All she had to do was think about him and her day was brighter even if he was halfway around the world. She remembers how happy her mornings were when she awoke to a text from Matt….oh how she looked forward to them.

 

For the first time she realized that if she let him go that she would most likely never hear from him again. They wouldn’t still be friends. There wouldn’t be any late night phone calls or odd texts. He would be just gone. All those years when she convinced herself that he was better off if they weren’t involved she always had his friendship. She could always hold on to that. Now he would be completely gone from her life…..and most likely hate her.

 

“I really have been such an idiot haven’t I?” Nicola nods. “Oh god, I have to get him back!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	28. Reconciliation

Nicola had convinced her to wait until morning to call when she was sober. She had made the argument that you want him to know that you are serious and not just in a drunken ramble. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now she wasn’t so sure. ‘Had she waited too long?’

 

Her hands shake as she finds his contact on her phone. Taking a deep breath she closes her eyes and presses the call button. She worries her lip between her teeth as she brings the phone to her ear. Standing still is not an option as she paces back and forth her hand running manically through her hair listening to the phone ring praying that he will pick up. She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. He didn’t deserve what she has put him through.

 

“Hello? Alex?” Hearing his voice calms her to her very soul reminding her again that she never wants to be without him in her life. She feels the pricks of tears in her eyes as she gathers her courage.

 

“Matt….I’m sorry.   I’m so, so sorry.” She stifles a sob.

 

“Alex?”

 

“Come home……………….please?”

 

She could almost hear his grin through the phone. “I’m on my way sweetheart. And Alex?”

  
“Yes?”

 

“I love you.” She hoped he could hear her grin as well.

 

“I love you too! Hurry!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When he arrives at Alex’s Nicola and Salome are waiting for him on the steps outside. Salome runs over to him pulling him into a big hug while Nicola asks the driver to wait for them. She walks back towards the steps with Matt while Salome gets in the taxi. “Here are your keys.” She smiles at him. “I think your going to need these for a bit longer.”

 

He pulls her into his arms practically hugging the stuffing out of her. “Thank you.” He whispers into her ear.

 

“As I told you before you and my sister being happy together will be thanks enough. Now off you pop. She’s probably worn a hole in the carpet by now.”   His smile lights up his face as he bounds up the stairs. Before ringing the doorbell he turns to wave at them as the taxi backs out of the drive.

 

Standing there he is reminded of the day he came here over two months ago. How he had no idea how she would react to his declaration while he was overburdened with his diagnosis. He finds he is just as nervous now. ‘Has she worked through her doubts? What do I need to do to convince her?’ Taking a deep breath, he steadies himself, and then rings the doorbell.

 

The door springs open almost immediately. Her eyes beam at the sight of him, her smile could light up the city. Standing there he takes in the sight of her. He wasn’t sure if he would ever see her again. When she first asked him to leave he thought she would come to her senses in a few hours but as that stretched to days he had begun to lose hope. Now here she was smiling back at him.

 

She pulls him towards her by his shirt crashing her lips on his. Her hands at first fisting into his shirt then sliding up settling around his neck. Pulling him closer it is as if she cannot get him close enough. Her lips tasting him hungrily, her tongue twisting with his; she feels her body relax into him. He is home…..she is home, home in his arms where she always wants to be.

 

He’s caught a bit off guard when she grabs him but he has missed those lips, the taste of her, like an addict he has to get his fill of Alex Kingston. As he feels her relax into him, he relaxes as well. The dire need for air the only reason they separate, foreheads pressed together as they listen to each others panting breath.

 

Her lips kiss his throat, then his jaw, working their way back to his lips. He steps back looking at her fully. “Alex, we need to talk.”

 

Her hands slide down to his chest as she is staring at him, “Now? You want to talk now?”

 

“I think we must.” He takes her hand in his bringing it to his lips gently kissing across her knuckles. Leading her inside he closes the door before walking them to the sofa in the lounge.

 

She is a bundle of nerves. Of course she knew they would have to talk she was just hoping they could postpone it a while longer….. like forever. Leaping to her feet she offers to make tea.

 

Holding her back with the hand that has not let go of her he tells her, “I don’t want tea. I want you to talk to me.” He pulls her back down to sit next to him. “I want you to always talk to me.” His other hand reaches out to cup her face turning her to look at him. “Alex, I love you. I thought you knew that.”

 

“I do.” She turns towards him.

 

“Then I don’t understand. Why would you hurt us like this?” His eyes lowered unable to face her in this moment. “Why would you hurt me?” He choked out those last words trying to keep his emotions in check.

 

When she sees how much she has hurt him she hates herself even more. Inching closer to him she rests her hand against his bicep. “Oh darling….” She grinds her teeth against her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

 

“But you did Alex. You hurt me a lot. Maybe I was kidding myself but I thought we fit together. Since the day I showed up here it has felt like we were always together, like we finally found our home in each other.”

 

A stray tear rolls down her cheek as she nods. “Yes, I felt that way too.”

 

“Then why would you want to throw all of that away?”

 

She pulls away from him for the first time since he has arrived wrapping her arms around herself as she walks over to the garden window. “I don’t know if I can ever say it in a way that you will understand.” She continues to look out the window not able to face him as she speaks. “I have a past. You mostly know about it but I have tried hard to keep the hurt of all of that deep, even from myself at times. But it is always there, that insecurity, that sense of loss, that feeling of not being good enough.”

 

“I was so happy when we found out that your diagnosis could be wrong; that you were going to live for more than a few months. But it brought all my insecurities back.” Turning slightly she looks over at him. “A few months I was sure I could keep you happy. But when that turned into years I was just as sure you would become bored with me or begin to resent me for all the things you would have to give up to be with me.”

 

She turns to look at him her arms still tight around herself. “I’m not as young as you Matt.” She puts her hand up to stop him from protesting. “I know you say it doesn’t matter but it could someday. Hell it might matter to your career right now. You don’t know how the industry is going to react if we get married.” She takes a few steps back towards him. “We’ll never be able to have children together. Isn’t that something you want? You are so wonderful with children.   Matt you should have a chance to be a father.”

 

She sits across from him on the coffee table reaching over to him to take his hands. “I love you Matt with everything I have to give………but what if that isn’t enough?” Her face is stained with tears as she desperately holds onto him wanting to be enough for him but knowing she falls short.

 

He falls to his knees before her reaching up to brush away her tears. Slowly he leans in giving her a gentle kiss before pulling back to see her face. She is so beautiful even with tear stained cheeks, eyes red and tired from lack of sleep. She is the most beautiful person he has ever known because her beauty is not just something you see but something you feel when you are in her presence. Her beauty comes from within her…..but how does he get her to see that.

 

His fingertips graze her cheeks, then tucks a stray curl behind her ear. “Alex I know you have been hurt and you’re right I might never understand that. It didn’t happen to me so I could never fully comprehend how that changed you. But you see I never knew the Alex before…. the Alex before husbands betrayed her and hurt her…. the Alex before having a child became a monumental undertaking…. the Alex before loss. I have only known you since those experiences shaped you and changed you into the strong, wonderful person you are today. You are beautiful Alex and I don’t just mean your physical beauty. You are though …..a physical beauty.” His eyes are penetrating hers as he speaks as if he is talking to her very soul. “But that’s not your real beauty. Your real beauty is the love, the warmth, the you that you radiate each and everyday. I really meant it when I would say that I felt privileged to be in the presence of The Kingston. I really did….. and still do.”

 

She can’t help but smile at him, the sparkle coming back into her eyes. He wraps his arms behind her holding her in a tight embrace.

 

“I don’t care about the age difference…. well that’s not entirely true.” She looks a bit stricken. “The only time I ever think about it is when I think that I might have to live past you. I don’t think I can. But knowing me I will do some clumsy stupid thing that will take me first.” He pulls her closer as she begins to tear up again.

 

“As far as kids I don’t really know how I feel about that. Yeah, I always thought maybe someday but then the life of an actor isn’t that easy on children. We are always off somewhere. If I have to choose between children or you……that is an easy choice. I choose you….I will always choose you no matter what the choice is.”

 

“Because you see Alexandra Elizabeth Kingston.” He cups her face with his hands on either side of her cheeks. “You are the part of me that I didn’t even know I was missing until I met you. And now that I found you I’m not giving you up.” His smile grows as he looks at her face rubbing the tears from her cheeks. He pulls her towards him taking her lips in his, slowly coasting over them before feeling the warm softness that is Alex.

 

She rests her head on his chest drinking in his smells, listening to his heartbeat, and feeling more loved that she has ever felt in her entire life. He rests his head against her curls inhaling the smell of jasmine and orange that he always associates with Alex. They hold each other afraid to move, to break this perfect moment.

 

Finally she looks up at him from her position on his chest. “I love you.”

 

Smiling he looks down at her, “I love you. So what do you say Kingston? Want to be my ball and chain?” She laughs as she remembers those words from the pyramid set on Who.

 

“If you’ll have me.”

 

“Always!”

 

Their lips meet matching perfectly with each other as if they were always destined to be with the other.

 

 

Rapidly his need for her escalates. He needs to know that she is his. He needs her to know he is hers. Frantically they strip each other of their garments unable to let their lips not touch the other for more than a moment. She feels a desperation for his touch and to touch him as if it has been years since they have been apart. Their hands, their mouths, seek each out forever moving, forever tasting, drinking in one another.

 

This isn’t a slow declaration of love. This is a claiming of each other, a possession of him to her and her to him. As their bodies mold together their skin alight with the touch of the other their affirmations fall from their lips again and again.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Mine….always.”

 

“Yes, my love. I am yours……..always.”

 

‘You….are mine.”

 

“I am yours.”

 

The absence they felt away from each other was so great like a large hole that must be filled. Their bodies need to connect echoes their hearts need to unite with one another. They cannot get each other fast enough and yet they must slow down to savor one another. It is a paradox that they repeat again and again throughout the night.

 

At some point he carried her to their bed. He holding her. She holding him. Sleep ready to claim them he watches over her as if she might disappear if he closes his eyes, even for a moment. His fingertips graze her cheek stopping to rest there as he breaks the quiet.

 

“Alex, you have to promise me something?” His gaze is penetrating, proper, and serious.

 

“What’s that?” She flutters her eyelids fighting off sleep.

 

“You have to promise me that if there is ever anything bothering you that you will come talk to me. Understand?”

 

“Yes.” Her voice quiet.

 

He moves so that their noses nearly touch and he can feel her breath against his skin. “No I mean really understand? _I_ know that we can survive anything but I need _you_ to know it. Do you Alex? Do you know that no matter what life throws at us we can see it through….as long as we do it together?” He stares into her eyes, possibly all the way to her soul begging, beseeching her to believe.

 

She looks deep in his eyes, silent. “ _I_ want to darling. _I_ want to believe. I …I just might need you to help me sometimes when the doubts niggle at me. Can you do that for me, can you help me believe?”

 

“Alex love, I would do anything for you….all you ever have to do is ask.” His arms tighten around her as he presses his body into her curves. He kisses her slowly across her lips before pulling her into his chest resting his head against her curls. Entwined in each others arms they fall asleep believing that the other will always be there.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 


	29. Family, Friends, Honored Guests

“Alex, I’m heading to the airport.” He shouts while wandering the house looking for her.

 

From the top of the stairs, “I’m up here darling.”

 

He comes to the foot of the stairs, “There you are. Well I need to head to the airport to pick up mum and dad. Are you sure you don’t want to come with?”

 

“No its fine darling. I’m sure they would like to have some alone time with you. Besides I’m still getting the guest room ready for them.”

 

“You know they would have been fine to stay in a hotel.”

 

“Matthew Robert we are not making your parents stay in a hotel when we have plenty of room here. Besides this will give us a chance to get to know each other better.”

 

Half under his breath, “Yeah that’s what I am afraid of.”

 

She saunters down the stairs standing on the last one so they are at eye level. “What are you afraid of? That your mum is going to tell me something terrible about you?”

 

“Possibly..”

 

Her hands slide up his chest wrapping around his neck playfully tugging at the nape of his hair. “I think we’ve already established that I’m not going anywhere and that you’re not going anywhere so what is there to worry about?” She smiles at him before leaning in to his lips. “Now you better get going or they are going to wonder if you forgot about them.”

 

He looks at the time, kisses her once more before heading to the airport.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She continues to ready the guest room. She can’t help but remember being in this room with Matt as he went through agony. Suddenly it occurs to her that it might be difficult for him to have his parents in this room. Worrying her bottom lip she also knows there is no choice in the matter. The other guest room is on the ground floor and her dad doesn’t negotiate stairs as well as he used to. ‘Maybe filling it with happy memories is a way to purge the difficult ones.’ She reasons.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Matt makes it to the airport just as his parents are walking outside from baggage claim. He had hoped to meet them inside but his late start and LA traffic made that impossible. “Mum! Dad!” He waves as he gets out of the car.

 

His mum wraps him in a huge hug kissing his cheek. “Let me look at you.” She pulls back to inspect him. “Yes, I can see that love agrees with you. You look 1000 times better than when you laid around the house for a week whinging like a toddler.”

 

“Mum! I did not whinge! That was Lor!”

 

“Ha-ha! Well glad to see some things never change……still blaming your sister for everything.” His dad comes over to him pulling him into a hug.

 

“Well let’s get you guys home. Alex will be wondering where we are.” He stows their luggage in the boot before opening the car door for his mum.

 

“You know we can stay at a hotel. We don’t want to be any trouble.” His mum says as they pull out of the airport.

 

“It’s no trouble and besides Alex would have my head if I let you stay in a hotel. But she’s nervous as hell at meeting you so take it easy on her, ok?”

 

“But she’s met us before dear.” His mum points out.

 

“Well but that was just as my co-star, future wife is a bit more intimidating.” He laughs nervously.

 

His mum fidgets nervously in the seat next to him. “So Matt, you’re really sure about marrying Alex?”

 

“What?” He looks over to her quickly before putting his eyes back on the road. “What kind of question is that? Of course I’m sure.”

 

“Well….it’s just….” She fiddles with her handbag. “This seems all so sudden. I mean it’s only been what two months since you came here to tell her how you feel and now your getting married. It just seems ….so fast.”

 

He lets out a sigh. “Mum I know it may seem that way to you but to us it seems much longer than that. We both started this relationship eight years ago. We were just friends for most of it. Aren’t you always telling me that the best marriages are between people who are friends first?”

 

“The boys got you there Lynne.” His father chirps up from the back seat. Matt salutes him in the rear view mirror.

 

She studies him for a few minutes before saying, “If you’re sure then I am very happy for you dear.”

 

He smiles catching her eye for a minute. “Then be very happy for me mum because I am ecstatic!”

 

They spend the rest of the drive catching up with all that he had been missing in England. Pulling into the driveway his mum is amazed at the house. “Wow Matt, the houses here are so much bigger than in the UK aren’t they?”

 

“Yeah, they do seem to be.” He lugs their luggage into the house. “Honey, I’m home! And brought the family!”

 

Alex appears from around the corner. He notices she is dressed a bit more conservatively than usual, her blouse buttoned nearly to the top. He smiles though as it along with her tight jeans show off her curves nicely. He probably shouldn’t mention that at this very moment since she looks as nervous as a cat.

 

“Mr. and Mrs. Smith, we’re so glad you’re here.”

 

Lynn comes over pulling her into a hug. “Now Alex, you know my name is Lynne. Afterall we’re about to be family.” Her warm smile eases Alex’s nerves and she starts to relax.

 

“And I’m David.” His dad gives her his own hug.

 

“I made tea and biscuits. I thought we could have some on the patio if you’d like.”

 

“Oh that sounds wonderful dear but I think we’d like to freshen up a bit first if you don’t mind.”

 

“Oh of course, that flight can be a bear. I should know. I can show you to your room, and Matt can bring the luggage.”

 

As they turn to head up the stairs Salome skips down to meet them. “Hey Matty are these your folks?”

 

“Whoa poppet! What are you doing up so early? It’s not even noon yet!” He teases her.

 

She sticks her tongue out at him and he chuckles at her. Slinging his arm around her shoulders he turns towards his parents. “Mum this is Salome, Salome this is me mum, Lynne.”

 

“Nice to meet you.” She extends her hand to Lynne who shakes it.

 

“And this is me dad, David, Dad this is Salome.” She shakes his hand as well.

 

“We’re happy you’re staying with us. Matt’s been bouncing around all week and you coming got mum to make biscuits!”

 

”Oh hush you; I make biscuits all the time!” She heads up the stairs with his parents following. Salome takes pity on Matt and offers to help with the luggage. After they show them where everything is they leave them to settle in.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alex is preparing tea when Matt comes up behind her snaking his arms around her waist and pushing her hair aside with his chin to plant a kiss on her neck. She arches her back into him turning to give him a proper kiss. “See I told you they would be happy for us. Mum said as long as I’m happy that she is happy for us.”

 

“Just keep remembering that for when my folks get here.”

 

“Why?” He asks cautiously.

 

“Cause I don’t think they are quite as open minded as your folks. That and my track record does give them reason to pause.”

 

“Well then I will need to win them over with my charm.” He gives her a quick peck on the lips. “And my obvious love for their daughter.” He smiles at her and she beams up to him.

 

Lynne and Alex get along famously as they work on last minute wedding details. Matt is thrilled to see how easily his parents interact with Alex and have taken Salome under their wing as well. His mum even went so far as to call her her ‘first grandchild’. This pleased Matt to no end but he couldn’t help but notice Alex was uncomfortable at the word grandchild.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A few days later it was Alex’s turn to pick up her parents at the airport. “Alex are you sure you don’t want me to go with? Won’t you need help with the luggage?”

 

“It will be fine darling. I’ll have an airport porter help us. I know you understand that I would like to have a little time alone with them before we come back here.” She gives him a quick kiss as he nods in understanding. “And I promise you can help with the luggage all you want when we get back.” He mock groans at her before grabbing her for another quick kiss before she heads off to the airport.

 

She’s managed to get there early enough to park and get into baggage claim. In such an excited hurry to see her parents she didn’t think to bring a hat. So far no one has seemed to notice her. She spots them coming down the escalator and rushes over to greet them. “Mutter! Papa!” Their faces light up at her voice quickly gathering their arms around her. For that single moment in time, she can’t help feeling like a little girl again.

 

She has an airport porter assist in collecting their luggage while she retrieves the car from parking. They are only waiting a few minutes when she pulls up. Luggage stowed they head back to her place. “So how are the wedding plans coming?” Her mum starts the conversation.

 

“Oh I think everything is about set. Nicola and Karen have been taking care of most things and Matt’s mum and dad have been here for a few days so they have helped as well. Salome has practically turned into a professional wedding planner making sure we don’t forget anything” Alex is beaming as she talks about the most important event in her life and the people helping to make it special.

 

“You look happy Liebling” Her mum observed.

 

“I am Mutter…..very. You will see; Matt is wonderful.”

 

“Well I always thought he did an admirable job as the Doctor.” His dad piped up from the back. “that was no easy feat taking over for David Tennant.”

 

“Thank you Daddy. I know he’d appreciate hearing that from you.” She was talking to him through the rear view mirror. He nodded back to her.

 

“Yes, but this isn’t an acting job this is your life Liebling. He’s so young. What could you possibly have in common, other than acting? You’re in completely different stages of your lives.”

 

Alex takes a deep breathe. She knew her mum would not be easily won over. “I knew you would have your doubts and I know my past choices don’t necessarily inspire you with confidence about Matt. You need to get to know him. I think that’s the only way you’re going to understand. Matt may be much younger than me but we are the same, we are …… in sync in a way I have never felt before.”

 

“But are you sure you’re not rushing this a bit though. I mean you only started dating a few months ago.” Her mum just had to ask.

 

“Mutter I know what you are thinking but we really have thought this through. Matt and I feel like this is the next step in our relationship that actually started back to the first day we met.” Her mum’s eyes go wide. “No Mutter not like that. We have always had an interest in one another but we were only friends for a long time. Yes, it’s only recently that we have taken our relationship to a more intimate level.” She hears her father rustling uncomfortably behind her. “But we have been very close for a very long time. He constantly surprises me with how well he knows me.” She looks over to her mum. “Give him a chance Mutter. I think you might find yourself falling for him a bit yourself.”

 

“Oh he’s a charmer is he?” She teases.

 

“Oh yeah!” She laughs at that.

 

They’re quiet for awhile, her parents taking in the scenery of Southern California. Turning back from the window her mum looks over to her. “You know I just want you to be happy don’t you?”

 

Alex fears that she is going to tear up and that is not something she wants to do in LA traffic. Taking in a breath she smiles at her mum, “Yeah Mum, I do.” The rest of the ride is filled with updates on Suzie, and other members of the family.

 

The longer Alex is gone the more nervous Matt gets. He’s never met her parents before, not even at a Who function so he has no idea what to expect. That coupled with Alex’s concern that her parents weren’t sure about them has him about ready to jump out of his skin. His mum seems to be enjoying his nervous energy a bit too much. Salome has tried to calm him by plying him with biscuits.

 

He is out the door as soon as he hears the car in the driveway. He bounds out to the car with the energy of a new puppy while looking more like a newborn giraffe. Despite the flailing arms and legs he manages not to trip himself up. He goes right to Alex’s mum not waiting to be introduced. “Hi, I’m Matt.” She is surprised when he hugs her before turning to Alex’s father opting to shake his hand.

 

Alex observes their interaction from the boot of the car before coming over next to Matt. “So Mum, Dad this is Matt, my fiancé.” He looks over to her with that look he often gives her before looking back at her parents.

 

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Alex has of course talked about you for years. I’m surprised we’ve never met before.” Margarethe tells him.

 

“Yes, I was surprised when I realized that too.” Matt said.

 

“Of course it’s not like we haven’t seen you before. We watched you every week on the telly when you were the Doctor.” Tony adds to the conversation.

 

“Oh you watched?” Matt seems surprised.

 

“Oh yes, I have been a fan of the Doctor since the beginning.” Tony proclaimed proudly.

 

“Really? I had no idea. Although I should since Alex mentioned watching it when she was younger.” He looks over to her smiling and slings an arm around her shoulders to bring her close. “If I might ask…..not to put you on the spot or anything but who was your favorite Doctor?”

 

Tony laughs a full body laugh. “Well sorry son but Tom Baker was my Doctor. He was the one who really cemented the Doctor for me. Although as I was telling Alex earlier, you did one hell of a job taking over for Tennant. I enjoyed the hell out of your Doctor. Not to mention he got himself one hell of a wife!”

 

They both laugh. Matt hugs Alex a little tighter. “Yeah I thought so too.” He looks in her eyes. “That’s why I decided to keep her.”

 

“Ahh, thank you Sweetie!” She leans in giving him a quick kiss.

 

Salome comes bounding down the stairs. “Oma! Opa!” They quickly turn to their granddaughter.

 

“Liebling! Oh how much you’ve grown!” Her grandmother observes before taking her in for a strong hug. Her grandfather took his turn hugging her before they headed into the house peppering her with questions about her life. Matt helped Alex bring in the luggage taking it down to the guest room on the first floor.

 

Matt introduced her parents to his. His mum and hers quickly started talking about the wedding plans. Lynne relayed the latest details to Margarethe while Tony and David discussed the chances of finding a football game on American telly.

 

“I can’t believe they decided to get married on a beach! I mean what if it rains?” Lynne is telling Margarethe.

 

“Mum, it doesn’t rain very often in California. It’s not like were in Wales!” They all laugh.

 

“Yes but Liebling a beach? Isn’t that rather public?”

 

“Mutter, it’s not Venice Beach! It’s George’s private beach in Malibu. No one is going to bother us.”

 

“George Clooney has his own beach?” Margarethe asks.

 

Lynne nearly chokes on her tea. “Wait…you mean George is George Clooney?”

 

Matt smiles. He had been waiting for her to realize who George was. “Yes Mum, George is George Clooney who you mooned over for years.”

 

“I didn’t moon over him but really George Clooney?”

 

“Yes Lynne. I’ll be sure to tell him to come talk to you.” Alex is enjoying this interchange a bit too much.

 

“Wait! He’s coming?!?!” Lynne is practically beside herself.

 

“Hey Dad I think you might have some competition for Mum on the dance floor.” Honestly Lynne looks like she is about to faint. Matt comes over to her guiding her to a chair. “Now, now mum. It’s going to be fine.” She nods while sipping her tea.

 

He goes back over to Alex. “Well I think you just won the award for best daughter-in-law ever!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

With only two days until the wedding Matt gets a text from Arthur letting him know he has landed in LA. He’s going to stay at Karen’s while he is in town. Alex questions Matt about Arthur’s sleeping arrangements but he has no idea what may or may not be going on between Karen and Arthur. “Honestly Alex, I don’t think they have any idea either!”

 

When Karen gets a similar text she is out the door in a flash. Matt and Alex give each other a look of curiosity.

 

In the late afternoon he hears from Steven. He and Sue have checked into their hotel. They have business commitments for most of the day tomorrow but Steven says he can be available in the evening. ‘Will there be a stag party?’

 

Matt decides to be cheeky and responds with ‘Spoilers!’ He then texts Arthur letting him know they should plan something for tomorrow night. He just learned that Alex, Karen, and Nicola were going to spend the night at George’s beach house. He didn’t really want to be away from her but it was tradition for the bride not to see the groom before the wedding.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The house seemed so full. Alex was so used to it being just her and Salome for so long. It had been so easy when Matt arrived. It was like he belonged already. Now with two sets of parents, her sister, and Karen it was getting to be a bit overwhelming. She retreated to her bedroom for a little quiet time.

 

It was Salome who noticed she had gone missing and began to look for her. Knocking on her bedroom door she called out, “Mum?”

 

“Come in.” She called from her horizontal position on the bed.

 

Salome poked her head inside the doorway, “Hey! I just thought I’d check on you. Everything alright?”

 

“Yeah sure. Come on, join me.” She patted the area next to her on the bed.

 

Closing the door behind her she crawled onto the bed looking over to her mum who was staring at the ceiling. “Are you not feeling well?” There was real concern etched on her face.

 

“No, I’m fine. I..I just wanted to get away from all the noise for awhile.” She looks over to her daughter. “It’s so unusual for us to have so many people here at once.”

 

“Yeah true…but it is kinda fun!”

 

“That it is …..just a bit overwhelming.” She turns back to the ceiling.

 

“Mum, um… your…your not going to change your mind again ….are you?” Salome is worrying her bottom lip in the exact manner that Alex does when she is worried.

 

Looking back to her, “You mean about Matt?” She nods. Alex turns her whole body so she can better look at Salome. “No sweetheart I’m not.”

 

Salome lets out a big sigh and flops down on the bed. “Well good…..you had me worried!”

 

Alex chuckles at her. “No I think I know better now. I don’t want to be without him in my life.”

 

“Neither do I.” Salome utters.

 

“So you’re really ok with Matt and I getting married, and he becoming your step-father?”

 

“Of course, couldn’t you tell?”

 

“Well yes but we haven’t really talked about it …..just you and me. Are you worried about anything?”

 

Salome thought about things for a while before answering. “Mum, Matt has been your friend and mine for a long time. He always seemed to make you so happy. There were so many times I wished you would just date him. I would see how sad you would get, being alone. I suspected for a long time that it wasn’t just being alone but missing someone is particular.”

 

“You never said.”

 

“It wasn’t my place. I was just a little kid but it doesn’t mean I didn’t see things. I saw how he looked at you and you him. I saw him trying so hard to be there for us whenever we needed it.” She paused as if she was thinking of something in particular. “Do you remember the time I was so disappointed that we couldn’t go to the zoo in London? You had to go back into work.”

 

“Um vaguely…you were still pretty little….maybe 8 or 9?”

 

She nods. “Yeah well Matt came over and spent the whole day with me and the sitter. We created a whole zoo in the flat with my stuffed animals and as we would go from exhibit to exhibit he would make all of the animal sounds. We had such fun that day.”

 

Alex is wrinkling her nose. “Why did you not tell me about it then?”

 

She’s biting her bottom lip again. “Well….Matt asked me not to. He told me that he didn’t want me to be disappointed that we couldn’t go to the zoo and that he knew that you would feel guilty about not being able to take me. He didn’t want you to feel bad.”

 

Alex smiles at her daughter.

 

“You see mum he was always there taking care of us.”

 

“Yes, yes he was. Sometimes I wonder how I could have been so blind to how wonderful he really is.”

 

She holds her daughter both thinking about how glad that Matt was in their lives now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They were startled from their peace and quiet when the doorbell rang followed by excited voices. Heading downstairs they followed the voices. At the front door Nicola is hugging her husband who has just arrived from England. She turns and introduces him to Matt. “Nice to meet you Michael. You should have told us your flight; I would have picked you up.”

 

“Oh it was no problem. I’m used to traveling for business, just hopped into a cab.” Spying Alex coming down the stairs. “Hey there sister-in-law.” He comes over giving her a big hug. Pulling back, “So getting married, huh?” She blushes. “It looks good on you!” After greeting Salome, the family moves to the patio where they enjoy afternoon lemonade and biscuits.

 

Popping back inside to make more lemonade Matt can’t help but follow Alex. He wraps his arms around her from the back while she continues squeezing the lemons, his head resting on her shoulder. “Just look at them”, he says while looking at their families mingling on the patio, “they fit together as well as we do.” He squeezes her tighter as she leans into him turning to kiss his cheek.

 

“They do, don’t they. And to think I was so worried.” Alex laughs nervously.

 

He turns her in his arms kissing the tip of her nose. “That’s something you need to stop doing. We’ve both worried enough for several lifetimes. I think it’s time we just enjoy each other, our families, and the fact that in a few days we will be husband and wife.”

 

She can’t help but smile at him. Every time she hears him say husband and wife and knowing he’s talking about them it makes her giddy. Her hands slide up from his chest to wrap around his neck. “Looking forward to it Mr. Smith.”

 

“Me too, the future Mrs. Smith.” Leaning down he captures her lips in his enjoying this quiet moment for just the two of them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A little while later Alex and Nicola say their good byes as they are staying at George’s beach house tonight. On the way they will be picking up Karen. It was tradition for the bride to spend the night away from her future husband, and Nicola and Karen insisted that she deserved a bit of a hen night.

 

Salome was going to stay at the house with the grandparents so that left Matt, Arthur, and Michael to plan a stag night. When they call Steven to invite him he suggests they meet at his hotel. “There is an International bar here with great lagers and wines.” They all agreed to meet there at seven.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Nicola and Karen spent the first half hour looking around George’s house. “I still can’t believe I’m in George Clooney’s house!” Karen keeps saying.

 

When they come back to the great room overlooking the beach Alex is behind the bar setting out wine glasses. A bottle of red and a bottle of white are opened on the counter. After the wine is poured they raise their glasses for a toast. Nicola looks to her sister. “May you always be as happy as you are in this moment, sis.” Alex smiles.

 

Karen adds, “I hope that you and Matt make each other ridiculously happy.” Karen grins at her.

 

Alex chooses to toast as well. “May we always be blessed with family and friends that we love.”

 

“Ahhhh!” Nicola and Karen ooh before they each take a drink.

 

They carry the bottles out to the deck. Sitting they feel the ocean breeze as they hear the crash of the waves against the shore. The sun is slowly making its way down past the horizon shimmering a golden orange over the water.

 

They talk through the first bottle then the next. Mostly they talk about Matt and Alex but then the conversation turns to Arthur and Karen.

 

“So Karen what’s going on with you and Arthur?” Alex asks out of the blue.

 

“Wha……What?” Karen sputters.

 

Not missing a beat Nicola jumps in, “Yeah Karen what _is_ going on with you and Arthur?”

 

“What are you talking about? There is no me and Arthur. We are just friends who used to work together.” Alex can’t help but notice that Karen doesn’t meet their eyes as she speaks.

 

“Honestly Karen do you really believe that? Because we don’t!” Alex chides her in a friendly manner. Even in the moonlight it was easy to see Karen blush the same shade as her hair. Leaving the outdoor settee she walks to the railing leaning out staring at the ocean.

 

Alex looks over to Nicola wondering if she has hurt her friend’s feelings and how best to resolve this. She joins Karen at the railing looking at the ocean as well, not sure what to say, she remains silent. After several minutes of watching the waves Karen speaks her voice quiet and unsure. “I didn’t think anyone else could tell.”

 

She looks over to her watching her as she continues to stare into the water. “Could tell what dear?”

 

She turns her head to look at Alex. “That I had fallen for him.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Matt, Arthur, and Michael arrive at the hotel a little after seven. Steven is already in the bar having secured them a table in the corner away from prying eyes. Already set up on the table was a lager and a scotch whiskey shot for each. Noticing the glasses on the table he was glad that Arthur had insisted on a limo for their big night.

 

“Moff!” Matt drags him into a one armed handshake hug. Steven then shakes Arthur’s hand before Matt introduces him to Michael. “So what’s all this?” Matt indicates all the glasses laid out on the table.

 

“Well want to get the night off to a good start, eh?” Steven wiggles his eyebrows at them with a smirk on his face.

 

“Ok, but don’t get me so drunk I forget to get married tomorrow!” He proclaims before flopping in his chair.

 

“Yeah, like that’s going to happen!” Arthur deadpans. “Even with amnesia you’d still want to marry Alex!”

 

They all laugh. “So true Arthur, so true.” Matt admits. “I don’t think I could ever forget wanting to be with Alex.”

 

“Ok, ok before this turns into a hen night let’s get some drinking started.” Moff announces as he brings his shot glass to the center. The others join him with theirs. “To Matt and Alex!”   They all down their shots before starting on their lagers.

 

The night turns into a roast of Matt as Steven and Arthur tell tales about his on and off set mishaps, especially where Alex was involved. By the end of the night Michael felt like he had known Matt for ages instead of a few hours.

 

Michael had brought up the idea of stealing Nicola from their hen night to have some alone time with her. With two boys having alone time was a rare thing. Matt whole heartedly endorsed the idea since it would give him a chance to see Alex. Arthur didn’t object which Matt noted in his continuing speculation about him and Karen.

 

Steven bade them good-bye as he drunkenly walked to the elevator from the bar. Just as drunkenly, perhaps even a bit more, Matt, Arthur, and Michael made their way to their waiting limo out front.

 

On the way they had devised the idea that they would serenade them outside the house. Practically falling out of the limo they right themselves preparing to entertain the ladies. Arthur had found the music on his iPhone to aid them in their performance. Knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell he jumped back between Arthur and Michael when he heard footsteps coming to the door.

 

As soon as the door opened they began singing ‘You Are So Beautiful!”. Alex surrounded by Karen and Nicola couldn’t help but to giggle at them as they sweetly tried to serenade them. As they sang the last line “You are so beautiful, to me”, Matt fell to his knees with his arms out towards Alex. To his left Michael did the same stretching towards Nicola. Arthur repeated their action looking in Karen’s direction.

 

They clapped softly before stepping out to greet them. Alex reached Matt first pulling him up to her she immediately latched onto his mouth kissing him with great passion. “I was hoping I would get to see you tonight husband-to-be.” She said as she leaned back to grin naughtily at him. He waggled his eyebrows at her before taking her lips in his again.

 

Nicola nearly jumped into her husband’s arms. It been ages since he had done anything remotely this romantic and she had missed it……and missed him. After parting for breath she leaned into his forehead panting, “I missed you husband.”

 

Emboldened from her earlier conversation with Alex, Karen sauntered over to Arthur enfolding him in her arms. With her mouth just centimeters from his ear she whispered, “I have missed you fake husband.” He allowed his arms to tighten around her holding her for longer that was proper but not really caring in this moment.

 

After several moments Matt spoke up. “So anyways we have an additional reason for being here.”

 

“Oh really? What’s that?” She is giving him her naughtiest look.

 

He blushes all the way to the tips of his ears. “Alex! No! Honestly!” She laughs at him. He is so adorable when he is flustered.

 

Michael then speaks up continuing to look at Nicola as he speaks. “We are here to kidnap Nicola.” Pulling her tighter in his embrace, “I would very much like to spend some alone time with my wife!”

 

“Ahhhh!” They hear from Karen.

 

“Alright Nic! Looks like one of us is going to get some tonight!” Alex teases her sister.

 

Blushing she drops her head into her husband’s chest. Looking over to Alex, “Hey just cause you’re the only one getting married doesn’t mean you’re the only one who gets romance.” She reaches up to kiss her husband accepting his invitation. Taking her by the hand he leads her back into the limo.

 

Arthur isn’t sure what to say to Karen so he just sorts of waves before heading to the car himself while she steps inside the doorway of the house.

 

Still holding each other Matt gives her one final kiss before they part. “I’m going to miss you tonight.”

 

“I’m going to miss you too, darling.”

 

“The next time I see you we will be getting married!”

 

“I know! I still can’t believe it.”  
  
“Believe it Kingston. We are going to be amazing!” With one more peck on her lips he too ducks into the limo. As they depart Alex stands there waving at him, lost in her thoughts of Matt and love and weddings.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After dropping off Nicola and Michael at his hotel, the driver takes Matt and Arthur back to Alex’s. When they enter it is obvious that everyone in the house is asleep. The rooms are dark and there are no sounds even coming from Salome’s room. Getting them both a beer Matt leads them to the back patio where they won’t wake anyone.

 

They sit in the cushioned chairs putting their feet on the ottoman. Taking a long pull of their beer their eyes take in the stars. The night sky seems full of them tonight. This is a bit unusual for LA, usually everything around them is so bright the stars are hard to see. This night they seem to be twinkling just for them.

 

“Is there anything else I need to do before tomorrow’s big event?” Arthur asks.

 

“Just get me to the beach on time and not lose the rings!” He announces.

 

“Get me to the beach on time…..that sounds like a song we should write.” He muses.

 

“Nope sorry, you’re not convincing me to stay up all night to write a song with you. I want to be well rested for tomorrow.”

 

“I wouldn’t think of it. Alex would have my head besides I didn’t bring my guitar.” They laugh.

 

They continue staring at the stars when Matt finally asks, “So Arthur…..you and Karen? What’s going on there?”

 

Choking on his beer, he sits up looking over at Matt. “Me and Karen? I told you before there isn’t anything going on there. Were just friends.”

 

“So you’ve said but that looked like something outside of George’s place.” He tilts his beer back letting Arthur think.

 

“I think she was just caught up in the moment of your romantic gesture. It was nothing.”

 

“If you say so but I think you’re missing all the signs mate. I just hope you don’t need a life changing wake up call to get it.”

 

“Huh? What are you talking about? What life changing wake up call?”

 

Matt realizes he has revealed more than he wanted to and really doesn’t want to have this conversation the night before his wedding. “Never mind.” He says in a tone that lets Arthur know he was not going to elaborate.

 

They fell into silence, and eventually sleep. Sleeping under the stars Matt dreams of the life he and Alex are going to have and he can’t wait to get it started.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't mind this chapter was a bit long. I was so enjoying the interaction between everyone I didn't have the heart to delete any of it. I hope you are still enjoying the story. One more chapter to go!


	30. We’re Going to the Chapel ...um I mean the Beach!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so what was supposed to be the last chapter got just toooo long so I decided to break it into two.... possibly three .... no really just two... I think! I hope that's ok?

Alex wakes to the quiet chirp of her phone letting her know she has a message. Reaching blindly for the nightstand she retrieves it bringing it close to her.

 

_‘Good Morning Beautiful! Can’t wait until I can call you my wife (for real)! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’_ -M

 

‘That ridiculous man’, she thinks as she thinks about her response.

 

‘ _Well husband to be – it won’t be long now!! I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!_ –A

 

‘My god now he’s got me using a million exclamation marks!’ She cradles the phone into her chest as she falls back against the pillows…….and hits something definitely not a pillow!! Her heart racing she reaches behind her confirming that it definitely is a person …..a rather skinny one.

 

“Alex, quit poking me! I’m trying to sleep!!”

 

Quickly pulling herself into a sitting position she realizes that it is only Karen and breathes a sigh of relief. She looks around to survey her surroundings. This doesn’t look like the guest room she laid her stuff out in last night. In fact this looks more like the master suite.

 

Poking Karen again, “Karen why are we in George’s bed?”

 

A wave of red hair flies up as Karen fixes her with a stare that says she would much rather be sleeping than having this conversation. “What?”

 

“I said why are we in George’s bed?”

 

Karen looks around as she slowly shakes off sleep. Sitting up she pulls the duvet around her letting her hair fall against her face. “Don’t you remember?” Alex shakes her head, worrying her bottom lip. “Remember after we had a few shots we said how the press would have a field day if they knew we were at George’s house. And you said that if you were going to get accused of sleeping with Clooney that you should at least get to sleep in his bed.”

 

Slowly the memories are coming back to her. “Ok, but why are you here?”

 

“Hey I wanted to sleep with Clooney too!”

 

“Not Clooney, just his bed!” Alex admonishes her.

 

“That was your restriction. I have no such mandate!” She states petulantly.

 

“Karen – you wouldn’t?” Alex seems properly shocked.

 

“Hmm….I don’t know….maybe.” Her grin disarms Alex not knowing if she’s serious or teasing her.

 

They get up Karen heading to the shower while Alex makes tea. She walks out to the deck watching the waves constant motion. She can’t help but remember the day her and Matt came here. It seems so very long ago and yet as if no time has past at all. Her head had been spinning from Matt’s revelations. He had declared that he loved her and she had finally admitted the same to him. Despite the joy those declarations brought his diagnosis weighed heavily on both their hearts.

 

She had brought him here that day for clarity and peace. The ocean always did that for her. As she looks out to the vast water before her into the far horizon she feels at peace. She knows this is where she wants to be and what she wants to do. Marrying Matt feels right. She breathes deep the ocean breeze feeling the tranquility within her. She can’t stop herself, a wide grin transforms her face. ‘Matt and I are getting married!’

 

Her peaceful musings are interrupted by chatter from behind her. Turning slightly she sees Salome bounding towards her. “Hello sweetheart!” Alex wraps her arms around her. Releasing her one arm she turns them back towards the ocean leaning on the rail watching the waves hit the shore again and again. They don’t need words in this moment. Salome loves the ocean as much as Alex.

 

Finally she looks over to her mum, “So Mum are you sure about getting married now? She continues to watch her intently as she responds.

 

Turning her head in her direction it wasn’t difficult to spot the grin she was wearing. “I haven’t been surer about anything in my life.”

 

She pulls her arms tighter around her mum. “I know Matty will make you happy Mum and that’s all I want for you, for you to be happy.” Tears welling in her eyes she looks over to Alex to see that hers have already started down her cheeks.

 

They both start laughing at each other. “Well it’s a good thing we got this out of the way now before I did my make-up.” They laugh harder before turning to head back into the house.

 

Nicola and Karen are sitting at the kitchen bar going over last minute details for the wedding. Entering the kitchen Alex eyes focused on Nicola while getting more tea. “So Nic, how was the date last night?” she stands across from them while sipping her tea.

 

Her sister blushes then raises her eyebrows to her. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

 

“Yes, I would! I think it’s about time we talk about something other than my love life.”

 

“Well, not today! Today is all about you.”

 

“And Matty!” Salome chimed in.

 

“And Matt.” Nicola agreed.

 

Alex heads off to take her shower. When she returns there is a beautiful brunch laid out on the breakfast bar. “What’s all this?”

 

“There’s a card.” Nic hands her an envelope.

 

Inside she reads, “To nourish your bodies while you prepare for your big day. We love you. Love Mutter and Papa and future Mum and Dad.”

 

“Oh this is so lovely! I can’t believe they thought of this.”

 

They spend the early afternoon giving each other manicures and pedicures. It is so wonderful to just spend time with each other and have girly fun. As the afternoon sun lowers they each get more keyed up about getting dressed for the ceremony later that day.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

 

Matt has been bouncing around the house since he sent off his text to Alex that morning. Despite the copious amounts of alcohol he drank last night he can feel nothing except the joy of knowing he is marrying the woman he loves.

 

Arthur finally awoke from his stupor several hours after him. Matt had already made tea for everyone and heated up Alex’s scones (without burning them!) Slowly the house awoke around him. His mum and Alex’s mum the first to arrive in the kitchen grateful for already prepared tea. Margarethe savored the scones proclaiming that they were nearly as good as the ones she makes.

 

Matt was shocked that Salome was the next to arrive in the kitchen. “Good morning poppet! Didn’t expect to see you this early!”

 

Snagging a scone she looks his way, “Well it’s not everyday I get a new step-dad, didn’t want to miss a minute of it.” Her smile radiates how happy she is.

 

Matt’s a little choked up as he thinks, ‘Step-dad! Wow! I can’t wait!!’ He strides over to her bringing his long arms around her holding her tight. “Poppet, I can’t wait to be your step-dad.” Even he’s surprised that his voice wavers and his eyes seem to be tearing at the edges.

 

Squeezing him around his waist she sighs, “Me too!” Their quiet moment is interrupted by a text on her phone.

 

“That’s Aunt Nicola. She’s picking me up on her way out to the beach. I love you Matty. I’m so happy you are marrying my mum.”

 

He’s not ready to let go of her just yet pulling her back for another hug. Leaning back to look at her he asks her, “You know I’ll take care of her, don’t you?”

 

“Of course I do. I don’t think there is anyone else I would trust her with than you.”

 

Trying to keep his composure he chokes out, “Thank you.”

 

She pops up kissing his cheek as she heads towards the door. “Just make sure you get to the beach on time! …and no accidents!” She warns. He laughs at her as he watches her get into the limo with Nicola.

 

Closing the door he turns around to see Margarethe standing there. She is smiling but there is a seriousness underneath. “Matt, I think it’s time you and I had a talk. Come walk with me.” She takes his arm and leads them towards the garden.

 

They walk in silence through the house, onto the patio, and finally into Alex’s garden. The flowers are in full bloom and there are fragrances all around them. The longer the silence continues the more nervous Matt gets. “You know I have been watching you …..with Alex …..and Salome.” He nods. He wouldn’t have expected anything less. “You seem to love them both very much.” He physically relaxed.

 

“I do, very much.” They continued their walk ambling around the meandering paths that Alex had created in amongst her flowers.

 

She stopped turning to look at him. “Is that enough?”

 

Her question threw him. “Um….is what enough?” He was truly baffled by her question.

 

“Is love enough? The two of you have a lot of obstacles. Will you be able to overcome them?”

 

Looping his arm through hers he continues their walk. “I know from the outside it looks like Alex and I shouldn’t work. There’s the age difference, living on different continents, her not able to have children, already having a daughter. I’ve heard it all, even from Alex herself but you see…..” This time he stops to look at her. “we do work….we have for a long time.”

 

He resumes their walking. “Alex and I have been friends since the day we met. Through our work and our living quarters in Cardiff we became closer. We could talk about most anything to each other. I can’t really pinpoint when my feelings changed from loving her as a friend to being in love with her but I can tell you it feels like I have always felt this way.” Their walk seems to be taking them in the direction of the hobby house.

 

“It’s never felt like we have an age difference so for me it does not matter. Alex worries about what others will say but I’m not sure that bothers her so much anymore. We won’t always be on two different continents. We both work all over the world. It is my hope that we can choose work commitments that allow us to be close to one another. I’m sure there will be times when that isn’t possible but isn’t that what many other couples face?” Margarethe seems to be listening intently to him and nods at his casual question.

 

“As far as children…..we’ve discussed it. I’m not sure it would be fair to bring children into our busy lives. Alex’s one regret is that she hasn’t been able to be there everyday of her daughter’s life. I don’t think she gets that she’s probably a better mum because she values their time. I have seen her run herself ragged barely getting sleep so she could talk to her daughter each day.”

 

They’re nearly at the entrance to the hobby house when he turns becoming more animated as he talks. “And Salome….. I think I fell in love with her at first sight as well. In my heart I have always felt like a father, or a favorite uncle to her. She may be the only child I have and I’m ok with that. Alex and Salome are my family and I’m theirs.”

 

Without realizing it he has walked them into Alex’s studio. It quickly dawns on him that Alex might not want her mum to see her work. Margarethe stops, looking around the old barn, taking in the paintings on the wall, Alex’s work space, her paints, her brushes. Getting closer she can’t help but run her fingers over the bristles of the brushes. Being an artist herself she feels the pull of the canvas and the smell of the paint as it draws her further into the room.

 

He leans against the doorway watching her process the sights of paintings and paint, the smell of canvas and linseed oil, and his words of love for Alex and Salome. She says nothing as she leisurely walks around the space pausing occasionally to take in a particular painting. It is not until she sees Alex’s latest painting resting on her easel that she gasps. It holds her gaze for longer than the rest.

 

Curious he goes to stand next to her surprised to see himself staring back at him. Of course he knew Alex was painting his portrait. For days and weeks he had posed for her. He hadn’t seen it this finished, and it looked like it was finished. He had to admit he was pleased that she was able to capture his love for her in his face. It was that face that Kaz always made fun of him for. It was when he looked completely and totally in love with her.

 

He glances sideways at her mum noticing she’s beginning to sniffle. Without thinking about it he wraps an arm around her shoulder. Its a few more minutes before the silence is broken as they both take in the meaning of the painting. “You are a good man Matthew Smith.” She turns to speak directly to him. “I think you may be just what my daughter and her daughter need in their life.”

 

A smile breaks out on his face, “Does that mean you approve of us getting married?”

 

“Would that really matter?” She sounds a bit surprised at his question.

 

“I think it matters to Alex. Your opinion means a lot to her. She feels that she has disappointed you with her previous attempts at marriage.”

 

She pats his hand. “From the little bit I know about you young man you have those two beat already.”

 

Chuffed, his smile grows broader. “But know…” The tone of her voice leaving no doubt to its sincerity. “If you hurt her in any way…..or Salome….. you will have to answer to me!”

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way!” He responds with equal sincerity.

 

She breaks the heaviness of the moment by announcing that they should get back to the house for brunch. When he enters the kitchen he sees food spread all over the counter with a card propped at the end, his name on the envelope. Opening it he reads:

 

“Congratulations on choosing a wonderful bride! Love Mum and Dad.

Welcome to the family from your new Mutter and Papa!”

 

He looks up to see them all looking at him. “Wow, thank you. Let’s eat!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After brunch the day seemed to speed up with all of the activity happening at once. Alex’s parents got ready first and the limo driver drove them to the beach house. His parents were waiting on Laura to arrive. Arthur had volunteered to go pick her up at the airport and they were anxiously awaiting their arrival.

 

It was nearly half two before they got there, Laura bounding into the house throwing her arms around Matt. “Matty I can’t believe you are getting married!” He hugged her tightly. As she squirmed in his arms she teased, “Never thought we’d find anyone who would take you off our hands!” At that he started to tickle her until she was gasping for breath.

 

His mum swatted him on his arm making him stop. “Matthew Robert, stop torturing your sister!”

 

“What!?! Why is it always my fault? She started it!”

 

“Really? What are you five?” She nudged him away so she could give her daughter a big hug. Laura stuck her tongue out at him over her mum’s shoulder.

 

Her dad then took over the hugging whispering in her ear, “By the way I’m onto the innocent act.” She looked at him wide eyed and he smiled at her. “Just give him a break for his special day, ok?” She nodded smiling back at him.

 

An hour later Laura and her parents were dressed and ready. “See you at the beach.” His mum said as they headed out to the limo.

 

“Just promise me your not going to nic any of George’s pants while your there mum?” He teased.

 

Lynne’s face turned bright red. “Matthew Robert if it wasn’t your wedding day I would throttle you!” She shook her fist at him.

 

He beamed back at her as she made her way to the waiting car.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

There was just him and Arthur left at the house. Arthur came up to him his hand clasped onto his shoulder. “So you doing alright?”

 

He looked over to him and smiled. He _was_ doing alright, he wasn’t nervous or scared, not like he thought he might be. ‘I suppose Alex and I got that out of the way last week.’ He thinks as he remembers those awful days when he thought he had lost her forever.

 

Turning to Arthur he says, “Let’s get dressed. I’m getting married!” It doesn’t take them long to get ready and Matt even remembers where he had put the rings, placing them in Arthur’s hands for safe keeping. He’s not nervous but the level of excitement threatens to bounce him off the walls.

 

“I think it’s time we get you to the beach before you crash into something and I have to take you to hospital.” With that they head out for the waiting limo that will take him to the woman he loves.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alex is still in her dressing gown when her parents arrive at the beach house. Salome goes out to greet them. A few minutes later there is a knock on the master bedroom door where they are getting ready. Her mum’s head pops in. “Ok, if I come in?”

 

“Of course.” She says while Nicola continues to fuss with her hair. Karen had been playing make-up artist and had done an amazing job. Her mum inches into the room taking in the sight of her but keeping quiet.

 

Nicola looks over to Karen giving her a signal. “Hey Alex can Nicola and I leave you for a few minutes we need to go check on a few things?” Alex nods seeing through their lie immediately.

 

Nicola places her hand against her mum’s arm as she passes by in affection. “You look beautiful Liebling!” Her mum says as she comes closer.

 

“Thank you. This is just my dressing gown….wait until you see the dress. It is so beautiful!” She gushes.

 

Her mum sits next to her on the bed taking her hand in hers. “I..I…we want you to be happy in this marriage Alexandra. Matt seems to really love you and it is easy to see how much you love him as well. Love each other….be happy!” A tear races down her cheek as she smiles back at her mother. “Now none of that! Karen will be cross with me for ruining your make-up.” They both giggle at each other.

 

“Thank you Mutter! It means so much to me that you like Matt.”

 

“I do.” She pats her daughter’s hand. “He definitely seems to love you and he seems to know you very well….and _still_ wants to marry you.” Alex playfully swats at her mum’s arm. “I think you are very lucky my dear.”

 

Nicola pops her head in not sure what to expect. She seems surprised by the smiling. “Um Alex, we should probably get you in your dress now.”

 

Alex nods in agreement. “May I stay?” Her mum asks.

 

“Of course.” She hugs her mum tightly before heading over to where her dress hangs next to the mirrored closet.

 

Nicola, Karen, and Salome come back into the room. Salome sits next to her grandmother on the bed; her grandmother wrapping an arm around her and resting her head against hers for a moment. Karen gently unzips the gown and removes it from the hanger. Holding the bottom out Nicola slips it over Alex’s head being careful not to muss her hair while Karen brings it down to her shoulders. Karen continues the process of buttoning the crystal buttons after Alex turns to her mum and daughter.

 

“Oh Liebling! You look so beautiful!” Her mum dabs at the tears forming in her eyes.

 

“Mum, I know I said this before but Matt is going to faint when he sees you! You look gorgeous in this dress.”

 

She looks over to her sister whose eyes seem a bit watery as well. “Oh sis that dress was made for you! It’s perfect!”

 

There’s a knock at the door. “May I come in?” Lynne appears in the doorway. At the sight of Alex in her dress her hands cover her lips. “Oh Alex….you look exquisite! Matt is going to die when he sees you!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	31. With this Ring……

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry to have worried you all with the ending of the last chapter. That was completely unintentional. It tells me that I have not been kind to your hearts so far. Rest assured there are only nice surprises ahead.
> 
> The ending is in two parts due to length. The final chapter will be posted later today.

Matt and Arthur arrive walking around to the gate leading to the beach. They had been told in no uncertain terms that they could not come in the house and risk seeing the bride. His dad, Alex’s dad, and Nicola’s husband are engaged in conversation when they see them coming. “Well there he is!” His father says coming over to him. “You clean up quite nice there son.”

 

“Thanks Dad. Do you think Alex will approve?” He does a little twirl.

 

“Yeah I think she will. Thank god you didn’t wear one of your awful band shirts!”

 

“Dad! Their classics!” He just rolls his eyes and heads back to the other gentleman.

 

“Where is everyone else?” He asks as he joins them.

 

“Well all the ladies are in fussing about dresses and makeup or some such stuff.” He looks down at his watch. “It’s not much longer. They should be ready soon.”

 

The caterers have been mingling with the guests offering sparkling waters along with light canapés.   “It’s about time!” Matt turns as he hears the distinctive Scottish brogue of Steven coming down the stairs along with Sue.

 

His former boss pulls him into a tight hug. “I can’t believe you two are finally getting married. It’s about time.”

 

Sue tuts at him as she moves him away so she can hug Matt also. “Don’t mind him. He actually thinks this is all because of him.” She teases. Matt and Arthur laugh.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The officiant taps Matt on the shoulder. “I think it is time to begin.” Matt nods as he looks over to Arthur. Arthur nods back in understanding coming over to him.

 

“So are you ready?” He asks with a smile.

 

“I’ve been ready since I first laid eyes on her!” He grins back. They walk to the wrought iron gazebo that they had erected on the beach where the ceremony will take place. The cream colored roof framed the view of the ocean as the backdrop for the wedding. Woven around the uprights were intertwined gold and silver fabrics replicating the colors of their wedding.   The officiant stood before a small table that had been placed in the center with cascades of flowers from Alex’s garden. Matt practically danced up the aisle of beach to get there; Arthur laughing at him from behind.

 

The few guests who weren’t in the wedding had taken their seats listening to the string quartet play a medley of wedding songs. He couldn’t stand still, well that wasn’t that unusual but this time it was even harder. He was beyond joy that they had made it to this day.

 

As he listened to the strains of songs he has heard at friends and family weddings he thought of how impossible this day was. All the times he loved her but dared not say and all the time she was harboring the same feelings, same fears. It’s a wonder they admitted the truth. He knows, of course he knows, that if it wasn’t for him dying (well believing he was dying) that they may never have told each other their hearts desire. That saddens him in that moment and his constant movement stills. That if it wasn’t for something he thought was the end of him; they would never have this beginning. He’s not sure if he believes in God but in this moment he chooses to thank him anyways….for his life….and his love.

 

As the song changes he sees his mum being escorted down the stairs by Steven. She’s happy he’s marrying Alex. He’s seen it in their exchanges. She loves her too. Before sitting next to his father she kisses his cheek whispering ‘We love you.” Steven takes his place next to Arthur. They look quite dapper in their matching crème suits and silver paisley waistcoat.

 

Next is Alex’s mum being escorted by Nicola’s husband. He remembers their conversation earlier in the garden and hopes that he has alleviated her fears about him with her girls. She’s smiling at him and he chooses to believe that is a good sign.

 

As the music changes to _A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes_ he sees Salome coming down the stairs _._ He is sure her hold on the bouquet of flowers is tight as her face betrays her nerves. He knows that she is not nervous about them getting married; she told him how happy she was about that. No, this is about Salome being shy even around her family. It was one of reasons they let her choose the song for her entrance. From Cinderella he thinks she said. As he watches her walk up the aisle he catches her eye and her nervous smile grows into a happy one. She looks so grown up in the long silver dress. He can’t help wonder. ‘Where is our little girl?’ Meeting her near the end of the aisle he offers her the crook of his arm which she gladly accepts allowing him to escort her to her place but not releasing her until he kisses her temple.

 

When he goes back to his place next to Arthur, Nicola is already halfway down the aisle. He looks to her husband watching him watch her. It is obvious the affection they have for one another. ‘Wait! Did she just shimmy at Michael in her sleek silver dress? She is just as cheeky as Alex!” As Nicola passes Matt she winks at him and he blushes to the tips of his ears. Arthur clasps him on his shoulder, “You alright there mate?”

 

“Um, yeah….” Then Matt catches sight of Karen. Arthur’s eyes follow to where Matt is looking. Karen is a vision coming down the stairs. The silver body hugging dress accentuates her figure while the shimmery overlay blows in the breeze. Behind him Matt hears a gasp and turns to see Arthur’s jaw drop at the sight of her.   Matt thinks, ‘This just might be the day he finally admits (at least to himself) that his feelings for Karen are not at all brotherly in nature.’ Karen can’t help her excitement bouncing a bit before giving Matt a huge hug. She smiles at Arthur as she steps over to her place next to Nicola.

 

The quartet changes to _Here Comes the Bride_ as Alex makes her entrance on her father’s arm. As he sees her his heart begins to race. He didn’t think she could look more beautiful but she looks astounding. The champagne gold colored underlay glimmers in the sunset. The intricately beaded overlay flows with the breeze accentuating her curves. He recognizes the flowers she especially chose from her garden and as she gets closer he can see some in her hair that she has kept mostly down. He knows that’s for him. He loves her hair.

 

Alex swears that she floated down the stairs and across the sand because she doesn’t remember touching the ground. There he is waiting for her. ‘God he looks gorgeous.’ He is wearing a crème colored tux with a collarless jacket and pleated pants. It looks very hip on him. She can’t help but notice that the champagne paisley waistcoat hugging his body matches perfectly with her gown. As he watches her walk towards him he absently adjusts the champagne bow tie around his neck looking so much more dashing than when he wore one as the Doctor.

 

She hardly registers her father putting her hand in Matt’s or kissing her cheek she is so wrapped up in looking at him. ‘He’s here! We’re here!’ This hardly seems possible. A few short months ago she was alone, except for her daughter and thought she probably always would be. Now because of a twist of fate this impossible man is going to be her husband. She can’t stop smiling.

 

He can’t stop smiling either. They’re a matched set of smiling idiots. Holding each others hands they stand before their friends and family waiting to start their lives together.

 

“Dearly beloved we are gathered here on this day to unite Matthew Robert Smith and Alexandra Elizabeth Kingston in holy matrimony. This is an estate that is not to be entered into lightly but reverently. If there is anyone who has any reason why these two should not wed speak now or forever hold your peace.” There is absolute quiet as no one speaks, even the seagulls kept their peace as if giving their own approval of this union.

 

“Alex and Matthew have chosen to speak from the heart on this day as they make their commitments to one another.” He nods to Alex to begin.

 

Holding onto him tightly her cheeks ache with the joy in her smile as she begins. “Matt I can’t believe we are here….on our wedding day.” She giggles at him. “When we met I wasn’t ready to love you but that didn’t stop you from loving me anyways. With every action, every word, every moment you let me know that I was loved. It could be as simple as bringing me a cup of tea or spending your entire weekend taking care of me when I was sick. As I’ve looked back I realized that you have always loved me and have always shown me that love. I only wish I had been ready sooner to accept it.”

 

“I do love you this day and for many before it. I love how you immerse yourself in whatever project you are doing, I love that you find simple things fun and have helped me embrace my childish side. I love that you love my daughter, our daughter, as if she were your own and always have. I love that you love me flawed as I am despite the flaws and imperfections and sometimes even because of them. I can’t imagine living a day without you in it and I am so very grateful that I don’t have to.” She takes a step closer to him tears having spilled down her cheeks. “I love you always and completely.”

 

She can see his eyes glistening; his eyes never wavered from hers the entire time she spoke. Bringing their hands to his lips he kisses across her knuckles smiling back at her. He leans back so that he can look on her fully his hands perfectly entwined with hers. “Alex I think I fell for you the moment I saw you.” He hears laughter from around them. “Well yes I did fall at your feet that first day but I also fell in love. I don’t think I knew it yet. I didn’t understand why I felt so differently around you, or…or had this need to take care of you. When I realized it was love I wondered how I could not of known that. There isn’t a thing I don’t love about you. I love the adorable way you bite your bottom lip when you worry, or the way your magic hair springs back at my touch.” He reaches out tugging on a curl, watching it spring back. “I love that you have never let me get away with anything and tell me what you think, even if I don’t want to hear it.” Again he hears laughter from their families. “I love that you have believed in me always, even in the beginning when even I didn’t believe in me. I love that you are always there for me, supporting me in whatever way I need….even when it hurts. I love you Alex with everything that I am and I will always love you.” He comes closer pressing his forehead into hers again as if to imprint his words into her.

 

She held tight to his hand while his other caressed her cheek. The officiant leaned into Matt, “I believe you have something for me?”

 

He took a step back from Alex her hand still in his as his other tugged at his bow tie. After pulling it from his neck he handed it to the officiant and took Alex’s other trembling hand in his. The officiant wrapped their hands together in the material the ends daggling in the breeze. They heard a few sniffles from their family but dared not look their way.

 

“Alexandra Elizabeth do you give yourself freely to Matthew, to have and to hold from this day forward, to honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?”

 

“I do.”

 

Matthew Robert do you give yourself freely to Alexandra, to have and to hold from this day forward, to honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?”

 

“I do.”

 

“Alex and Matt, as your hands are bound together now, so your lives and spirits are joined in a union of love and trust. The bond of marriage is not formed by these cords, but rather by the vows you have made. For always you hold in your own hands the fate of this union. Above you are stars and below you is earth. Like stars your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow.”

“May these hands be blessed this day. May they always hold each other. May they have the strength to hang on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. May they remain tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. May they build a relationship founded in love, and rich in caring. May these hands be healer, protector, shelter, and guide for each other.”

The officiant undoes the cloth handing it back to Alex. She puts it around his neck tying it into his beloved bow tie. They can’t stop smiling at each other.

“Alex and Matt have chosen to exchange rings.” Arthur fumbles into his pockets finally producing the rings and placing them in the officiant’s outstretched hand. “Wedding rings are a symbol of everlasting love, there is no beginning, there is no end.” He extends his hand to Matt who takes Alex’s ring.

First he removes her engagement ring from her left hand and places it on her right. He then places the wedding ring on her finger. “With this ring, I give you my promise that from this day forward you shall not walk alone.  I have no greater gift to give.  May we walk together through all things.  May you feel deeply loved, for indeed you are. May we feel this joy forever.” He brings her hand to his lips kissing across her knuckles.

 

 

Alex turns to the officiant to retrieve Matt’s ring. Placing it on his finger she vows. “You were my yesterday, you are my today, you will be my tomorrow. All that I am I give to you. I choose you, Matt above all others, to be my husband.  I offer this ring as a token of our love, And with it I join my life to yours.” She pulls his hand to her lips kissing it.

 

Standing there they can’t keep the grins off their faces. He is rocking back and forth on his feet again barely able to contain his joy. She looks at him with such love and laughs at his boyish enthusiasm.

 

“Matthew and Alexandra have proclaimed their love, they have bound themselves to each other as husband and wife, and they have declared themselves with the exchange of rings. By the power granted me by the State of California I pronounce them husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

 

Matt didn’t think he was going to be able to wait another moment. Reaching for her, he cupped her face in his hands before kissing her deeply and passionately. They could hear the claps and whistles around them of their close friends and family but at that moment it was as if it was only the two of them on this beach. When they parted they beamed at one another. He picked her up and began to spin her around. “We did it Kingston ~ we did it!”

 

When he put her back down she smiled at him. “That’s Mrs. Smith to you!” He grinned back at her. “Oh yes it is!” He kissed her again then spoke quietly just for her. “But you’ll always be Kingston to me.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These websites were used for research and for a portion of the vows in the wedding ceremony.  
> http://apracticalwedding.com – handfasting ceremonies  
> http://www.weddedyourway.com/ - ring vows  
> The songs can be heard on YouTube.com


	32. Can I Have This Dance for the Rest of my Life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can listen to the songs in the background while reading those passages; it is that much more enjoyable.

Their family gathers around them to congratulate them as they continue to beam with joy. After the hugs and the well wishes are completed, Karen and Arthur guide everyone over to the long table that has been placed closer to the house.

 

At each place setting there is a flute of champagne. Raising his glass he invites everyone else to do the same. “As best man, and father of the bride.” Everyone laughs, especially her own father. “I want to celebrate this day when Matt and Alex have become one, although really they always were. For those of us who were lucky enough to witness their love grow and blossom before us we know they have always been there for each other and will continue to be in the future. To Matt and Alex!” He gestures towards them with his glass before they all drink to their future.

 

Together they dine as a new family while the caterers serve them course after course. The conversation flows easily between new family members and old alike. She leans her back into his chest while he wraps his arms around him taking in the view of their combined families. “God I love you.” He whispers as he nuzzles her ear.

 

Turning her head towards him, “You know I think I feel the same way. Want to get married?” She teases.

 

“I think we already did love.”

 

“Oh good, I was hoping that wasn’t a dream.” He leans down kissing her gently then begins to take the kiss a little deeper when he hears coughing behind him.

 

“So is this what happens when I leave the gate unlocked? You start the party without me?” They turn to see George looking at them good naturedly.

 

“Well if you’d learn to arrive on time you wouldn’t have missed a thing!” Alex banters back to him. They both rise to properly say hello.

 

George wraps his arms around Alex. “Congratulations Alex! No one deserves happiness more than you.” As he steps back he admires how gorgeous she looks in her wedding gown. “And might I say you look stunning in this gown.” Matt realizes he is being a bit territorial but he can’t help it and inches closer to her. George notices and nods his way. Putting out his hand he shakes Matt’s. “Matt you are a lucky man.”

 

Smiling over to Alex he says, “Don’t I know it!”

 

At that moment they hear “Oh my God! Oh my God!” Matt looks up to see his mum has spotted George.

 

Leaning into him Matt tells him, “Me mum was a huge ER fan.” Matt walks over to bring his mum over to meet George.

 

Alex pokes George in the chest. “Now you be nice mister to my new mother-in-law!” He smiles his million dollar smile down at her.

 

Matt guides his very trembling mum over to where George and Alex are talking. “George this is me mum, Lynne Smith. Mum, this is George Clooney.”

 

“Well of course it’s George Clooney, like I wouldn’t already know that. Sorry! I’m just a little nervous.” She tentatively looks up at George who is smiling down at her.

 

“I am very glad to meet you Mrs. Smith. I have gotten to know your son recently and I have quite enjoyed his and Alex’s company.”

 

“Um…. thank you. Please call me Lynne.”

 

“Ok, Lynne can I get you a drink?” He offers her his arm. She slides hers in as he leads her to the catered bar.

 

Matt falls into Alex. “Oh my god, I thought she was going to faint on me!”

 

“Behave you! You would be the same if Thom Yorke walked in.” Immediately Matt starts looking around.

 

She tugs his arm closer to her. “Sorry darling, I don’t have that kind of pull.” He looks a little disappointed. Pressing into his chest and fondling his bow tie she teases, “Maybe I’ll see what I can do for your birthday!” Raising herself on her tiptoes she kisses him gently.

 

Just then they hear Karen’s voice over a microphone. “Friends and family of Alex and Matt it is time for our newlyweds to take their first dance as husband and wife. Oh my god I still can’t believe they are married.” Karen squeals and everyone laughs along with her. “In honor of our ‘daughter’ Arthur will sing ‘ _Unchained Melody_ ’ while the lovely couple takes the dance floor.”

 

A dance floor had been placed between the dining table and the gazebo where Arthur was standing ready to serenade the lovers. Candled lanterns surrounded the space giving off a soft glow. Matt escorted Alex to the dance floor. His hand in hers, his other arm around her waist, she wraps one arm around his neck. They can’t take their eyes off of each other as he guides her around the dance floor. He had intended to keep his hands in respectable positions but she is so gorgeous he can’t help himself. Pulling her closer, her hands slide up around his neck. Looking into her eyes he leans down taking her lips in his. He kisses her slowly as he twirls her leisurely around the dance floor. This is all for her. He wants her to feel that she is special, as special as he believes she is. When the song finishes he is reluctant to let her go but she whispers, “Arthur” in his ear so they turn to him clapping.

 

Another song begins to play and Arthur invites the rest of the guests to join the bride and groom on the dance floor. He comes over to them. “Thank you Arthur. That song was perfect.” Alex gushes at him.

“I want you to know that I wish you every happiness in the world. Be good to each other.” He kisses Alex’s cheek and slaps Matt’s shoulder.

 

“Now maybe it’s time for you to find your own happiness.” Alex tells him.

 

He looks confused at her. “Oh come on mate. I think it’s time you realized what’s been staring all of us in the face.” Matt prods him.

 

“What?” He genuinely looks confused.

 

Alex wraps her arm around his shoulder. “You know sometimes you men can be incredibly daft!” She turns him in the direction of Karen. “I think it’s time you asked Karen to dance.”

 

As Arthur was contemplating just that George went up to Karen sweeping her onto the dance floor. They watched Arthur as his eyes followed them to where they were dancing. Without another word he adjusted his suit jacket striding quickly to their spot on the dance floor. “Excuse me but I believe this is my dance?” His look of determination let George know this wasn’t a request.

 

“Of course.” He said as he kissed Karen’s hand. “It was my pleasure Ms. Gillian.”

 

Karen turns to him, “Why did you do that? I was dancing with George Clooney!” He takes her hand, wrapping his other around her waist swaying them to the music.

 

“Yes, well this was _my_ dance. I’m the best man and you’re the maid of honor; we get to dance together.”

 

“We could have danced the next dance. That was George Clooney!”

 

He dropped his gaze nervous to look at her. “Yes, well I want the next dance to be our dance too.” Looking back up at her, “and the next, and the next.”

 

“What are you saying?” Her heart is pounding.

 

He stops them on the dance floor, “I’m saying that I would like to always be your dance partner, hell I want to be your partner!” He leans into her kissing her with passion he hadn’t realized he felt until that moment. Her arms immediately come around his neck pulling him closer kissing him back. As they part for air they notice clapping and whistles around them and realize it is for them.

 

Matt slaps Arthur on the back, “It’s about time there mate. I didn’t think you were ever going to man up!”

 

Alex swats Matt’s arm. “Be nice!” Turning to the beaming couple she can’t help but wrap them in a big hug. “I knew all along you two were meant for each other. Be happy.”

 

Arthur and Karen are smiling ridiculously at each other looking like they just opened the best Christmas present ever! They both seem reluctant to let go of one another continuing to dance as if they were no one else around them.

 

Holding Alex close to him as they sway he admits how happy he is for his friends. “I didn’t think those two would ever admit their feelings for one another.”

 

“I know. It was so obvious when we were all in New York. I thought maybe something had happened then.” Alex theorizes.

 

Looking at Karen and Arthur, Matt shakes his head. “No….. I don’t think either of them had a clue until just now!” Looking back at Alex, “They’re such idiots!” He smiles leaning in for a kiss. “Remind you of anyone?”

 

She laughs at him then tries her best innocent face.   “I have no idea what you are talking about Matthew.” They both giggle.

 

They are interrupted as Tony taps Matt’s shoulder. “Might I have a dance with my daughter?”

 

“Of course.” He leans in giving Alex a kiss. As he turns away he is invited by Alex’s mum for their own dance.

 

Her father takes her gently in his arms. It reminds Alex of when she was young and he would dance with her in the lounge of their home. “You seem happy Alexandra.” He observes.

 

“Oh I am Daddy. So ridiculously happy.” She giggles hiding her face in his chest shy at how happy she is.

 

“Matt seems like a good man.” She raises from his chest to look at him. “I have watched him with you ….and Salome these past few days. He seems completed devoted to you unlike ….well.” He doesn’t finish but she understands. She nods. Matt doesn’t compare to her previous husbands, not in the slightest.

 

“Matt is his own unique person, and I love him for that. I think it’s why we work so well together. Afterall I am not what anyone would call conventional.”

 

Her father laughed at that. “No, Alexandra no one could ever call you conventional! I think that is what he loves about you. I know I do.” He leans in kissing her forehead as their song comes to a close.

 

Matt’s dad is waiting to take over from Tony for the next dance with Alex. Matt catches his mum and begins to twirl her on the dance floor. As their pace slows she rests her one hand on his chest steadying herself. “I am happy for you Matthew. Alex is lovely…and so is her daughter. I can see why you love them both so.”

 

Matt tries to quell the emotion of this moment. He would never admit this but having his mum like Alex was important to him. They were family now; he wanted them all to be happy together. “Thank you Mum. It means a lot to me that you have given her a chance and gotten to know her. I knew when you did you would see why I love her so much.”

 

“I do, she is lovely and her daughter is a delight. Any chance for more grandbabies?” She winked at him.

 

“Honestly Mum, we’ve only been married a little over an hour!” He says exasperated with her.

 

She looks at him sheepishly. “Sorry, had to ask!”

 

He twirls her out away from him and back before saying anything further. “Mum, you need to understand that we may not have any other children than Salome.” A sad look takes over her face. “It’s not a definite but it is most likely the way things will be. I can’t have you getting your hopes up or prodding Alex about something that may never happen. Understand?” His look tells her this is a promise he needs from her.

 

“I understand sweetheart. I will understand whatever the two of you decide.” She pats her hand against his chest.

 

“Thank you Mum.” He takes her into his arms for one last hug before the song is over.

 

The song has barely ended and the other begun when Laura bounces into them asking for her turn on the dance floor. He kisses his mum on the cheek before beginning to dance with Laura. “What did you say to Mum? She looks like she’s about to cry?” She starts in immediately.

 

“Oh you know mother of the groom….humaney-wumaney!” They both laugh. “I’m so glad you were able to come. I miss you.” He pulls her into a hug.

 

Stepping back to continue the dance he notices her eyes glistening as well. “Well, my little brother getting married. I couldn’t miss that! I wish I could have come earlier, gotten to spend more time with everyone. I want to get to know my new sister-in-law better.”

 

“Well I’m sure there will be plenty of time for that. Maybe next time you have a break you can come out to LA and enjoy the sun with us.”

 

“So are you moving here then?” She asks eyeing him curiously.

 

“Well this is Alex’s permanent home, because of Salome, so yes I guess this will be mine as well.” He realizes that he and Alex had never discussed where they would live. He shakes off the thought as he is not ready for reality concerns to dampen his joy just yet. “Of course we both will be all over depending on what project we are working on. I think I’ll keep my place back in London as we will be there quite a bit as well.”

 

“Then I look forward to another trip to California in the near future. But not too soon….want to make sure you got the honeymoon out of your system before I invade your space.” He blushed all the way to the tips of his ears. “Oh Matty! You are so easy to wind up!” She laughed at him. Looking over to Alex he saw her dancing with George.

 

George had taken over from David when their dance was finished. He smoothly glides her around the dance floor. Looking down at her she is glowing. “Alex, I don’t think I have ever seen you this happy…. well except maybe when you had Salome.”

 

Looking up at him, her face in a wide grin, “I don’t think I have ever been this happy before. Matt… he makes me so happy.”

 

“That’s obvious! I am happy for you. So that thing that you didn’t want to talk about before….. is that taken care of?” Of course George hadn’t forgotten about that night when they were here having dinner and her phone alarm went off.

 

Her face becomes more serious. “Yes, it is. It turns out it was the best/worst thing to have happened to us.” He eyes her curiously. “Not now. It’s a rather long, complicated story. Another time.”

 

He smiles at her bringing her in for a hug. “Of course. This is your day!” As the song ends he kisses her cheek again giving her his best wishes.

 

Laura comes bounding over with Matt in tow bubbling that she would love a dance with George Clooney. “I could never say no to a beautiful woman.” He tells her as he leads them to a space on the dance floor.

 

“Just remember that’s my sister!” Matt admonishes over his shoulder. He turns back to Alex glad to be in her arms again. “I missed you.” He presses himself close burying his face in her hair. Breathing in the smell of jasmine and cinnamon he feels content, at home, and he doesn’t ever want to leave.

 

“Oh darling, I’ve missed you too. Aren’t we silly? We’ve only been away from each other for a few minutes.”

 

“It felt like longer.” He tightens his hold on her remembering those awful days when he thought he would never have this. She seems to understand holding him tight as well. They don’t see Salome until her arms are around the two of them.

 

“I am so happy for you two. I knew you could make each other happy.” They widened the space making room for Salome, each placing an arm around her. They danced together as one big happy family. When the song ended Matt excused himself letting Alex and Salome have a moment together.

 

A few minutes later they hear Matt’s voice over the speakers. They stop, looking towards the gazebo to see him standing there sans jacket, his bow tie dangling around his neck looking straight at her. “Today this woman made me the happiest man on the planet by agreeing to be my girl for all eternity. This song is for her ……and her lovely daughter. My Girls!”

 

As the music begins she notices for the first time Arthur and Steven behind him as they do their best Temptations impression. She can’t help but giggle. Arthur’s moves are smooth but no one could ever accuse Steven of smooth moves.

 

But her focus is on Matt who looks at her like he can see no one else. _“I guess you'd say_   _What can make me feel this way? My girl (my girl, my girl)._ ” She sways with Salome their arms around each other as they watch Matt serenade them trying not to laugh at the two behind him. Their moves are ridiculous and not at all in sync. Matt however is perfect in his rendition of the song. He must have practiced she thinks…. when?

As he is finishing the song he dances over to them. _“I've got sunshine on a cloudy day With my girl. I've even got the month of May With my girl Talkin' 'bout Talkin' 'bout Talkin' 'bout My Girls!!”_  As soon as he finishes they both launch themselves at him giving him big hugs and kisses on his cheeks.

 

“Oh Matty, that was so hilarious!” Matt looks a bit hurt.

 

“Hilarious poppet? I was going for romantic.”

 

“And it was darling.” She played with the ends of his bow tie pulling him in for a kiss. “So romantic.” He beamed back at her. Salome slipped away leaving the lovebirds to dance to the next song.

 

Alex tugs him behind her as she went over to where Arthur, Karen , and Steven were standing. She hugs Arthur and then Steven. “You too were hilarious!”

 

“What you don’t think we could make it as a singing group?” Steven teases.

 

“Well Arthur could…. you however…well don’t give up your day job!” They all break into laughter, Steven as well.

 

After a few minutes Karen pulls Alex to the side trying to convince her to sing to Matt. Despite Karen’s persuasive argument she refuses. She then proposes a compromise which Karen immediately agrees to. They slip away to prepare.

 

Soon it is Alex with the microphone asking for their attention. Looking out at Matt she can’t stop the feelings of love pouring from her. “Today this man made me happier than I think I have ever been. I hope that I make him as happy.”

 

“You do!” He shouted out.

 

Blushing, she continued. “Although I can’t possibly sing to him as he did me.” He looks a little disappointed. “I do have a special song to let him know how very grateful that he is in my life…and that he chose me. I love you.” He mouths ‘I love you’ back.

 

As the strains of ‘At Last’ begins a smile takes over his face. Looking only at him she mouthed the words along with Etta James _“At last My love has come along My lonely days are over And life is like a song Oh yeah yeah At last”_ As she is ‘singing’ she does a sultry dance for him. She watches as he unbuttons his top button of his shirt. She smirks that she can affect him so. _“The skies above are blue My heart was wrapped up in clover The night I looked at you.”_

 

She sashays towards him taking his hand in hers pulling him close as she presses her cheek to his kissing him softly there. _“I found a dream, that I could speak to A dream that I can call my own I found a thrill to press my cheek to A thrill that I have never known.”_

 

Stepping back her hand still intertwined with his, she wraps her other hand around his neck swaying them together as she continues to whisper the words to only him. _“Oh yeah yeah You smiled, you smiled Oh and then the spell was cast”_ Their foreheads rest on each others. “ _And here we are in heaven for you are mine... At Last!”_ His lips captures hers letting her know that he is hers and she is his…..always.

 

 

 

The End……

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support throughout this story. Your comments continue to make me smile that you were invested enough in the story to express your feelings, your thoughts, and sometimes your frustration with me. I loved them all! 
> 
> I began posting this for the AO3 Million posting and look at us now….nearly another 100,000 since then. I am glad that we have this place to share with each other stories, feelings, and yes, friendship. I look forward to reading your stories as well.


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